Thanks TT, Certain Hope, Ami, and Lighter.
I have 2 boxes in her room now. One for things to keep and one for things to take to Goodwill or the clothes closet. I need to get that finished as soon as possible. My sister (my biological adopted cousin, which makes Mammaw's sister her grandmother, we called her Nana) gave me some advice about sorting through things. She said one time when the time came to sort through momentos and things that were meaningful to me and create a special place in the house to display them, like maybe a shadow box. But she said hanging on to everything wasn't healthy and that she had learned that the hard way. I think Mammaw would want most of her clothes donated and the quicker that's done the better. Walking in there makes me think to much.
One of the best things Mammaw ever did for me was to teach me how to cook her favorite recipes. I cook her cake and her pies and the kids love them, and even though she's gone that part of her is still here and will remain here as long these things are passed down. I think my daughters may even continue cooking the recipes when they are grown. I think that's why love never dies, it's just passed from generation to generation, and knowing where the recipes came from makes them more special. Even though she is gone, her influence and love that she left here are still very strong. I can feel her presence when I wrap myself up in one of her quilts.
In times like these in the past I would go into hiding for a while and sort my feelings out. But I want to be healthier this time so I've gotten my calendar out and am going to try and continue projects and ideas I was working on before she died. I think she would be happy about that. My calendar has saved me so many times when stressful things would happen. I would forget where I was or even about the projects all together. But writing everything down reminds me where I am and what my next step is.
My father gave me some very old pictures of him and Mammaw when he was a baby. I want to find a good frame and a special place in the house to put them.
I also want to order some more iron transfers for the quilts we use to make. Mammaw made so many, and didn't keep one. She always said the joy came from giving them to people you loved that were special to you. So I think I'll get that back out and start working on it. Maybe make one for each of my kids and put it in a hope chest, then work on the baby quilts and put those in hope chests for my future grandchildren. There's one relative that has been especially kind to my son, i thought I may make the first one for that person.
I also found many quotes that she wrote in her Bible over the years. I want to organize those and do some type of project with those. If they are on the wall or in a special book that part of her will be here with us too.
Maybe it's time for a part time job. I don't really know what's in the future for me. Maybe it's better to be here with the kids. I guess in time I will know what is right for me.
Thanks for listening.
