Maybe Everyone Could give a little and We could Have a Loving Community

[Ami]

The way I see this thing with bullying is that if everyone could give a little love , then maybe we could resolve this,today and go on.
  I think that certain people bullied just b/c. If they could own that,it would be wonderful for everyone. We all have been bullied and have bullied. Many people don't want to get involved in conflict. They are bystanders. We all have done that and had that done to us.
   Authentic was raped as a little girl. Maybe, we could give her a little TLC just out of the love that we have in our own hearts.
  Maybe, Authentic would give us another chance with her raw feelings.
  That is how I see it.I think that everyone could grow in a positive way--as a community -if we could  resolve this with love . Love never fails
   Love   Ami

[Ami]

Dear CB,
 That  is your voice and you are entitled to it. Maybe,other people have a different perspective on it.We shall see.                                                 Ami                             

[JanetLG]

Ami,

It's a good idea, but I don't think it's going to happen.

Some people , even though they say sweet things on other threads, cannot bring themselves to actually be pleasant when it comes to it - they just want to snipe, because they can.

Authentic deserved better. She started a very valuable thread about whether this board needs a moderator (even though in the title of her thread she noted 'not WANTED' - so it was clear before anyone posted on that thread that SHE didn't want a moderator, she simply wanted to discuss the idea. That got totally hijacked, and she felt in the end that she needed to pull the thread to protect herself from bullying comments. She even had to ask Dr Grossman to intervene.

If I was Authentic, I don't think I'd risk this place again, even though I'd dearly love to see her back here, posting her wise thoughts and insights.


Janet

[Ami]

The problem is "Where CAN we work on our FOO issues? People in our life don't understand. Most therapists have similar issues so can't understand.
  The way that I look at the board is that I have to fight for my healing. If someone does not like me,I cannot lose sight of my goal,which is to get 'healed". I can only do that by facing the pain.
  If I don't do it here--- where else will I do it?
  I saw at my party that most people are unhealed. Most people have buried their FOO issues very deeply. They drink, have sex, affairs,shop   etc in order to RUN away from what we   are facing right now.
  I don't want to live an unhealed life. I have been doing that,already. I have everything that I need and want in the outside world, by the Grace  of God.
  I need to get my "soul" back . Most people are not even on that "path". They simply want to have "another drink" or another affair. That is not me.
  I KNOW where I want to go. Authentic needs to have a "Screw you attitude to anyone that she does not like,IMO.
  She needs to fight for her healing. If not HERE--- where?   That is how I see it. I am not her, so I know that it is easy to say. Most people can go to the dentist without freaking out--so I don't have much to really say about triggers. It is just my opinion                  Love Ami

[JanetLG]

Ami,

Perhaps the people who want to heal will just have to have their own thread discussing that (on the main section, as the idea of a separate one didn't get discussed to any conclusion, yesterday), and those who want to talk about anything they want(but not trying to heal) to will be able to have their own threads, as they have been doing. As has been happening, the two types will be separate, but appearing on the same forum. People are free to choose which ones to contribute to, or lurk on.

We've only got here, IMO, as you said, if we want to discuss healing from N's - in'real life' no-one at all understands what work needs doing to heal, so this is our only chance, and I'm certainly not going to give up now. There are some brilliant people on this forum, and I want to keep talking things over with them.

Bullying will just have to be reported to Dr G more often, if it continues to happen.

Janet

[Certain Hope]

I do not want to have a "Screw you attitude" toward people I don't like.

From what I've seen, it's just exactly that  "Screw you attitude" which causes so much harm.

I do not like or trust people who twist my attempts to communicate, my words, into something they're not. I have said repeatedly that I am here in order to learn to communicate more effectively, because my own awareness of my lacks in that regard are a big part of what's kept me voiceless.

I do not like or trust people who take my open admission of occasional silliness and use it against me to accuse me being "silly" with them in wounding ways.

I do not like or trust people who repeatedly indicate that they have a lock on the very best way of healing, thereby denying the individuality of every single member of this board.

I do not like or trust people who repeatedly blame those who refuse to give them what they have no right to demand.
In other words, people who attack the boundaries of others and - when others won't dissolve into their control - label them abusers.
I have 4 children. None of them are on this board. It is not my responsiblity to re-parent anyone here and I resent so many inferences that people who refuse to engage in that re-parenting are lacking.

No, I do not like people who behave that way; and yet  I do not feel a "Screw you attitude" toward them.

In extreme cases, there are people on this board whom I have chosen to ignore.

I ignore the ones who spew hatred and rage all over anyone who doesn't agree with them 100%.
Yes, I avoid those like the plague and will continue to do so, because I've seen the ever-cycling pattern over a period of years.

Carolyn

[Ami]

You are right. We have to move forward with the topics that we need to heal.  We have to reclaim what we can of our lives. Much was stolen already by N's.Half of our lives were stolen by N's.It is not a joking matter.  I can see myself as a whole person if I continue on in the way that I was.
  We will simply have to keep going forward. What else can we do?. I want to help whoever I can and to help myself. That is my ONLY goal and ONLY reason for being on the board.
                          Love Ami