Visit Today/Send Me Fortitude

[gratitude28]

Well... I can say it did get worse and I don't make it up... my husband saw very clearly this time... blech. I don't think I can get into it right now. I am feeling a bit down and relieved it is over, but very confused at the same time.
Love, Beth

[changing]

Hello Dear-

Sorry this happened to you, it so unfair and a waste of life! It is nice that your husband sees the truth and supports you, though. ((((Gratitude))))

Love and Hugs,

Changing

[Certain Hope]

(((((((((((((Beth))))))))))))))  I hope you're finding peace and restoration right now and that these recent experiences will be quickly filed as appropriate... hmm... maybe in the "nothing new under the sun in N-land" folder...

I'm back to leaving envelopes unopened and calls unreturned, because when it comes right down to it, dealings with NPD = slow motion suicide.

Much love to you,
Carolyn

[betr4]

I really needed to read this post and all the replies.  I am in the middle of the n's in my life and really needing support. Reading this has really calmed me and helped change my perspective.  I can get"sucked in" so quickly, even when I think I'm not.

All I can say is keep a distance and don't take anything personal, hard as that is, but everything with the n's in my life is projected onto me whether it's mine or not.  If I take it and "try to make sanity out of insanity" I go insane and they get the supply they are after from me.  The more I react the calmer and more in control they get.  Detaching without reaction is all I know to do right now.
When I am vulnerable and want some form of contact or communication, expecting anything from a n is only setting myself up.
 My own denial of the situation kept me involved.  Reality is the only way out.  I keep in contact with support friends or I suffer the consequences.
Thanks BR

[isittoolate]

Dear Beth,
 I admire you for even having any contact with your NM.I have not let mine visit me in 8 years.  I have to be honest here b/c A 'red flag" hit me.
  I would not mess with the e mail. Whenever we try to get "revenge" in any way,it usually  comes back to bite us.I would WANT to do the same thing.However,I think that you may start a fire where YOU will get burned.Since they really don't have  "emotions", you will stand to lose the most in a "revenge" battle.You have  deep feelings.Just in that one aspect,she has already "won" any battle. You will hurt deeply. She won't.
  Keep sharing on the board throughout the whole visit.I will keep you in my prayers, Beth.    Love    Ami

PS--Compost what does not fit

Ami, this sentence threw me for a loop with you and your NM probems.

You have known this for 8 years and more ? and have done nothing about it until now? (well--when you joined the board.)

OR

Have you been working on NM for over 8 years.

Also I first thought, when I came on board that she lived close to you and was a therapist, to find that she lives 1000 miles away and has been in therapy for 30 years.

You've been coming along well.
Have you contacted NM in the last month? or have you fully decided on NC?

Have you done any rationalization in the past week?
I often find your posts convoluted and repetitive so thought I would ask a bit?
I hope you don't mind!

Love Izzy

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[gratitude28]

Welcome BR.
I can't wait to hear more about you. I plan to write tomorrow. Am finding my center now. It is nice to have yet another kindred spirit here.
Love, Beth

[Ami]

Dear Izzy,
  Thanks for the convoluted and repetitive part. As Bradshaw say ,'Healing is not pretty."
  What was your question, exactly?                                                               Ami

[isittoolate]

hi Ami

Have you been working on NM for over 8 years
Have you contacted NM in the last month? or have you fully decided on NC?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I admire you for even having any contact with your NM.I have not let mine visit me in 8 years [/size

First quote--two questions from my post. I am surprised that you have been working on this for 8 years. I thought you had just figured it out!

Izzy

[Ami]

Izzy,
  I have been working on it for my whole life--unsuccessfully. I am still unsuccessful b/c I still have hope( otherwise known as denial). I will be successful when I realize in my heart that she is C-R-A-Z=Y like Amber realized.
  I have not let her visit for  years. However, I talk to my F on the phone. S/times I talk to her. It helps me realize that she is crazy.
  I am having a very hard time coming out of denial, emotionally.I reallly am.
  It is easy to say,"I am over it."However, in the heart, the person might not be(if they are honest)
  So, I am being honest,I still have hope . That is what is keeping me as sick as I am. So, that is my story and I am sticking to it(unless anyone else wants it)                                        Ami

[isittoolate]

Thanks Ami
I somehow had the idea that you were brand new to this. That is why 8 years surprised me

Keep up the good work!
Izzy