sad thought.what does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose....

[reallyME]

his own soul.

The Bible talks about the people in life who gain fame, material things, glamour, popularity, obeisance from others...and yet, lose their own souls.

Most of the dysfunctional people whom I've seen on Dr Phil and experienced in my life, had money, nice clothes, makeup, fake nails, prestige, popularity, even ministry gifts and talents...some were even very ANOINTED in what they did, and i'd venture to say still are!...yet, something was missing in some of them...they were missing "souls"

I'm not saying they sold their souls to satan or were born psychpaths...I'm saying that they have "everything" money can buy, yet could not LOVE, show compassion, empathy, concern, remorse, or any of those things that makes a person truly a HUMAN creation of God.  Their pasts made them that way; their pasts that were never their fault...but, when enough people came to them to let them know there were problems, and they didn't reach out for help, the abuse and neglect toward others BECAME their fault.

Lord, help me to hold on to my ability to be a SOUL.  Even if everything else falls apart or becomes a loss, let me NEVER lose the ME You created me to be and let those who lost it, find themseves again in You, their first love.

God bless you all  with that realization of just how important you are to Him, even though you may never get that embrace of love and acceptance from the hurtful peoiple in your lives.

~RM

[sun blue]

I totally agree with you that NPDs have no soul.  They also have no HEART.  Somewhere, very, very deep down inside, I think they are incredibly envious of those who have a real heart, who can empathize and love and show compassion.  Perhaps consciously they can never admit that or verbalize it, but it is still true.  The more people around them (like us) show love, vulnerability and compassion, the more the NPD lashes out.

Both my NPD mom and NPD sister have done very well in life.  They've encountered great luck and good breaks which have helped them achieve the material success they have.  My NPD sister is very well off and her success can be attributed in no small measure to the direct efforts of my NPD mom who always went out of her way to help her, to have others help her, etc.  In return, she completely ignored me and made no effort to help me in my career.  The end result is that they both have all the material things and outward success that our society deems important.

It's true they probably have no soul or heart.  But I find it very difficult most times because not many people care whether someone has a good heart or a soul.  As a society, we are judged by the outward symbols of success---how much money we make, what kind of house we live in, the importance of the job we have, the people we know, etc.  This of course plays directly into the heads and hands of NPD.  It makes me feel like a failure. 

I've read that NPD people are inwardly unhappy people, despite what their outward behavior might indicate.  I'm wondering if this is just wishful thinking on the part of those of us who have been the recipients of their unacknowledged abuse all our lives.  If it is true they are unhappy, are they aware of it or do they even care?  In my specific situation, it appears to me that both my NPD mother and sister have gotten everything they've wanted in life (most times, at the expense of others).  THey won.  They don't seem unhappy.  THey don't seem to care they have no relationships with their children/siblings. 

Sometimes I can't help but wonder what good is being a good, sensitive person with a kind heart and a good soul?

[lighter]

I don't think you have to worry about losing your soul..... some people just aren't wired that way.

Our identities are tied up in something else that makes us easy prey to those that lost them.

As for this thread.... I can't tell you how much time I've spent dwelling on this topic.

Thanks for posting it here.

It's circular.... I get mad at an abuser (general) then I trace it back to why...( their FOO) Or some monster they had to endure then.... I'm mad at the FOO and seeing the abuser as a victim too and on it goes. 

I also think that the sociopaths, the big and the little ones, do very well in the business world and that's why you see them with cars and money and 'thiiiiings' but no empathy.

Think about how much you could do, if you had no empathy for anyone but yourself.  I can't but I've tried and it was scary enough just doing that. 

NOTHING. 

NO EMPATHY means they can rape pillage and plunder their way through life, figuratively and literally, and they have the advantage of blindsiding the world every time. 

Action is quicker than reaction.  By the time anyone figures them out, and they're on Dr. Phil for instance, they've ransacked the coffers and loved ones in their lives. 

Blech and thanks again for this thread. 

[Certain Hope]

Npd manipulators on the internet have no mask of material stuff, or physical appearance with which to offend or impress... just strings attached to those willing to be puppets.
Applaud for me now, defend me here, oppose those who would dare disagree with me, ahh - hoop here - jump quickly - yes, yes - bravo, brava, little puppet - well done. I am so proud of you. Oh, wait, let me trim just an inch or two of those strings.
Blech.

Take good care, Laura

With love,
Carolyn

[reallyME]

aptly put, Carolyn!

[lighter]

Heh...

Carolyn.....

::wiping screen::

I don't know why but.....

the jump through hoops comment made coffee come out my nose, lol

[Hopalong]

Lighter, if you don't concentrate better we're going to have to dedicate a whole thread to your nose. It has housed coffee, stray streams of Neti water, and no doubt shampoo. When are you going to figure out what it is really good for? (Inhaling equisite aromatherapeutic essences, natural perfumes, and amazing cooking...)

CHope, thank you much for that real and lighthearted look at things. You are very light on your metaphorical feet (probably on your real ones, too!). I love it when people express how serious and funny are both alive in the same moments sometimes.

I was thinking that a lack of empathy enables one to be ruthless, which in many traditions = material success. But I've known some fine people who had wealth--but not NPD. I think they had fine powers of concentration and weren't confused about goal-setting, by all the emotional "snow" that most NPD folks (and likely most victims of NPDs, too) are distracted by.

hugs,
Hops

[lighter]

Hops.... as a matter of fact... I've busily been snuffling Starbuck's Anniversary blend and enjoying very very smelly candles, lol.

Snuffling the WHOLE beans, lol... not just enjoying it exiting my nose

[Hopalong]

Were you one of those kids always being taken to the ER so a new resident could practice his forceps technique on your nose?

 

Jelly beans. They seem designed to test young nostrils' stretchiness.

Does your nose have stretch marks? Do you have a fondness for Jimmy Durante?

(Hope you know that I intuitively realize you have a perfectly beautiful schnoz.)

hardehar,
Hops

[lighter]

Actually, Hops.....

I come from people with very forceful noses, lol.   

Read that as..... interesting and somewhat large nosed people.

My bestest roomate had the thing for sticking stuff up her nose.

She really was at the emergency room giving residents plenty of forcep practice; )

[Hopalong]

I love forceful, large noses!

Especially on women!

Character and interest and planes and terrain...that's what I like on a face.

Though I'm able to appreciate more conventional beauty too.

In Three Cups of Tea, I love the way the author describes the ethnicity of the villagers. How much respect he has for different kinds of beauty.

I think I'm going to go post this for Lupita, too, who's about to saw her nose off.

love
Hops