hmmmm....
I am glad you brought this up. I found this interesting and perplexing, as with so many N bahaviors/thought patterns. I wonder how much of this is really sinister, or if it is a natural progression for them...
Here is a funny example of this distorted thought.
Last week my N came home from work and said, "honey, I am tierd of cooking." I just about burst into a fit of laughter... what? cooking? he never cooks! Instead, I remained calm and said, "Why do you say that, dear?"
N said, "Well, you know, I am just so tierd when I get home from work."
I said, "ummm... ok... well, I hear ya!"
(I pick my battles for energy's sake)
Now, where did he come up with the idea that he cooks??? And why?
I think it's the same idea, that Ns tend to project their own reality onto others. Maybe if I believed his reality I would cook more (as opposed to getting chinese or eating out)???? who knows! Clearly, he seemed to believe his reality.
Another example is the way he projects his thoughts onto me. So that if I have an opinion that is different from his he freaks out. (how can she not be thinking/feeling what I am thinking/feeling?)
Or.... how he projects this idealistic image on to me, as his perfect wife. I get praised when I fit his image, and completely berated when I don't. The real problem comes when the image contradicts itself. Like how N wants a strong woman...(and he does, he respects me even less when I don't stand up to him) Yet, simultaneously he really HATES being disagreed with. Suddenly neither of us can win, can we?!
It's utterly confusing. Just decoding things and realizing I am not crazy keeps me guessing! On a good day I can scratch my head, or even giggle about it a little.
Is this the kind of thinking and communicating an N's lie referrs to?
