Feeling Hatred

[gratitude28]

((((((((((((((((((((((((Penny))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[pennyplant]

Thank you ((((((((((Beth))))))))))

[teartracks]

Hi PP,

((((((((((((I'm admiring you for sharing your feelings of embarrassment about Hate=fear))))))))))))).

Honesty counts and you have that. 

tt

[gratitude28]

PP and TT,
I spent so long being embarrassed... and realizing it was due to fear. I always felt as if I were the outcast. I always felt like I was the one who didn't 'get it.' I think both, as TT said, being honest about that feeling, and actually realizing the feeling, will lead to a huge change. You are on a good road, Penny. And you are stronger than you know.
Love, Beth

[Certain Hope]

Hate masquerades as strength, I think? I mean, it feels powerful for a bit, I suppose... till you realize that it's eating away at your soul.

But they say that it's not the opposite of love at all... that would be ambivalence.

And the Bible teaches that to hate someone is equal to murder... and I think the one murdered is actually the one doing the hating?
Consumed from the inside out, with no love left to sustain life.
I think that's why an old confirmed N is so brittle and dry and empty. Hatred used them up.

Tired here.

Pops, you sound good! Y'all sound good, actually : )   

I guess it's not a good idea to hate fear... gives it too much oomph. Better to be ambivalent about fear!

Love,
Carolyn

[gratitude28]

I really have been trying to see if there are any hidden emotions I have that seem like hatred - and I don't think right now I feel any. I do intensely dislike this mom on the soccer team, and I have to admit she scares me. I feel I need to confront her at some point, and I  am not very good at that. She is nasty and undermining. I think people who are undermining bother me more than any other kind... the sneakiness.

[Ami]

Dear Beth,
  That mother is your opportunity to really heal. Write about all the various steps in your interactions with her. She is pushing your button b/c your button needs healing. It is a chance to heal old wounds,is how I see it                       Love  Ami

[gratitude28]

I think you are right on, Ami. Fortunately, as I understand her more, she has so much less power over me. I can foresee a lot of what her rections and games will be, and cut them off. Also, she has little contact with me now. It is funny, out of guilt, for all these years, I amintained contact. And when I stopped, she basically backed away from me completely. I sense she is relieved not to have to deal with me more than she absolutely has to in order to keep up pretenses.
Love, Beth

[Ami]

No Beth---- I meant the soccer mother --not your FOO mother                         ami

[gratitude28]

Oh, the soccer thing. Ugh, yes. Let me think. I have to go to a lunch now. Yes, there is something really not right there and I don't know what it is.
Thank you.
Love, Beth