It may not always
be graceful.... but I believe, to the bottom of my soul.... that I can handle whatever comes along.... and it'll be OK.
Ok,. lol..... it's
NOT always graceful, lol.
Even if it's
not ok.... it'll be ok, though.... I do believe that.
I guess that's why I say here it so much.... that's what it came down to for me... and how I make it day to day.
Ya, I
believe I'm worthy....
and maybe that didn't happen for me till I was in my mid 30's? Sounds right.
I will tell you this..... pulling myself up by the bootstaps, making a plan and acting, pretending I felt worthy
when I didn't, pretending things would be OK when I didn't know..... surviving something more painful than I'd ever faced before.... were the building blocks over years that lead to this place.
I hope there's better places to come and that my current troubles are building blocks, as well.
In any case.... I have to believe they are.
The old...."what doesn't kill me makes me stronger" saying is exactly true, in my case.
I sure am tired of growing.
I also took what made sense from professionals who figure this stuff out for a living... and left the rest.
So now.... if ever I doubt, bc the facts say I must, I still have some small belief inside myself.
Yikes,
I guess I'd have to call it
faith based though I found that faith through painful experiences......
I wasn't raised in the church and I'm spiritual rather than religous.
About the redemption stuff......
for me.... Lupita's boss coming around and embracing her, bc she extended grace.... would be 100X more powerful than Lupita extending grace to him.
Lupita is a kind gentle soul who wishes no one harm.
She doesn't
feel better when she harms other people.
Being kind and extending grace makes her feel better about herself, on the norm, bc that's her nature.
Dr. Employer....
does feel better when he's cruel to other people.
For him to go against his nature would be a very rare act of grace... since most everyone DOES what makes them feel good, right?
For me..... it's the absolute definition of redemption..... when this happens.
I don't know how Lupita feels about it.
I don't know how I'd feel about it if I were in her position.... I certainly struggle with these same issues myself as a human being, every day: /
Today I have the luxury of viewing her situation as an outsider.... without the pain and emotion she's experiencing so.... it's easier for me to see this.
It comes and goes... ebs and flows... all the time getting stronger (I hope.)
Two steps forward.... one step back.
You know.... the normal act of healing and feeling comforatable in our skins..... growing patience and calm strength within ourselves..... running around in mad cirlces for a spell.... processing enough to get a grip.... plan..... remain stable no matter what?
I guess it all comes down to our definition of the words stable, redemption, grace, nurture, belief and human nature?
I'm babbling now and must run... thank goodness.
(((Poppy))) We're all worthy... we just have to figure out how to believe.
Do you claim that Lighter? Have you succeeding in owning your worthiness and believing that you can handle, with grace everything that comes???
And if you have, what was the thing or the time that help that shift to take place for you?
Poppyseed
