our words

[reallyME]

As I'm sitting here, still pondering today's sermon at church, I am thinking about the spoken words of people. Words that all of us have spoken or heard at one time or another.  Words that meant nothing, something, everything.  Words that proved true, lies, empty, broken promises.  Amazes me how words can really shape who we are.

"you are the only one who understands me"

"you are the only one I trust.  I trust noone but you."

"I'm not like the others.  I won't leave you."

"I love you"

"you will never want for anything while you are with me"

"you are valuable; a treasure"

"you deserve dignity and respect"

"you don't need to be afraid"

"I'm not going anywhere"

"I always come back.'

"I won't tell a soul.  I promise."

"what goes on here, stays here."

"It's gonna be ok"

These are some of the bricks that humans use to form, build, maintain, terminate relationships.  These are the bricks that are invisible, dilapidated, painted over, traded in, and often removed in relationships.  These are the bricks that people use to like, love, manipulate, control, condemn, reward, punish us. 

What a POWERFUL thing the spoken word is...truly when Jesus said "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks" He said a mouthful!  In the heart of the dysfunctional, is there purity in these words or should I ask which heart do they utter them from at the initial time?

I have witnessed words being able to change from one week, day, moment to the next.  I even strive for consistency in my own words in my life.  How can I love and hate at the same time?  How can I want and yet despise at the same time?  How can I be kind and unkind at the same time?

I remember one of my mentors asking "can sweet and bitter water come from the same well?"  Truly it can't...yet, in dysfunction, often it sure seems to.

Just uttering some deep thoughts here.  Words can really change lives for better or for worse.  wow

[Hopalong]

Hi RM,
Human promises get broken all the time. Even sincere promises.
Humans sometimes promise more than they find they can deliver.

Some beliefs persuade people into biting off more than they can chew.
The ideal is there to honor and to aim for.

It's hard to stay in the present, isn't it?

love
Hops

[reallyME]

Hops: It's hard to stay in the present, isn't it?

hey Hoppy...I found this so interesting that you tacked it onto the post you wrote...but, yes, it sure is sometimes hard to do this.  The past held so much more promise for me than the present, unfortunately, in a lot of ways.

right now, I'm just living day to day, telling God that I'm His to do with whatever He wants, because sincerely, I've lose most of the joy and hope in life, even though my nic name on a forum is Vessel of Hope.  It seems I can offer people hope, but life is just really blah or painful for me much of the time.  you know what I've been going through even with the basic needs going unmet for so long.  Those things are improving, but my heart still carries some hurts and now I'm letting God deal with those.

~L

[Hopalong]

I know, RM.
Your life is harder than many.
I can understand how obsession could become a kind of escape from a hard present. And an addiction.

You might even want to make yourself stay out of forums (not here, do stay here!) but just not let too much more of your life happen outside of your own present life itself, know what I mean?

It's only by tending to the present that we change the future anyway.
We have to let some things go. Hypnosis has really helped me.

Are you still in school, or if not, when is your next course? What are you going to take?

Hops

[Ami]

Dear Laura,
  I am a Bible believer,as you know. The Bible is the ultimate truth for me-- the final say. However,I am reading Pema Choedrins book --- The Places that scare you"( I think is the name).
It has helped me to dissolve long held ideas that are hurting me.
  It is profoundly helpful.The inner child books are really helping,too .I have moved from a "stuck"place
In the end, they help me to understand the Bible more deeply-- Just a thought    Love   Ami 

[reallyME]

Hops,

i will call myself "triggered" rather than obsessed.  My life has gone on without these people and I haven't died over their desertions.

I haven't really been in chat rooms in ages for any length of time.  The next time I am in one will be when I am leading one myself.  Since that allows me a measure of jurisdiction over the happenings in it, I do just fine...always have.  i am a leader, not a follower, so, being in extreme submission places doesn't work for me anyhow.

I'm not going to school this semester or maybe at all, because I have a husband who is putting off his end of applying for school grants.  Once my employment has been continual for a year, I might be able to fill out my own grant applications a bit better, but right now, it's not happening.

Currently, I work for an insurance company and as a transcriptionist.  I enjoy those jobs very much.  I have no clue what I'm supposed to even be studying in school at this point even if i do go back.  I have no real goals to work toward at this point, Hops.

~RM

[Hopalong]

The insurance company is work-from-home?
Or in their office?

I am wondering if you could ask for on-the-job training there?

What brings you the most joy as I remember seemed to be your courses at the community college.
That was wonderful, hearing your excitement and feelings of accomplishment when you did a report
or a paper and did well.

I hope you can find a grant to do that is just for you. Even if it's for a B.A. in general studies.
It's a liberal arts education that most awakens the mind. And in classrooms rather than online.

I went to the SBA mentoring program, called SCORE (Service Corps of Retired Executives) and
got invaluable help.

You are feeling kind of down right now, but remember you will catch another wave.
Don't give up. (I mean, give up on what you're SUPPOSED to give up on  --but not your own life.)

Hops