Hi Axa,
I can relate to this struggle a great deal.
my abandonment of my own discipline has been connected with being desperate for some fix from others
One of the things I noticed in the interview with the hypnotherapist the other day was that he talked about skipping over blame and exhortation. Those aren't the things that work effectively on the mind. Hmm. So I went and looked up his book, The NOW Moment. And read the Amazon reviews. Several reviewers said it was the most useful and positive self-help book they'd ever read, because he did not do the "You just need will power and discipline..." thing. At all.
He just gave tools that could create discipline. Instead of banging people about lacking it.
I do think, and have been mulling the last few days, that I respond very well to hypnosis because it's such an intimate experience (even with a voice on tape). And I do crave that "fix" of intimacy. That can be pathological when I'm all needy and Co-D, and other times it feels like joy, a presence that can fill an absence in my life.
I think a full live doesn't mean you never notice an absence or feel lonely. And a productive life doesn't mean you always demonstrate discipline.
While I use my friendly experts-in-the-ears, I'll be very interested in reading this dicussion you've started. Great topic.
thanks,
Hops