Re: Izzy's story

[Hopalong]

Aww, Izzy.
I am sad to hear you say this.

It maddens me that you cope with so much alone.

I watched a wonderful show about a preacher who had been declared a heretic for his changed theology (over time he came to abandon his belief in hell). Anyway, he'd had a mega-church. All lost, taken away.

One day a woman preacher from San Francisco called him and invited him to her church. He wound up with his own congregation there: homeless people, people with AIDS, transgendered people, many gay people, many mentally handicapped people. And apparently it is a very joyful and supportive place, and he had never abandoned his faith, just had abandoned his belief in the most literal interpretations of texts he was taught.

Long story shorter, I really do wish that you could find a small community of people, maybe some who are disabled, some who aren't but who have other serious isolation challenges, and try becoming one of them. Over time, I think interacting in a loving community would do more to heal you than anything you've tried so far.

love (and no worries if you loathe the idea...)
Hops

[isittoolate]

Thanks  Hops,

For my story I tried to write how I expect that I became disconnected from myself and led me to use my voice.

As you know there is so much more regardings all the Ns in my life, but I think my story shows how I could be vulnerable to any attention paid to me, and yet------------------I was not attracted to every kind person; I didn't fall for every scam that came my way. I have something that keeps me on the straight and narrow, that knows happy from sad, that makes me a good worker and all such things.

But it is the story itself that I wrote to show where I have to go and work forward.

When I was 19 I cried from lonelinesss. I am now 68 and I don't cry from loneliness. It went away after the N experience. I am happy to be alone. Please don't allow that to bother you. If I require aid, I can find it!

Love
Izzy

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[changing]

Darling, Wonderful, Lovable Izzy-

You are so special and beautiful inside and out. I know that you have seen much, and suffered much, but you are too special to hide yourself away-so many people would benefit from seeing you, having fun with you,  and being your friend. Such a brilliant, funny, lovely, indomitable soul- it's not fair to the rest of us for you to be in isolation, you are sorely needed. I for one, have decided to redo my house Izzy-style and rid myself of gee-gaws, and somehow inch my way toward the Izzy ways of discipline and perfection. The world needs to see and know you!!!! We want Izzy! We want Izzy! We want Izzy!
And, with both you and Hoppy newly busy with friends and dating, there will be a lot of fun items to read on the board! We want to hear it all!

Love You,

Changing

[isittoolate]

Dear changing

Following my lead with no gee-gaws (or few) I forgot I had posted that. Less to move/dust

I posted a on here about physical and mental pan. CB came so close, if not right on, to what I've been wondering.

I broke a leg and feel no pain, but it is still there. It drained me.  I have a cast as hard as cement to hold my bones together
I broke my 'feelings' but they are still there. I just can't find them.. They were covered over by a truckload of cement or something!

am working on me!!

Love
Izzy



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[changing]

Izzy-

Your feelings have been crushed, like my heel, and heavily casted, it's true- now they will knit together, and emerge, perhaps a bit sensitive to the touch at first- but they are there, and they are beautiful, like you are. I can see their light in you.

Love,

Changing

[teartracks]

Dear Izzy,

I never change my linens that I don't think of you.  I wish I were there to help you make your bed.  I used to be very precise in the way mine was made.  I don't like a frau frau bed.  I've relaxed a little in having it made exactly right.  I like old sheets that I have had a long time.  The higher the thread count the better.  Then when they get about half worn out from repeated launderings, I  feel like I really have them broke in and they are yummier than ever.  You'll probably think I'm crazy, but when one of my sheets gets threadbare and goes to the recyclers, I miss it and grieve a little.  

Sorry for all the crummy service you're getting with the taxi cab and community service.  What a bummer.  And that skin tear from the cast looks bad.  Do you heal quickly?  Why can't they cut a hole in the cast for that other place where there is a sore so it can get air and heal?  

Love,

tt

[Overcomer]

Iz-  You are right .  Your story only tells the beginnings.  Now it is easier to see why your relationships are hard now.  Do you think your home had N things going on?  For wor to feel so alone makes me think your parents were not there for you-maybe they were self absorbed?  Sounds like N to me.  do you del better after posting your story?

[isittoolate]

Yes OC

I'm hoping it is easy to see that those beginnings had damaged my self-worth, I had no voice, I had no boundaries, I lived what I saw, and was told very little. I spied on my sisters to find out the things that happen to girls. I read "True Confessions" (found under their mattresses when I snooped) to learn what life was really like <naive me>

Then the following traumas just made things worse: common-law relationship, illegitimate child, serious car accident (no counselling), daughter meeting the N and marrying him. His kicking me from their lives--losing her and the kids. My meeting an N and having 4 years of that


Yessiree. I was ripe for ther picking! but no more!

Love
Izzy

[lighter]

Nope nope nope.... no more, Izz.

Now you're a force to be reckoned with: )