When you just feel like no words will work..

[Dawning]

Hi again.

So many threads recently.  This one doesn't have to do with the one about help in grieving or the other about the joy of believing in your heart and what it tells you to do with your future.

I am not complaining.  I grew up getting spanked and hit when I complained so the conditioning to keep my mouth shut is strong.  But I am open it and I have learned, weirdly, that timing is a big part of that in mature relationships.

It is 130am here.  I have been trying to find a place to live in western U.S. through Craig's List.  I stay awake until the time is right on the west coast and I call.  The people who will accept pets seem interested, those who won't accept pets just say *no* and that is the end of that.  I know something right will come along - even if temporary - but no words will work with the people I am around.  Do they think I am _that_ powerful?  I am scared, full of anxiety on a daily basis and I am accepting it and not acting it out. 

I just feel so angry now.  One woman, who said she would get back to me in a couple of days about her rental property, has not responded even though she sounded so positive in emails and we even exhanged personal pictures.  Now I am worried.  There is not one who listens to my fears.  I am afraid.  Where will I live?  I just left my job today, whichi I loved.  There are so many emotions and no one I feel comfortable tallking to.  Right now, I feel sad.  I wish things were different.  I wish I was loved.

Thanks for listening to my words.

Love,
Dawning

[Hopalong]

More love coming your way, Dawning.
I've heard that moving is second only to losing a loved one to death on shrinks' lists of major life stressors.

Even a POSITIVE move. For HAPPY reasons.

I think the reason is because you have to become so rigidly functional to get through it all that there's not enough time for rituals of farewell, and efficiency becomes paramount, which tends to leave your heart lagging behind.

This may not ease the pain of the transition but I just want to say that the way you recognize and feel your sadness is such a good thing. It bodes very well for a happy adjustment down the road for you.

You won't be this lonely for long. People will let you down, but remember not to take it personally. A charming realtor is charming you professionally, most likely...

Perhaps finding a church or women's support group ASAP will help you a lot when you get there?

You're grieving lost familiarity. The job too.

But your future is just as bright and exciting as it was when you first dreamed it into being. It will be there for you.

love and faith in your future,
Hops

[Dawning]

Hi.   

I had one of those crying- in- the- living room emotional releases last night and woke up this morning...turned on my computer....read this thread's heartfelt msgs/sharing of stories and the love and good energy coming from each one - and then I checked my inbox.  The woman who owns the property (we exchanged pics) has offered me the place.  I'd like to celebrate NOW! 

So Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, there is the rental agreement and my fear that it will include something that is different from what we have talked about but, but.....Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  She said the people I listed as references (that she contacted) spoke well of me.   I'm glad I had the good sense not to include my father, my aunt or my cousins.      

I am going to go and fix myself a big breakfast now. 
Thanks for letting me tell you my good news and thanks for all your support.
I love you guys and gals,
Dawning.