Passive Aggressive Behavior by Nish Mother

[Gaining Strength]

My brothers and I arranged for my mother to hire someone to help her out.  She fell and brok her hip in late May and has been dependent on me for way too long (all the while having the attitude that she was helping out my son and me.)

One of my brothers lives just down the street.  He needs someone to help with a few errands and some light household chores.  We arranged for Lorraine to go down there to do a few things.  My brother pays her for those few hours.  Most of the time Lorraine does not have anything to do at my mother's.

Today I learned that earlier this week, Lorraine told my mother that she was going back down to my brother's to finish the laundry.  Now my brother had worked this arrangement out wth Lorraine and my mother the week before.  My mother told Lorraine not to go because my brother didn't need her and he could get someone else to do it.  Then she asked Lorraine is she knew of anyone else who could help him out.

Lorraine sits around my mother's house with little to do.  Sometimes my mother even has other people pick her up and leaves Lorraine alone with nothing to do. My brother needs only 2 to 3 hours per week to get done his chores. 

This is a perfect example of how my mother sabotages her very own children.  It is so appalling to me.

[Certain Hope]

Dear GS,

I'm so sorry that your mother always puts herself first... it's that old envy.
She simply does not know how to share. For someone else to have a smidgen of anything, reduces her supply... and that's terribly sad and frustrating. Any matter, large or small, will become a competition in the hands of the N'ish ones.

On the other hand, it's good that she has Lorraine, a paid employee, to be at her beck and call. Letting that be, just as it is, frees you and your brother both to take care of your own interests. If possible, maybe you can chalk this one up as a blessing in disguise and just let it be?

Hope

[Ami]

Dear GS,
 Just a gut feeling,but if your M likes Lorraine and that is keeping your M away from you--- I would let it be.                                                                                                                 Love  Ami

[reallyME]

I have to agree with the other people's posts here.  Just let Lorraine deal with your mother.  She is getting PAID TO DEAL WITH HER.  Honestly, people who have to handle the self-absorbed, DESERVE TO AT LEAST GET PAID, if not RECEIVE MEDALS OF HONOR!

UGH...just be glad she's OUT of your hair!

~Laura

[BonesMS]

Just my thought....if you and your brother are paying Lorraine, instead of N-Mom, then N-Mom has no right to dictate to Lorraine what she can and cannot do.  I hope that Lorraine was assertive with her.

Bones

[Hopalong]

Ya, I'd suggest your brother find his own Lorraine or the relationship will be triangulated forever, money or no.

It is a blessing to have someone she can order about. Or ignore, as she wishes.

Hops

[Gaining Strength]

The reason I posted this was not to sort anything out so much as it was astonishingly appalling to me that she was so open about sabotaging her own son.  She pretends to be in complete denial and would vehemently deny that she even did this if I confronted her.  That suggests to me that she has full cognition of the dark nature of her attitude.  She would never publicly voice anything but positive attitudes an yet she underminds a simple assistance that would be of no loss to her at all.  She simply would deny Lorraine helping her son because she could and yet if caught in this she would deny it to the death.