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Crazy making.....

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Michelle:
Crisis alert!!!!!  You've been warned!   :lol:

Why does my N-Mother insist on pulling me into her crazy world?   :x   As I said in my first post, I have just recently starting setting some serious boundaries with her - as in not talking with her at all.  It has been 2 weeks Monday since I talked to her last - a HUGE record as she usually calls at least once every couple of days.  She left a message on my birthday (of course, it centered on her:  "Michelle, where are you?  I wanted to tell you happy birthday.  I hope you'll call me because I can't imagine not talking to you on your birthday.  Call me as soon as you get this")  URGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  She also emailed my daughter once (she is only 2 years old and she writes her long emails like she can read or understand them.....and of course they are about her "I bet you miss mamaw don't you?  Do you wish mamaw could come see you?  I know mamaw is your best friend").  It makes me sick.  Well, I didn't acknowlege either one.  Tonight she called (it's my stepdad's birthday) and left this message "Well, I guess you are either really busy or you just don't want to talk to me, WHATEVER!!!  I'll have you know it was Steve's birthday today and you didn't even call him.  I think that's pretty sorry of you.  I'll just sit around and wait until you want to talk to me.  Tell the kids I love them, BYE." and as she hung up I could hear a groan of frustration.  I swear - when these episodes happen I have a hard time realizing what true "healthy" reality must be like.  I can't imagine a world where people's parents actually care about them - sincerely and unselfishly.  It's a sad life when you are so pathetic that you have to try to ruin your own CHILD'S life!  

Thank you for letting me vent.  My husband listens but I know you guys truly UNDERSTAND.  I always feel angry and then sorry for myself after these episodes.  She makes me feel crazy when I talk to her.  I guess it's a good thing that my counselor has helped me get to the point where I can draw the line about not talking to her.  I think the kid in me feels like I am doing something really "naughty" and "unforgivable" by not talking with her.  Help!  Does anyone else feel this way?  

Michelle  :cry:

Anonymous:
Hi Michelle,

My mother doesn't ring me anymore but she gets her nasty messages through, still occassionally.  :roll: Boring and predictable as ever.

But hey, I was trying to think of a cool answering machine message you could have, like, "Hi, I'm not able to come to the phone at the moment, but leave a message. I'll return your call when I can. Oh, and by the way, if it's you mum, can you just try to leave a nice guilt-free message please. And if you think you can manage that I'll return your message when I feel up to it. Bye."
 :D :D  :D  :D  :D  :D  :D

Imagine her face  :shock:  :shock:  :shock:

CG

Michelle:
CG -

Thank you for your post.  It was the first laugh I've had since my mother called.  I really need to put some serious thought into that phone message.  She would FREAK!!!!!  It would be hilarious.   :lol:

Your great!

Michelle

Anonymous:
Yeah, hahahahahahahit would probably make her as mad as hell.  :twisted:  I thought of another one I'd use if it was my
mother. This would make my mother cough up a fur ball.
Warning, this message would take extreme resolution.

"Hello, sorry we can't take your call. As you probably know,
we're avoiding speaking with my narcissistic mother.
All my life she's tried  to make me feel like I'm some sort
of revolting individual, and make me feel responsible for
her and her own misery. Everytime she rings I find myself
stressed afterwards, so now we've decided it's best not to
answer the phone till we know who's calling.
Sorry for the inconvenience, but if you just leave your
name and number we'll get back to you."

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Mightn't fix anything, but then, what would?

CG

rosencrantz:
I have spent so many years being frightened of the phone in case it's my mother!  I make sure I do all my business by email and the good people in my life are gradually getting online one way or another!!!

I had no idea I was such a weak-kneed lily pad until I started writing on this board.  It just didn't fit with the person I had become in the outside world.  Chair of this, Non-Exec Director of that.  But when I had a child something started to happen and I lost my confidence. I got more and more tired, gradually let go of all the 'outer world' stuff and then I began to get more and more apprehensive and under the thumb generally.  A few things in the outside world had 'got at' my confidence, too.  All because of my childhood script of helplessness, my 'integrity' (hollow laugh) which left me without resources to really stand up for myself and the impact of 'Ns'.

I seem to have spent my life building up my confidence, taking part in the big bad world then coming under attack and sliding back down the snakes and ladders board again.

I know that realising the pattern of what's going on in the outside world and the connection with the decisions I made as a child has helped me enormously.  But the only way we'll stop the Ns in our lives is to work on our own resilience, find out why we feel guilty, what buttons they are pressing.  

Every now and then I think I'm going to wake up in a minute and discover this forum was just one big dream.  None of that ever happened.  Here I am back in my cosy ideal of happy families and 'just getting on with it'.  But I can't go back.  I know too much!!!!!  The secrets aren't secret any more (unless there's another rake waiting for me round the corner!!!)

Two excellent books about handling parents, understanding ourselves - you'll find them on the book list - authors : Secunda/Nina Brown

There's also a post here about Daughters who Defect with a quote from the Secunda book.  

Good luck
R

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