Welcome, Stranded.
I am sorry for the state you're in.
My advice is to take your unhappiness very very seriously as though your life depends on it. It does.
I am perhaps unusual on the board...I am agnostic, therefore I do not assume there is an afterlife. (There may be but I don't know.) For this life, at any rate, I assume THIS is life. I also have been divorced twice. Terribly painful. But looking back, I think I had to.
My daughter was six. She stayed in touch with her father but divorce still left its mark. He died when she was 19.
Alll that said, in hindsight, I believe, I hope, I did the right thing. He had a sour disposition, a mean streak, an attitude of indifference, and a habit of routinely yelling. That is NOTHING --NOTHING--compared to what people here have gone through. But at least then I was surely highly sensitive, and despite the fact that my expectations came from my own naivete, ignorance, immaturity, Ntraits and anxiety...I had them. (I was raised in a climate where my parents never shouted. I heard my Dad say "damn" one time. Literally.) And the marriage was breaking my heart.
My answer to you is that I don't know what is right for you. My FIRST answer was "Leave! Now!". And maybe you should. But I don't know...that was me projecting. I would do these things in whatever way you can, before anything:
1) see a lawyer to find out what your rights would be (do NOT tell your husband!)
2) see a good counselor to ask how you could help your children best if you do need to leave
3) see an education specialist in your community to find out what help you could tap for more education (even a good librarian is a place to start)
4) find a women's support group pronto and tell your story there, and keep going...
And keep posting. I'm glad you're here.
Hopalong
