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Mother's Day Messages

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Spirit:
I did not send any message, in fact I am not in touch with my parents for about a year and I think it is a brave thing to do for me.

What my mom meant to me, She was all whom I trusted and I have done my best to protect her from severe emotional abuse from my dad and even some of his relatives. Infact I come to understand that my birth itself was a blessing in disguise for her as atlast she had someone to relate to. Instead what did she do ? Used me, to protect herself, I was her shield. She would say' would you leave me and go away with your father ? ' and stuff like that and my 'love' for her grew. And how did she reward me for showing her suc hloyalty ? By IGNORING me, because she expected more from me apart from my unconditional trust I showed to her words. She expected me to accept her showing no affection in return, because according to her that too would g oagaint my dads wihes and she would be in trouble ( which is true to some extend though, knowing my dad )

So there I was, I had to protect her by fighting against my father and pretending that I was doing it for my own sake and denying any involvement from mom and learning not to accept any affection in return from her cos that too would put her in trouble. How does she justify her actions ? She prays a lot and would burst into tears on occasions if I merely hint I question her.. by saying ' she always prays for my success.. and did you know how much she would feel hurt if I am not there"

...and me being me.. was taken .. my love for her grew

I wanted to show her the world, to show how good men can be, how not all men are not like dad.

I remember when I was a kid about 5 perhaps? when dad wanted to take me away for a month I think ( on vaccation to his relatives house ) without my mom... and I remember her tears and her words ring in my head even today..' I know I am powerless..now that you are grown up are you going to leave me behind and go with your father... "
And i refused to go away with him. I loved her then. very much. I cried for her and thought how cruel my dad was.

That was me. I took her words as truth UNCONDITIONALLY because I loved her.

Let me tell you an incident that happened recently.. about 5 yrs ago
I used to live with my parents at that time, and things sparked on again when one of my dad's relative ( my cousin infact but she is about 20 yrs older than me ) was about to visit us after a decade atleast. my mom was upset and almost in tears. I asked her why and she told ' this is something i have kept as a secret for years but can't hod on anymore because my memories are coming back and how bad my cousin had treated her when we used to live at her house about 10 yrs ago '... she hinted at stories of abuse yet never gave any details. She also emphasises that she was helpless at that time ' you were very young at that time.. and wont remeber and I didn''t have anyone to tell' etc etc and then asked me to promise not to tell dad that she had told me all those.

next week I threw my cousin out of the house. I felt like a hero. My mom who was there pretended as she was not there at that moment ofcourse ( and later on even tried 'in vain' obviously to stop me from creating such ugly scenes in otherwise a calm and happy house. ( My dad who was also present in the house and reading a newspaper, somehow managed to forget the entire episode and had to be told that night that such an event had occured !! thats another story and I will get to that another time )

I felt like a hero that day. I cried with self pity and reaffirmed my UNCONDITIONAL TRUST and love foe my mom. And what did I get in return ? She spewnt an exrtra half hour in praying.. and she even said ' you were right in what you did but let it go it is history' and everything was hushed up.

Now we don't talk for over a year and I have bee nliving away from her for  4 yrs. I did not even get a single call from her.. or any attempts to contact me.

The romantic fool who is always there to help 'damsels in distress' ?? that bread has not vanished yet.

I am seriously HURT. I feel BETRAYED BEYOND WORDS and the least I could do is IGNORE HER COMPLETELY no matter what so many of the 'close caring relatives thinks'

Spirit:
I felt so emotionally charged  when I made the above post and I am PROUD that I could say the things I said aloud !

Thanks again everyone.

Wildflower:
My mother’s day.  A day later.  Putting together the pieces. :cry:  :cry:

I got another nugget from her.  See, I’m from a medical family, and even though my mother never went to medical school, she’s been working in the medical field for years, and she’s so proud of her knowledge – gleaned from her parents and her jobs.

Last night she was bragging to me in the form of telling me a story about impressing her new boss.  She one-upped her new boss by knowing the technical term for the condition that makes your eyes squeak when you rub them.  It reminded me of another story.  

When I was growing up, every time I went outside, I’d start sneezing.  It wasn’t allergies – I was tested.  {EDIT: And it was just a transitional thing.  Only lasted about five minutes at the most.}  My mom used to make fun of me about it all the time.  As I said in another post, I wanted to be a naturalist at one point in my life.  She was embarrassed about it.  She told friends she hoped it was a phase.  When I sneezed, she said to me, and you want to be a naturalist.  You can’t even be outside. :evil:

A few years ago, I was talking with a co-worker, and somehow I found out that not only did he sneeze when he went outside, but his kids did, too.  Turns out it’s a reaction to the sun.  And climate changes.

So, I ask Mom if she remembers how I used to sneeze and how she used to tease me about it.  I tell her that I met a few other people who did the same thing.  She said, oh yeah.  That’s called blah blah blah (some technical terms).  It’s a sinus condition.  Makes you sneeze when exposed to climate conditions. :shock:  :shock:

And elsewhere I posted that she knew I was in trouble (teachers, school counselors, a child psychiatrist all told her I was in trouble – deeply hurt, even) but she didn't help me or find help for me.

And when I begged her to take me home with her at the end of a field trip with my classmates to NYC – where my dad lived/lives…when I begged her to take me home because he was drinking too much already, and I couldn’t bear another week alone with him, she told me to stay because it would upset him.  She left me there. :cry:  :cry:  :cry:

So…um…the theme of my life?

She knew.  She knew that it wasn’t my fault.  She knew I had a condition.  She knew I was hurt.  She knew my father drank too much.  She knew he hurt me.  She knew I was struggling to lift my head as a baby.

And she did nothing.  Well, no.  She beat me up anyway, that’s what she did.  She sent me to my dad’s anyway.  She made fun of my condition anyway.  She beat me down for “misbehaving” anyway.

I don’t know how to deal with this.  She wasn’t misunderstanding.  She wasn’t blinded by her own abuse.  She knew.  And she was still cruel.

Wildflower

{EDIT: P.S. - Just had a big rage/cry/rage/cry about it.  Feeling much better now.  And hey...I was able to be incredibly angry with her without having a panic attack!  That's progress, right?)

Anonymous:
I read through the posts on this thread (including my own) and feel sad and angry  :(  :evil:  at the pain and suffering we've all gone through. What amazes me over and over is the similarities in everyone's stories -- our mothers' need to control, to feel superior, to ridicule, to whine, to manipulate, to always be right, to use our vulnerability and love for them against us for their own ends, and to never believe for a minute that they are wrong or rude or hurtful or behaving badly. I've read the literature that says their actions are all a desperate cover for a big, echoing void inside that terrifies them, but knowing that doesn't change the ugly, ugly pictures our words have painted. :evil:  :evil:

I hereby propose that we inaugurate an Anti-Mothers' Day -- the purpose of it being to celebrate freedom from awful childhoods -- there could be an Anti-Fathers' Day too.

I'm going off to compose some tasteful greeting cards for the occasion.

Also -- I think it's time I started identifying myself -- I'm Guest from up above on the thread, now AKA

Morgan

Michelle:
Hi SYIT -


--- Quote ---It is hard though, dealing with public perception of Mom's that come at you from the media, wishing you had the same perspective.
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I agree.  When I went to the Hallmark store, I was sad to see that the majority (99%) of cards were mushy, "super" mother cards.  None were for the "I wasn't a great mother, but you're still alive aren't you?" mother.   :lol:

I applaud you for doing something for yourself on that day!  Good for you.

Michelle
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