It Must Be the Moon!

[changing]

I am feeling sick, in pain, and frightened. The weather has been unbearably hot for days on end with no relief, exacerbating my orthopedic irregularities, and recovery from surgery as well as the severe tarsal tunnel, etc- very painful all of the time, and I am quite nauseous as well. The night of the lunar eclipse was lovely, but roasting hot, over 100 degrees almost all evening. I have been having so many ridiculous difficulties- tire destroyed so I had to take public transportation, resulting in increased inability to walk, extreme swelling, you name it , lost keys, money tight (trying to pay as I go with no student loans, but maybe I will have to be more flexible) etc., lost items required for my computer so it couldn't be used, every sort of bureaucratic mixup known to mankind...

NH called, as he has left notes and letters in the mailbox. The last few have threatened to break the locks and come in with the police. Legally at this point NH has the right to do so, in order to retrieve his things. My fear is that NH will do something to get me in some sort of trouble, or cause problems for my pets. This is not an exaggerated concern. One of the biggest reasons that I did not call  the police (well I called but hung up after talking a bit to them) when NH slammed me around, is that he said that he would say that I beat him up if I reported him (Pretty funny, really, with my dodgy foot, etc). The police told me that in this state they would be required to arrest me if NH were to say that- that would have derailed law school and many other things. I was miserable and felt trapped.

You  wonderful people here helped me to finally get rid of NH- he has a lawsuit pending which may be worth a considerable sum, (he can't have any of this on the record, and he also doesn't want me to share in the proceeds, which is fine by me) and I took my chance for freedom with your support. I said that if he caused me any trouble, I would go straight to his opposing council and offer my assistance. Poof, he vanished (I think he is living with his current whatever, all I have is a PO box, did have only a cell number but he gave me a "new " number this week- funny, it's the same number that has always shown up on my call record). I have been struggling to handle things  amidst the chaos  and challenges, and then the threat comes in, with implications of unfounded but potentially devastating nasty police problems stirred up by that weasel.

NH demanded his guns, clothes (he had told me previously to throw them out when I asked that he gather things up and take them) , sign over the car, etc. I have spent a very painful, hot, scary "holiday" gathering his things , boxing things up, dragging them out in the 110+ degree heat... After intense praying I called NH tonight to extend my deadline . I really hated to hear his stupid, insipid voice. He said that the police told him to get the guns in order to preclude liability in case they were used in the commission of a crime (stupid lie). He said that he trusted me, but not the people I may be consorting with (ridiculous, anyway I am not consorting with anyone at present). I countered that I had spoken with the cops as well (I had) and asked them what to do, as he was demanding guns that his psych had ordered removed from him due to his mental state.  He seemed shocked, and asked if I really had called the police, and I repeated my affirmative response-I also said that I wanted to keep the shotgun , which was a birthday present to me allegedly, and added that it was one of the few things that he had given to me. He told me to just buy another one, and I said fine. I countered with "It seems like you must have settled your case. Well that's good, nothing more to hide, things can move more quickly now.." He said no, and paused- told me to find a way to have the registration on the gun transferred... (it was much more subtle than it appears in writing here, reduced to the essentials)

I asked if he wanted me to take the other guns to the cops, and he said he didn't (when I first mentioned it, he said that it was a good idea, befoe I mentioned the psych issue and the lawsuit). I have to get the divorce thing done soon- maybe do a legal separation with details so it can be settled right away, with some time required for the divorce). I have many items to write for law school, and my hand is quite swollen.

Yesterday I felt like Lola in the classic film Damn Yankees- today I feel like the hideous tortured hag she became when she freed Joe from the devil ! I hope that I am freed from this demonic NH soon.

I am so happy with my prosaic life when NH is out of the picture.  Now I feel despondent and sick. Is it that Old Devil Moon that I feel tonight?

Changing

[teartracks]

Hi Changing,

I'm sorry for all the mess with your illness, the divorce, the car.  I guess that in the scheme of things we go through times of testing.  I've had an extended period of hellishness.  At first I thought it would be over in a week, then it stretched into three months.  It seems to be winding down now.

Don't you hate it that the moon, one of the lovely things sometimes becomes the aniversity reminder of past unpleasant times.  Bittersweet!

Here's hoping for solutions and resolutions to all the bothersome things that are boogering you now.  Lots of hugs...

Sincerely,

tt

[changing]

Hi Tear Tracks-

Thank you for the good vibes and for sharing your perspective and experience with me. I must finish a synthesis of some cases before I can sleep, and your support and the history of your escape from an NH took the edge off of the fear regarding NH that I am feeling- maybe my writing will improve as a result.

Thank you for your help,

Changing

[Ami]

I am so ,so sorry Changing. I am on my way out the door. I will write later but am praying for you,now
                                                                               Love    Ami

[Certain Hope]

(((((((Changing))))))))

Oh, I hate to hear of you being tested this way. You have faced so much, head-on, with supernatural determination and good attitude.
How can I encourage you that this will pass? The domino effect will complete and you will still be standing!
Say, the weather is about to change... that's a fact. I will be praying in a cold-front, okay?

NH must be getting pretty cozy... and forgetful. Your subtle hint may not have a very lengthy effect, but what worked before should work again. Perhaps his suit-attorney needs a phone call with message left by you: "Please contact (NH) for details re: my input on this case."

Those guns... I took npd-ex's to my attorney's office, but they were not legal.
If you don't want them in your home, will the police hold them? Can they go into storage somewhere along with all of his other belongings? He may never come to your home to retrieve them. I used a locked storage facility far from my property.

Umm... did I mention that Autumn is on the way?

((((((((((Changing))))))))))  I hope and pray that your aches and pains have subsided and that you're able to be free of the insipid, insidious one and his baggage post haste.

With love,
Hope

[Ami]

Dear Changing,
  You have so much strength and "get up and go". However, the strongest person has their limits. Your NH would" try "the strongest person, Changing.
   You have physical  aches and pains. You had the tire problem. I think that you are just overwhelmed.
   Changing, it is really hard to do what you are doing. You are "pulling yourself up' with no family and an NH who wants to torture you.
  You have physical limitations and you are going to law school. You have financial limitations.
  I am so proud to be your friend. You have so much more courage in your little finger than I do in my whole body.
  You have been in my prayers all day and it will continue                            Love  Ami

[Iphi]

I agree with Ami, Changing - you have great courage and determination.  Do you have any support network in daily life?  It just grieves me to think of that loser intermittently trying out threats on you to see if any missile will hit the mark and meanwhile you are doing everything alone.   Btw, I don't buy his continued permutations of reasons why he has to have his stuff in certain ways and conditions but not others.  Argh just drawn out bullshit you so don't need.  And for why should you just give him the car? Isn't that just the same sort of chutzpah as sending you his bills to pay? It seems he thinks he can exploit you still.  To call him a cad would dignify him.

I believe that your qualities of determination and dauntlessness and also your playful, powerful intellect will be very, very valuable to you as a lawyer.

[lighter]

Oh ((Changing))  So sorry the heat is making everything worse for you.

Hard to stay positive when you're miserable and sweating then add the surgery and healthy issues in general.

So sorry this is so hard.

You'll fee much better when he's out and you don't have to worry about N anymore. 

Even little things can throw us into a tail spin sometimes and you have so much hitting you at once.

As for the guns, I want to tell you to hang on to that shotgun but..... in the long run I don't even want you to have to look at the darned thing when you're feeling better and beyond him.

Just use it as leverage and keep moving..... so he gets it?  Make him give something up that you want.

Maybe you can ice down that hand and take some enough anti inflammatories to help you get through all your school work?

::Sending you healing vibes and energy to carry you through these tough times::

Like you sent me: )

[changing]

My Lovely, Wonderful Friends-

You are so dear and so good to me, like the sisters that I would love to have and cherish. Have you ever seen a movie with Anne Bancroft and Anthony Hopkins about a writer and her correspondence over the years with some English booksellers? It is really wonderful ( I believe it is true story as well) how a true friendship and caring develops- I feel that you have given this priceless gift to me.
I made it through the night and through classes today (no sleep). It is only in the 90's, so the swelling has reduced a great deal. I worked so very hard and made a mess in my house to boot and the outside looks like Tobacco Road with all of that jackal's boxes of stuff(I love my big trees , flowers and yards and hate to have NH garbage marring the scene!) . My NH assignment had the effect of putting off my case synthesis work until the wee hours, in response to the NH coercion. Of course NH won't be satisfied with the effort, same old stuff...I really enjoyed his complete absence! It did not, however,make my heart grow fonder. I hope to be rid of him straightaway!
I love my classes and hate the way NH makes things that are important so difficult for me...though I must admit it is fun calling him NH!

Teartracks, I can look at the moon and smile tonight! Authentic- you've got that right, NH really makes me sick! Hope, I can feel the delicious cool air!!!Ami, dear- thank you for being there whenever I am sniveling and alone- I feel better about the world somehow, knowing such a kind person is in it. Oh Iphi- Thank you so much for your inspiring words- sometimes I think it's nutty going to law school, but I  really do enjoy it ! Lighter, I've got my brace on, and for now the shotgun is within arm's reach !I'm going to crash, wake up and look at the moon, feel happy, say a prayer for my loving friends and sisters who were there for me during another of my episodes, and then study, study, study!

Goodnight and thank you for holding my hand when I needed sisters!

Love,

Changing

[lighter]

Sleep well, Changing.....

I hope you have an air conditioner... at least in your bedroom?

[Certain Hope]

((((((((((Changing))))))))))))  just a note to say I'm thinking of you and sending lots of prayers for all the best to come your way today.

Beautiful rain here, and cool...just 73 F.  Wish you were here.

Love,
Hope

[lighter]

How are you holding up, Changing?

Tell me how you're doing, please: )

[changing]

Lighter, CB, Certain Hope and Everyone-

Thank you for your posts and ideas. It has been much better as far as the temperatue goes. I am not supposed to drag heavy things outside and do what I was doing in response to NH, and no one can really in the heat that we had here. I got very little sleep (2 hrs a night several nights) and was in extreme pain, could barely keep my eyes open, barely get around (what a ridiculous sight!), but I didn't miss any classes. I am concerned that the pain is not resolving to its usual level, but finally I slept a full night last night (no papers due, no NH work to do). I love to sleep,and it really helps healing.
I also learned from your posts. I was trying to be civil with NH but it's true, the cowardly N needs me to put him in his place. I don't think that he believes that I would bring about such major consequences, criminal and civil, upon him- it's not my style generally. But this last episode was too costly for me, and I will not protect him from his own actions any more.
Again, thank you for your posts and have a fabulous weekend!

Love,

Changing

[lighter]

You have to put pressure on him, to the extent that you can.

You have to keep him off balance so he can't mount as extensive a campaign against you.

You have to put pressure so he'll take his foot off your throat when it's time to deal.

If you have put no pressure on him.... his foot will stay on your throat... he's quite comfortable in that position.

You're obligated to defend yourself, think of it that way.

It may take time off the divorce process if he has some incentive to get through it himself. 

Glad to hear you're feeling better and sleeping through the night. 

You're amazing.... missed no classes and got all that heavy work done for your N while healing.  

Can you tell I'm not happy about that one?

It always takes longer to heal when we overdo afterwards. 

I guess we all overdo afterwards, lol?

Darnit  ((changing))

[changing]

Hello General Lighter-

As always, you are correct! I really hate that I reacted first and didn't figure out what was going on until I was in crisis. I suppose it was a sort of operant-conditiong or Pavlovian type response. I really thought that I could approach this divorce in a business-like way. I was kidding myself, thinking that NH would consider his rational self interest, and not try to push me- he was right to an extent- I take no pleasure in his becoming subject to civil and possibly criminal consequences per se. However, he ruined my peace, equanimity, any chance to properly do my schoolwork, and created a needless mess just like he did when I was trying to accommodate him. I didn't give him a direct head's up, but he got my message about the psych mandates and police and backed off, then sent me a stupid tax bill for $35.00 ( petty numbskull), and other things. I am cutting off the COBRA payments and as far as his his other endeavors, he may have a nasty surprise soon from the attorneys.

Thank you, General. Hope all is well with you!

Love,

Changing