when I invited people to the board...

[reallyME]

There seems to be some legitimate concerns about people here, including me, inviting others to this board.  I realize that our anonymity is important and that the wrong types of people might be able to find us.

The reason I invited a few people to this place, was BECAUSE they were victimized by the same person I had been.  At the time, these people came to me and I recommended the board to them, because I had found such comfort and support and validation myself here. 

I was in no sort of "dynamic" with the people I had invited at the time I did so, or I would not have recommended they come here.  I'm certainly not out to violate any of you in any way...you've been through enough of that VERY UNDESERVEDLY.

Since inviting Robin, about what, 2 years ago?  I don't know that I've invited anyone else here...however, I'm under the impression that this board is open to ALL victims at all times.  THere is no real screening process done by the moderator here, so ANYONE CAN AND PROBABLY HAS been here, including the N's of all our lives.

We risk people finding us when we're on the internet.  That is part of life.  That being said, YES Robin has a RIGHT to speak her perceptions and truths, as do any of the other people I have ever mentioned.  That's just how I feel.  I once was very able to talk to these people to an extent.  SOme of them were abusive and neglectful because of their own hurts and defenses, but the point is they are still HUMAN BEINGS.

~Laura

[lighter]

Well, that's interesting that you feel that way. 

I can relate.

What I can't decide is..... whether this will be a healing journey for you.....

or just a frustration.

We'll see but, I'm glad you put an end to the attacks Standing was receiving.

Very bad mojo.

I much prefer Mud's frank assessments.... to overt hostility and name calling. 

::nod::

[reallyME]

Well, as odd as it sounds, I DO love and care about Robin.  We were close close friends at one time and I was actually like her personal pastor for a season.  I've seen her go through some pretty MAJOR issues that I will not go into here. 

She has been through a terrifying childhood herself, that I also will not divulge.  Robin did the "next best thing" for herself by going for professional help when she was struggling.  She is someone who is able to suually reason OBJECTIVELY about situations, even though she does run rather than work through things, out of passive agressive defenses.

I love Robin and sincerely, any problems that i had with her in the past, she and I DID verbally reconcile with each other...until this last situation in which she didn't come back to me and talk about it...she just stopped talking.  Now I guess she feels ok about dealing with the issues here among all of you.  She has always had a problem like this...when someone runs rather than deals, it does not a close friendship make.

Again, I'll always love you Robin, but the issues are what they are and, until they are handled and healed, there will be pain there.

~L

[lighter]

I get that you didn't choose to end that relationship, with Robin.

I get that you still care for her.

What I don't get is that she came back here to 'read what you wrote about her' then decide to tell her own side to us.

Did she make close friends here or find comfort in the past?

Does she give a hank about anyone here at all?

Or is she just using your safe place in, what I would consider, an innapropriate way bc she's bored or in the mood to poke or is in pain and wants to share that?

I just don't understand what's going on here, I guess.

Do you really think she's come here to address the problem she has with you... and maybe find resolution?

Cause it looks like she's going to plead her case to people who care about you.


I guess your being her personal pastor for a while puts you in a pretty tough position, huh?

Why do you think she's here?

[reallyME]

Well, Lighter...that's a logical question, considering the nature of this board and the people who are members of it.

Personally, I have known Robin since 2001.  We met through the internet but have also spent some time together in person.  I became as much a part of her family as she did mine at one time, and I'd hoped that could have continued for a lifetime.

I think she has come here to tell her side of things...maybe to question me about some things I posted.  She has never been someone who doesn't take other peoples' feelings to heart.  SHe is ULTRA sensitive emotionally, and I do not believe she has conscious sinister motives...at least, not the person I have known.

Robin might not want to reconcile things with me, but she might feel the need to address some of the things I posted.  By the nature of her own issues, I will say that she tends to internalize hurts when she thinks she has wounded people, so she is not likely here to just openly attack me or anyone else. 

I'm sorry, but, Robin was not the one I even had issues with..."Kay" was...and Kay abused Robin and her daughter as well, so I'm not sure why Robin would now want to jump to her defense and counter anything I have shared.  SHe knows the truth and i do know that as a fellow Christian, she will tell what she believes to be her truth about anything...unless I am terribly wrong and Robin is back with Kay or is just here to launch some sort of attack on me.

I guess I want to still believe the best about her.  She didn't do to me anything near as cruel as some others have.

~L

[Ami]

I thought that Robin was KAY. That is why I had a "violent" reaction                                Ami

[lighter]

Well... I don't know exactly what happened to SU or what kind of abuse you called CPS over.

It sounds like she's made peace with it though and, if nothing else, shared that with you.

I hope you feel better and maybe the friendship will rekindle, given time.

((reallyME))

How are things going for you right now at home?

You OK?

[reallyME]

hmm, at home?  well, my pregnant 18 yr old is still saying things to me like "I don't know when you will get that I really don't CARE what you think or say or how you feel"

Husband and I are going through a book by Gary Chapman called LOVING SOLUTIONS, to heal our marriage to some extent.  We are deciding to try and stay together.

I'm working 2 jobs now...the insurance one and transcription.  I am dropping down to part time hours in the transcription job though, as I just can't leave my daughter home alone after school.  It's illegal and unsafe.

I'm working on paying off some bills and getting the house up to par, ridding it of the roach plague and just overall working on myself and helping my children in life.

God is always so good and He delivered me once agian in a nick of time!

Ty for all prayers and love,
~Laura

[lighter]

Remember the phrase......

'let me know how that works out for ya' in reference to your daughter.

How do you feel about Chapman's book so far?

[reallyME]

Lighter,

It is a book that my husband seems to really be taking to heart.  You know where Gary talks about how the spouses have different love languages?  Well, this morning after reading it to Roland, he asked me to get him some tea, but instead, he asked "My dear, will you get me some love potion please?" HEHE

My husband's love language is ACTS OF SERVICE.  Mine is either GIFTS or WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.  We are both going to learn how to speak what the other needs to hear in the way of love languages.

I think the chapter on divorce was so good!  It really explained how painful divorce is for not only the children but, yes, the husband/wife as well.  Even after the tie is ended, spouses still have to see each other in not so nice, friendly circumstances, with raw feelings still there, and often with one or the other being 'miss nice lady" or "mr good daddy" when it's their turn with the children, and making the homebody parent to seem EVIL for making children do chores, mind them, etc.  Just not something I want to deal with if we can work it all out.  Further, many second marriages end in divorce, because the original issues don't get fully dealt with.

It also might be interesting to note how many dysfunctional people have been divorced and remarried...the ones I know have.  I'm not blaming any one in particular, but dysfuncitons do not help marriage one iota.

~Laura