Hiya Hope,
Just wanted to take a minute to say thanks for the great article and link for it. I also wanted to congratulate you about being smoke free. I also want to play a little, and add to your song :
There ain't no smoke on me
There ain't no smoke on me
There might be smoke on the red- tailed bloke
But there ain't no smoke on me !
I just love that commercial with the pup singing about no fleas !
cats paw
aww, thanks so much,
cats paw... this really makes me grin big
and that tv commercial tickles me, too!! I can hear the melody now
In the midst of day 4 here, feeling more like day 444... lol... and just really appreciating your support and good cheer!
Carolyn
Iphi, Thanks! Just wanted to be sure.
And I do understand. At best, my family has always ignored and minimized everything in which I've shown interest. At worst, my mother is an expert with sour, disapproving looks and the mocking, derogatory tone. Besides, the only reason any of them ever acknowledged me was to the extent that I provided them an opening to tell one of their own stories or reflect them somehow to their benefit. It's never been a single iota about who I am.
You do know that... with the book example, for instance... it's nothing to do with you in the first place?
It's simply "not them" and by virtue of that fact, because it's "not them", it's irrelevant and/or bad. Doesn't matter what "it" is.
And with N.... even if it "IS them", they're so flooded with envy that they'll have to tear it down anyway, because it's in someone else's hands at the moment, and therefore must cease to exist. Nonetheless, stilll has zero to do with you or who you are.
*sigh* That makes little sense verbally, but I hope the thought sneaks through somehow.
Dang, girl... my breathing got really shallow just reading the next part. That's me, too. Iphi, years ago, I could not even go down the aisle at the supermarket if someone was blocking it with their cart. I would go around the other way or just skip that item rather than have to risk asking them to move. That's not me... that's what my mother did to me with all her control freakery and drama-crap at the slightest suggestion that she was not perfect in every way. Good grief... I couldn't stand that look of offense on another human being's face if I dared to suggest that maybe I could pass by them to reach what I needed from the store?
I overcame alot of this rubbish by sheer willpower, but now, finally, am seeing what was at the root of it all. Iphi, if you see the root, it'll royally tick you off and then you're over the hump. It's the wizard all over again. He's a tiny little speck of nothingness who has magnified himself out of all proportion in our minds, pulling levers and turning dials which evaporated long, long ago. He's an illusion and he doesn't pay rent... needs kicked to the curb.
Look at what the decision on "No Contact" did for you 2 years ago! (Congratulations to you, too, Iphi... and thanks
)
For me it's been introducing myself to these people who have never once showed any interest in knowing me.
For me today, it's choosing not to open this last letter they've sent. I do not need any input whatsoever from them now.
For you it will be something else... whether it's a yes, no, or maybe... it's still an act of will which restores proper ownership of self.
Ahhh... the blatherings of an unsmoked brain... lol.
I'd best get moving.
Much love.
Carolyn
P.S. on edit... I am thinkin that one of God's greatest gifts is the ability to laugh at self, cuz I just had to clean up a passel of typo/errors and the old me woulda taken that to heart and cringed. Ahh... blessed imperfection
