one day at a time...

[confused2]

I made it thru the day. it was very hard. i walked three miles after work just to clear
my head. i have a long way to go before my joy returns. i have thrown 3 1/2 yrs of my life away on a man that didn't have any feelings for me from the beginning?? a very hard concept to grasp??

I had never heard of Narcissism two years ago? The disorder is very bad, and so many people are affected by it. Why did this happen to me? I try so hard to the right things.

Each times he raged at me, I vowed to myself to be better. I wanted to be whatever it was that he wanted me to be so we could just be happy, and have peace. When he was happy and smiling we were so good together.

you want to hear something bizarre. There were times when I could not even kiss him? Isn't that crazy? He would say, "I don't want to kiss." I had no idea it was because he truly did not know how to be intimate. I just faced today.

Today, reality has really hit me as to who, and what he really is. A Monster, in the true sense of the word.  All of the emotional abuse he dumped on me... When he wanted me no more, he threw me away like the kitchen trash.He want even call to say a word to me. not even to see if i am alive, or safe.  wow...

Now if i could only make it thru the night....

confused2

[Margo]

I made it thru the day. it was very hard. i walked three miles after work just to clear
my head. i have a long way to go before my joy returns. i have thrown 3 1/2 yrs of my life away on a man that didn't have any feelings for me from the beginning?? a very hard concept to grasp??

I had never heard of Narcissism two years ago? The disorder is very bad, and so many people are affected by it. Why did this happen to me? I try so hard to the right things.

Each times he raged at me, I vowed to myself to be better. I wanted to be whatever it was that he wanted me to be so we could just be happy, and have peace. When he was happy and smiling we were so good together.

you want to hear something bizarre. There were times when I could not even kiss him? Isn't that crazy? He would say, "I don't want to kiss." I had no idea it was because he truly did not know how to be intimate. I just faced today.

Today, reality has really hit me as to who, and what he really is. A Monster, in the true sense of the word.  All of the emotional abuse he dumped on me... When he wanted me no more, he threw me away like the kitchen trash.He want even call to say a word to me. not even to see if i am alive, or safe.  wow...

Now if i could only make it thru the night....

confused2

The first thing you'll want to do is realize that you N probably picked you.  Can you imagine ingN's would seek out other people like themselves?  Not likely. 

On the other hand.... there's something about your lack of boundaries you'll want to address.  We can't be treated badly if we don't allow it in the very first teeney tiney little instance.  I'm working on that one too.

As for you N being bottomless empty pit..... I know it's a shock.  I feel like I can't quite keep my focus and the image of my N keeps going in and out of focus.  Sometimes I can see him for what he is and sometimes it hurts so bad.... is so so so deeply sad.  It's such a waste.  I can't imagive that it's true. 

He keeps showing me who he is though.  I finally believe him.  It will get better for us both.  It always does.  I can't say I did anything as positive as walking 3 miles today.  Feel good about that and keep doing things that build you up.  Margo

[isittoolate]

There is no Peace with an N

[axa]

confused,

I also threw away 3.5 years on XN.  It is such a painful place to be and so confusing.  The more you listen to his crazy logic the more confused you will become.  It does NOT get better.

Stay posting

axa

[Beth]

I have also wasted almost two years of my life on a man that planned our future together, called me the "love of his life", etc.  He had many problems though...should have been a red flag.  Couldn't seem to ever get his divorce finalized, was filing a bankrupcy, had problems at work, money problems, etc.  In the end, there was just no time, no energy because of the long hours he worked, and no money to do anything.  On and on the story goes.  We broke up and I think it was because I just got tired of it all.  It was never really discussed.  Just a "goodbye" from both of us.  He had changed so much in the last year.  Wasn't the same person at all.  He'd started driving a semi and working 15-16 hours a day.  I think he had someone else but who knows.  He says "no".  Any explanations on this type of personality?  Thanks!

[alone48]

I too wasted four years on an N who described our relationship as a friendship, but did everything to make me believe otherwise. The friendship pretense just relieved him of having to pretend to be intimate. It was the most confusing and destrctive time of my life. I have been escaping for the past four months and somethimes don't think it will ever happen, but there are small victories that make it seem possible.

They do pick us and I wonder if we wear a flag or something.

[changing]

Hi Confused-

Many years of my life have been decimated by Ns. But it gets better, I promise. I am glad that you sound better and are walking and thinking. You will prevail if you keep up the positive work.

Love,

Changing

[Ami]

Dear Beth and Alone,
  I am sorry.It hurts so badly and seems so futile. I am truly sorry.             Love   Ami
((((((((((((((((Beth, Alone))))))))))))))))))