So many sons go through their lives without such an honest love.
You can release all the early stuff. You can forgive yourself kindly...try it. Talk
to yourself with all the mature love you wish you'd had to work with back then.
Whatever happened happened and it's gone down the river and around the bend.
What's coming now is from a deeper spring and you can have happiness.
You have punished yourself enough. You have made your amends.
You are a good person, PP.
Hops, I want to believe this. I want to feel it. It seems like others have figured out how to do it.
I do feel differently from how I expected to feel after posting this part of my story. I remembered some things I hadn't thought about in a long time. And I am just astonished at how surrounded I was by selfishness. I was so incredibly unhappy. And hardly anybody cared.
I guess I thought I would put that story here and end up feeling like some kind of evil person.
I kind of knew I wouldn't feel all light and free like I did yesterday after the huge insight from Authentic about my mother's version of what my sister used to be like. I felt good all day after that discovery. It enlightened me about everything.
Today's story is so painful. It seems like I need to recuperate. Go easy on myself for a while.
I will try to forgive myself.
Pennyplant
