Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Mother's Day Messages

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Michelle:
Hi Singer!  Thanks for the reply and insight.  I remember you saying your mother is elderly, correct?  And you obviously live close to her if you are occasionally taking her groceries.  That is hard, Singer.  I live on the west coast, my mother lives on the east coast and I still have a hard time drawing boundaries!  I can't imagine living closeby.  Stay strong!  You are doing a great job.


--- Quote --- Turns out my sister was going to visit her today and take her to the mall, so I declined her grudging invitation to join them. Why spoil her opportunity to let my sister know how unfeeling and neglectful of her I am. So I got the day to myself AND made her day.  :)
--- End quote ---


Sorry to hear that, but I am glad that you at least got the day to yourself!  I hope you did something to celebrate YOU!


--- Quote --- I'm trying to deal with her as if we had a normal relationship, and just withdraw when things start to turn bizarre. She did get in a few jabs, but was in a hurry so I was able to just let them fly. Now I have a week to brace for the next contact. :(  Still not sure why I put myself through this.
--- End quote ---


I'm curious....how does she react when you have to withdraw?  Does she even notice a difference?  How was the time between Feb - April for you when you didn't have any contact?  

Thanks again for replying.  I am keeping you in my thoughts for strength and acceptance.....these are tough times for all of us!  

Michelle[/quote]

Michelle:
Hi Guest -


--- Quote ---That line "it was all out of love for you" is so familiar!!  My mother has used it to justify all kinds of behaviour. Glad to hear you didn't take the bait.
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Thanks for the affirmation.  I am just beginning in this "independent" stance against my mom, so your words mean a lot.  Sorry that your mom tries the same "games" as mine - it's pathetic really!


--- Quote ---Now I think it was a small way she could reject the role of mother – which I think she hated – while making herself feel superior.
--- End quote ---


I am sorry for that, but I am glad that you are making headway in seeing the real motivation behind your mom's actions!  That is true progress.  


--- Quote ---My H phoned his mother today, but we bowed out of his family's Mother's Day barbecue, which consists of all the men watching sports on TV in the basement, and all the women cooking in the kitchen.  Some Mother's Day! Fortunately my H loathes it as much as I do.
--- End quote ---


Good for you AND your husband!  Your right - who wants to spend "Mother's Day" cooking for everyone????  Not my idea of a 'treat".  

I'm glad you posted...it was nice to see your view of things and hear your story.  
Michelle

Michelle:
Hi Dawning -

Thanks for your words of encouragement!  

Thanks also for the link - I haven't gotten to it yet but am excited to listen!  

Michelle

SYIT:
This year, after struggling for the several weeks about what to do, I sent my NMom flowers that were delivered on Thursday. Although I have received numerous phone calls and daily letters, I've received no communication with her once the flowers were delivered.

It was different - and I was able to go to a movie without worrying about what to do on that particular day.  It is hard though, dealing with public perception of Mom's that come at you from the media, wishing you had the same perspective.

sjkravill:
I wasn't going to write... but this has been brewing, I think...
There is no acknowledged conflict between my mother and I...  I do whatever I can to keep the peace.  

Here is our mother's day conversation:

Me: "Happy Mother's day!  Wish I could be there."
MOM:  "your brother's at work.. I am all alone on mother's day"
Me:  "You're not alone.  You have your mother and mother-in-law"
   . . .
Me: "Well, I am looking forward to a visit from you and dad in a few weeks"
MOM: "I know you weren't really looking forward to it at first, but I knew you would eventually be glad for it."
Me: "what?  I never said I wasn't looking forward to it."
MOM:  "Yes, remember?  At first you didn't want us to come... Now, aren't you glad we are coming?"
Me: "what? ... ok.. Well, looking forward to seeing you both!"

(what the hell?  Even if I thought that I wouldn't say it out loud, or even elude to it in my voice.  I know how sensitive she is! Is she rewriting history or am I losing it?!)

MOM: "and when we come we will make appointments to look at apartment complexes in the area."
Me: "Happy Mother's day!"
(She knows about the problems between H and I, and she suggests that I move out and "date" him for a while.  I have even suggested that it may come to something like that, but we were not there yet).

Why does she have to control everything?!  In so many conversations she tells all of us what we will be doing.  No ammount of protesting will help, because we will all be thankful for it in the end. We will hurt her feelings by saying "no"  and then we all give in.  To follow is, "now, aren't you glad I..."  

I wrote her an email to tell her that I did not want us to look at apartment complexes when they are here.  If I need to do that, I will do it.  
Now I guiltily think, maybe in the end I will be glad she forced this.  But in the end, I really feel the need to do things in my own time, in my own way.   With my own independence.
I am starting to understand my voicelessness.
Thanks for letting me vent and think.
 
Peace, sjkravill

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