self love

[sjkravill]

Hi...
I appologize if this belongs on the "what helps" foum...

I have been thinking about the emptiness I feel. I imagine it is because I wish I felt more accepted or understood by my mother or parents (I don't know how to analyze that relationship or my childhood yet.)
Sometimes I feel a longing to be loved and accepted by myself and others.  I have trouble trusting myself and others.  I have difficulty validating my experience.

My therapist says I should feel loved and nurtured by God through prayer and meditation.  While I deeply consider this, I feel inadequate.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes not.  

Anyone have any other strategies for loving yourself and accepting yourself?  

I think I may also be mildly depressed.  I am not quite sure how to make sense of it or what to do about it.

Any questions or wisdom that may help?  I do appreciate it!
Peace, sjkravill

[Anonymous]

My therapist says I should feel loved and nurtured by God through prayer and meditation.  While I deeply consider this, I feel inadequate.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes not.

How does this therapist know what makes each person feel loved and nurtured? And what if her "should" doesn't work? Then you'll feel like a failure, wierd, or something.

How do I feel self-love? My getting to know myself better: my passions, my interests, my talents, my curiosity. The more I know myself, the more confident I am about what I will and won't tolerate. Then I respect and like myself. I guess it's a positive feedback loop.

bunny

[Spirit]

Hi Sjkravill,

You are not alone there. I do have the very same problem too. I am often depressed and my mood is so unpredictable that I am unable to enjoy day to day life sometimes.

My ex-therapist suggested breathing excersises and yoga.. I never tried it though  

It all depends on what makes YOU happy and peacefull I guess

[Learning]

-------------------

[write]

My therapist says I should feel loved and nurtured by God through prayer and meditation.

oh, should you indeed!
What a strange position for a therapist.

Spirituality is a very personal thing and no one should try to tell anyone what theirs should be. God is a concept which not everyone can buy into, myself personally I am a pantheist and humanist but I don't believe there is any creator God who looks down on me and sends me love.

I believe that I create my own love by what I send out into the world, that comes back to me.

But if I were a therapist still no way would I project that into my work, because I know it's not for me to define another's spirituality, or to say what should be for that person.

Anyone have any other strategies for loving yourself and accepting yourself?

Have you read Byron Katie's Loving What Is?
This is a very spiritual book using 4 questions
( is it true?/ can you absolutely know it's true?/ how do you react when you have that thought?/ & who would you be withour that thought? )
to turn things around and find peace.

Tools I use are yoga, meditation, mantras, music and I carefully carved out a circle of supportive friends and- and this was probably the most important- I cut  out people who are toxic or draining from my life.

All this takes time sjkravill but I have attained a peace I never knew was possible for me, and can 'ringfence' my insecurity and free-floating anxiety now and see it for what it is: part of me, but not overwhelming.

Free to be me

Darkness and coldness and emptiness
Hold me back.
Who took my spirit?
So much I sense I lack.

Whisper of honesty,
Warm touch of friends,
Life gives me back to me,
Self-love amends.

Tracy Pace

[seeker]

Hi Sjkravill,

I responded the same way as the others to your therapist's comment.  There are no "shoulds" when connecting with your spirituality.  In fact, I once saw a book about different styles of praying based on one's personality type!  Some people prefer a repetitive prayer like a chant, some need company (as in church or temple, etc.), some prefer solitude, some music, some contemplating a religious icon (visual folks), etc. I have been exploring many different kinds of religious traditions just because my childhood tradition has become so rote.  

When I can't fall asleep due to some irritation or fear, I sometimes imagine what the Earth looks like from way out in space and tell myself that I'm just a speck in the universe and it all doesn't really matter.  Kind of like the Bogart character in Casablanca: "the problems of three people don't about to a hill of beans in this crazy world..."  (something like that!)  I don't know if this is perspective, denial, minimizing, or what, but it works sometimes.  There's even a book called "The Hand of God" featuring photos from the Hubble Space Telescope, so I guess I'm not the only one who thinks like this...

Don't I sound wise? That said, the emotional roller coaster is familiar.  I am hoping it is due to my age because I wasn't always quite so up and down.  Premenopausal--whee!  

As for self-love, perhaps there are moments or memories you can draw on when someone or something made you feel pretty darn good about yourself.  Maybe they said some nice things and gave you encouragement.  Make a list and keep it handy.  

Hope this helps.  Seeker

[sjkravill]

Hey everybody!

What a big sigh of relief to read and reflect on your responses...  
I too like to bring healing into my life from all of the traditions and practices that offer healing.  So, I really appreciate your pieces and sources of wisdom. I will work on them all!! and I will look into the suggested reading!!! The spiritual reading, therapy, memories, getting to know one's self, yoga and breathing, good friends, and limiting access of toxic people, all sound like great ideas. You are all so wise.  So far I guess different things help on different days... Some days are still pretty difficult.

I so appreciate your validation about my therapists comments.  She has very strong convictions, which are no secret.  In many ways she has helped me to gain strength, and I am greatful.  But in some ways I feel like I am inadequate.  Because there are certain things I should believe or feel or practice.  When those times happen I feel like I really am trusting her with my self right now.  I could so easily be manipulated, because I am feeling so voiceless.  I start to wonder if she is the right therapist for me.  But I also know that therapy can often be painful.  Pain is part of growing.  So, sometimes I feel utterly confused about what is going on here.... who this is about.  I feel suspicious of the religious comments.  Yes, a person's spirituality is a part of coping.  But, I feel like you all, that it should be more defined by the patient and less defined by the therapist.  So, thank you all for validating that experience for me.  

I am having difficulty sleeping.  So, I will have to try some hubble telescope imagery.

Thanks to all again! sjkravill