Dear Peace,
I hope this is okay with you... to move your last post from the "Hate?" thread this morning over here. This seemed like the best way to continue discussion... or we can just leave it if you'd prefer... I dunno.
Yep I hear ya Izzy.
Tho – have to say, a record player doesn’t have feelings – you nudge it, the only one affected is the nudger as they get a rest from hearing the same thing over and over and over.
This is how I see it:
When the record player is a person – that gentle nudge may feel like a kick in the gut because they aren’t ready to hear that they are stuck in the same groove, the nudger may be misinterpreting that the nudgee is stuck in a groove, when in fact they aren’t, and the nudgee may get offended and say some nasty things.
Then the nudger gets offended cause their getting kicked back, and say some nasty things and the whole purpose of the well-intentioned gentle nudge is lost – and all you get is a major cluster muck with all nudges ending up angry.
And Carolyn, I definitely agree – this whole cluster muck could be avoided if the nudger first checks out how the nudgee feels about being nudged before nudging.
Sometimes, someone inadvertently nudges and in this case, it helps if the nudgee asks the nudger if they intended to nudge, and what was the intent of the nudge. (Similar to your exchange with Lighter when you thought she was being sarcastic). When that happens the potential cluster muck can be stopped in its tracks (as it was with you and Lighter - a good example of communication IMO). When the nudgee doesn’t ask, then we may get a repeat of paragraphs 1 through 3.
If after all of this, there is still a hiccup in the record, the only feasible action I can see is the nudgee needs to stop listening to the nudger until they are ready to hear and the nudger needs to listen to a different record player so they aren’t driven crazy by the repeating sound - kwim? Kinda like letting go of the outcome.
One other piece to consider for the nudgee, is whether the nudger has an agenda different than helping. It may be that the nudger was truly trying to help; however, it could also be that the nudger was nudging to meet their own agenda. The reverse is also true, if the reaction to a gentle, well-intentioned nudge is seemingly over the top, it may be that nudgee was triggered; however, it could also be that the nudgee is blowing things out of proportion to meet their own agenda. (Learned this one from the FOO – had some master Nnudgers and Nnudgees.) Only time can tell when this happens.
Whew – got carried away there. (This is what happens to a post migraine brain) 
Love to you both. Speaking for myself, I appreciate a gentle, well-intentioned nudge most of the time. May not like it, may agree or not with it, but I will always learn something from it.
Peace
PS: I am old enough to know what a record is. Funny thing, I actually had to explain to my D what a record is 
– that was a real unpleasant, eye-opening I am old moment Kinda felt like I was in a Forrest Gump movie
PSS: Carolyn - thinking about you. How did the dentist go?
First off, thank you so much, Peace, for remembering that dental appt. and thinking of me today! That's so sweet... nobody here remembered, even though I've confessed how difficult it is for me. (((((((Finding Peace)))))))) Engaged in a smattering of self-pity over that
But this visit went better than usual, with the bp meds doin their thing... I felt alot calmer. They took many x-rays and got me all shinied up, see?
lol... and I didn't bite anybody
Bad news is to be expected, I guess... that old broken molar is abcessed (probably has contributed to my feelin
lately) and they charge an exorbitant amount for root canal and crown, so I'll just take the antibiotic for 10 days and then have the baddie extracted next Thurs. It'll be okay... just keep tellin myself that I can make a fresh start in this self-care, but still have some leftover messes to clean up; no big deal. Other teeth are pretty good.. just a couple ancient fillings with fissures needing repair, but all in all, I've taken pretty good care of them, I guess (or just good genes). I kept feelin my hands clenched together and repeatedly having to relax, but at least I didn't get the shakes... just exhausted when I got home and feeling full of meds at this point... and yeah, a bit more self-pity.
And on that note, I think I'll go lie back down, cuz I seem to have lost it here...
Mostly wanted to say I'm so glad your migraine departed and how very much I appreciated this post of yours.
What you wrote explained alot to me about how I sometimes feel, because so often I only know that something is bothering me, but not really sure exactly what or why.
The cluster muck gives me a visual of two kids elbowing each other in the ribs, over and over... or pushing, first one and then the other... until finally, one (or both) wind up on the floor.
I really do believe that the solution is twofold
1) Simply asking the other person whether they'd like to hear our opinion.
and
2) Acknowledging to ourselves (and the other!) that our opinion is just that - and not necessarily fact, since we aren't aware of the entire story and do not walk in that person's pink furry bunny slippers.
nap time.
Love you, Peace
Carolyn
