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The breakthrough of my feelings.....

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Michelle:
As I have said before, I am in counseling.  One of my major problems that my counselor is helping me with is to FEEL my feelings.  I know this has been discussed on here before and I have found it enlightening.  I know I have lots and lots of repressed anger and sadness that has yet to make its way to the surface.  

I had a breakthrough this week that I wanted to share.  We have 2 pets - a dog and a cat - and have had them for 5 years.  Needless to say, they are my children (I had them pre-"human"-children).   :)   Well, our cat is an outside cat and on Monday she went out as usual, but hasn't been back since.  We have searched the neighborhood for her, called all animal-related folks and have not left a single stone unturned.  This is very unlike her and we are worried sick.  However, this has been a huge lesson for me.  I have been tremendously sad since Tuesday, when she had been gone for over 24 hours.  Since then I have cried several times a day, particularly when I really sit down and think about her or hear a sad song on the radio.  Last night I even cried when the 9lives commercial was on.   :) We love that cat like you can't believe, but I have really come to terms with my feelings.  That it is ok for me to be sad.  That I don't have to apologize or feel badly for feeling the way I do - even if someone else doesn't understand or agree with me.  I don't have to explain myself.  It has really felt freeing to feel this way.  I honestly think that this is the first time in my life that I have allowed myself to feel true grief about something.  I hope that this will open the door to allowing myself to mourn and grieve over my lost childhood.  I hope that I can allow myself to be mad and then sad about all the horrible things that have happened in my life so far.  Then I hope I can find it somewhere inside to at least forgive my offenders.  Even if I don't have a relationship with them, I think for my own well-being I need to forgive them.  

I hope my cat returns.  I have hope that she will, but I am also being realistic in knowing it is probably not likely.  I will celebrate the many memories that she has given us and always hold her dear to my heart.  If I never see her again, she has blessed my life with so many things......and most recently, she has given me the gift of "feeling" again.

Thanks for allowing me to share.  Please keep our cat "Pepper" in your thoughts and prayers.  Thanks.

Michelle

Dr. Richard Grossman:
Hi, Michelle--

My thoughts are with you,

Richard

Michelle:
Thanks Richard.  I appreciate your thoughts very much.  I just got finished reading some past posts and read the one about your dog, W., passing away...That post truly touched me.  I am so sorry about the loss of your dear friend.  My thoughts are with you as well.

Michelle

Ishana:
Michelle,

Isn't it amazing what wonderful benefits pets can bring into our lives?  I am glad that you found a way to grieve...and that you make the connections to other emotions.  My thoughts are with you also.

Ishana

Michelle:
Thanks Ishana...I appreciate your thoughts.  You are very kind!

Michelle

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