Dear Dawning,
This is very good food for thought... thank you for sharing.
About your first post, my thought is - a little bit of information can be such a dangerous thing. I've watched people take a brief observation, or a tiny snippet of information, and spin that into an entire life story in the blink of an eye... but I couldn't see that happening until I recognized that I did it myself.
This is why gossip is so very destructive, I think... along with hearing only one side of any relationship story. As far as that goes, I agree with the old saying:
There are two sides to every story (vis marriage, for instance) - his, hers, and the truth.
From my own family models, I learned how to have an extremely critical spirit, and yet I always hated that about myself. I was so afraid of other people, it seemed safer to assume the worst, even though I never told anyone what I really thought. All along, this brought great shame to the surface in me, because in my heart, I believed that I was at least as "bad" as anyone on this earth... and probably worse.
For me, it helps to have trusted friends with whom to share those fears.
I can say to one of them: this person's actions look like such-and-such to me.
Just to say it, without enforcing any final verdict, lessens the power of that "criticism" and allows me to keep eyes open for further input from the person, instead of rushing to a snap judgment. It's a sort of aversion therapy I've practiced which keeps me accountable and allows my tiny brain to increase its frame of reference. Now I am able to see people more as whole beings and not as the sum total of one incident/act/expression. I do wish that others would extend to me the same courtesy, but I surely understand that some are unable to do so... yet.
So sometimes I think it's simple fear which drives folks to hasty judgment... fear of the unknown? So it seems safer to just immediately box a person (especially in a "us/them" mentality).
Other times, though, I think the motivation is quite a bit nastier... for those who really do think of themselves as superior to most and feel righteous in pronouncing their judgments on all us lesser beings. My mother falls into that category... as do many others I've known. They really believe that they're better, more intelligent, wiser, and more capable than the majority of human beings on God's earth. And isn't that what N is all about?
Thanks for the chance to ramble. I needed it.
Carolyn
