Author Topic: Stranded on the Islands with a stranger (my husband)  (Read 1678 times)

MsTrish80

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Stranded on the Islands with a stranger (my husband)
« on: September 06, 2007, 12:34:44 AM »
Hi everyone, this is my first time writing a post.  I was always skeptical about blogs or posts but you only have one life right.  Well I am a married to an Islander.  He is a construction foreman or so he says.  To everyone else he is the perfect man, but he treats me like dirt.  Our marriage started with infedelity on his part and it is ending with it.  We have two children and I have just started going back to school.  I guess should I stay with him and continue my education, or should I leave with nothing.  We have only been married 3 years.  I need advice. 

axa

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Re: Stranded on the Islands with a stranger (my husband)
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2007, 12:52:13 AM »
Trish,

Welcome, this is a good place.  Please feel free to write and ask the questions, the answers will come to you.

Axa

lighter

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Re: Stranded on the Islands with a stranger (my husband)
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2007, 10:06:09 AM »
What CB said.

Welcome Trish.

Ami

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Re: Stranded on the Islands with a stranger (my husband)
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2007, 03:22:15 PM »
Dear Stranded,
  I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly. It is really hard to have a husband who treats you badly. I am so ,so sorry                               Warmly   Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Hopalong

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Re: Stranded on the Islands with a stranger (my husband)
« Reply #4 on: September 07, 2007, 01:24:21 AM »
Welcome, Stranded.
I am sorry for the state you're in.
My advice is to take your unhappiness very very seriously as though your life depends on it. It does.

I am perhaps unusual on the board...I am agnostic, therefore I do not assume there is an afterlife. (There may be but I don't know.) For this life, at any rate, I assume THIS is life. I also have been divorced twice. Terribly painful. But looking back, I think I had to.

My daughter was six. She stayed in touch with her father but divorce still left its mark. He died when she was 19.

Alll that said, in hindsight, I believe, I hope, I did the right thing. He had a sour disposition, a mean streak, an attitude of indifference, and a habit of routinely yelling. That is NOTHING --NOTHING--compared to what people here have gone through. But at least then I was surely highly sensitive, and despite the fact that my expectations came from my own naivete, ignorance, immaturity, Ntraits and anxiety...I had them. (I was raised in a climate where my parents never shouted. I heard my Dad say "damn" one time. Literally.) And the marriage was breaking my heart.

My answer to you is that I don't know what is right for you. My FIRST answer was "Leave! Now!". And maybe you should. But I don't know...that was me projecting. I would do these things in whatever way you can, before anything:

1) see a lawyer to find out what your rights would be (do NOT tell your husband!)
2) see a good counselor to ask how you could help your children best if you do need to leave
3) see an education specialist in your community to find out what help you could tap for more education (even a good librarian is a place to start)
4) find a women's support group pronto and tell your story there, and keep going...

And keep posting. I'm glad you're here.

Hopalong

"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

alone48

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Re: Stranded on the Islands with a stranger (my husband)
« Reply #5 on: September 07, 2007, 06:15:44 PM »
Trish,

Only you know how much you can take. Your happiness reflects on your children also, that said take care of you. If you believe you can endure the time it takes to get an education, then certainly you'll be better off, but can you mentally make it that far?

I stayed in my marriage for almost 30 years and now wonder if I would have a different life if I had taken steps when I was younger. there are always the "ifs" you just have to go with what you can handle. Wishing you the best either way is tough, but you will make it.