your thoughts

[seasons]

A little reminder that i have to n sisters. Last year one of my n's I don't see as much was coming over my home to visit before we headed out holiday shopping.

She called me by cell on the way to my home and asked if I would LET HER use my bathroom if not she would stop at a restaurant and use theres.

OMG! I"M thinking help me! You Rude *&*&*&!

What kind of question is that?????????? I'm thinking, she's not even here yet and look what she is doing to my head.
I told her she could USE MINE. I was so peed off. So I thought I wont let her ruin it already, my day.
So before she got to my home. I wrote on a paper, " HI SIS" and taped it to the wall with a christmas bow........in my bathroom!

I've never had a problem with guests using the bathroom. Of course I don't have to explain that to all of you, you believe that this is out of no where.

Whats odd is, SHE IS THE ONE WHO HAS HAD SEVERAL BATHROOM PROBLEMS!
And I have never said a word, I do what she tells me to do and mind my own business. Just this summer after her comment to me I find;

SHE HAS A BROKEN FAUCET HANDLE, NO TOWEL TO DRY YOUR HANDS AND A DOOR WITHOUT A DOOR KNOB -all in her bathroom.
YET THE REST OF HER HOME IS FILLED WITH POTTERY BARN AND CRATE N BARRELL FURNISHINGS. lOOKS LIKE OUT OF A MAGAZINE.

I never said a word, like I never do. I would never, ever embarass her, even though I don't think you can. She would of said I have to get to that but I"M SO BUSY>
Also she pretends she's afraid of everyone elses germs, covers her coffee with her hand while you are sitting with her. That makes for a relaxing time. She makes sure you are made to feel under her. By the way she is a slob. But hers is cute.

It is almost a year later and I can't let go of her calling me up to ask if she could use my bathroom.
I would of understood if I had pumbing problems, remodeling in process etc. There was nothing going on, no problems so HOW on her way could she find this to TRY and make me feel less than?

Amazing what they come up with, huh?

I guess I'm thinking outloud because she can be so much fun to be with and then she cuts you and I mean deeply, when your most vulnerable. This has gone on with her my whole life.

Thanks for listening,,, as to others it sounds so trivial. seasons

[lighter]

Does your sister also assume everyone is trying to deny her everything?

My sister feels persecuted and constantly laments about how EVERYONE is trying to deny her so she comes off like that all the time, never mind just once.

[Poppy Seed]

Are you the oldest?  Or do they always count on you to solve stuff for them?  Sounds like they are just trying to control stuff for whatever underlying emotional reason.  What would happen if you became uncontrollable......pleasant and loving and kind......but unaffected by all their fussiness and tantrums??  Trying to think of how you could be immoveable even though she is trying to elevate herself or cut you at your most vulnerable moments.  Maybe she doesn't get to see your vulnerability anymore.......

Pops

[Ami]

Dear Seasons,
  I am sorry. I am sure that this is just ONE of thousands of similar incidents.  Love  Ami

((((((((((((((((((((((Seasons))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[seasons]

lighter
 
Does your sister also assume everyone is trying to deny her everything?

My sister feels persecuted and constantly laments about how EVERYONE is trying to deny her so she comes off like that all the time, never mind just once.

No not this sister this one is a complete saint to the outside world. And she does it so well. All SHOW no LOVE. Someone recently emailed me and told me how AWESOME my sister was, quote. I felt sick, how can you not see it's all a show, an act she would drop you in a second if you were no longer of some value.
She tells people my brother (who passed) is HER not our my HER gardian angel and tells me right to my face. He protects her and has saved her from car accidents. So if that is true he would let me go off the bridge?I guess so he's to busy with her.
She says my parents contact her by writing on her walls at night, and she doesn't care who thinks shes nuts and tells people.
They actually fall for it! As she cries as she tells the stories.
Funny since they have gone I never even got a hello. 
I don't mean to offend anyone about the spirits and such it is just amazing how she is always the chosen special one. NOT

My other sister thinks the world owes her and guess what she gets it! A great con artist. Plays off of peoples sympathy and gets loads of food, money attention and they even come (for example) to her home (neighbors) and give her heartburn medicine and OPEN the BOTTLE of medicine. Got attention and free medication another notch for her.
Her kids said she was bypolar, so now she is always happy, happy, happy with know down moments infront of them so they wont label her. Happy sister is driving me nuts, of course she lets her facard down with me. I'm so lucky. not
So when she felt persecuted and still does she has changed the game.


Are you the oldest?  Or do they always count on you to solve stuff for them?  Sounds like they are just trying to control stuff for whatever underlying emotional reason.  What would happen if you became uncontrollable......pleasant and loving and kind......but unaffected by all their fussiness and tantrums??  Trying to think of how you could be immoveable even though she is trying to elevate herself or cut you at your most vulnerable moments.  Maybe she doesn't get to see your vulnerability anymore.......

Pops
No actually the youngest living, my baby brother passed away when I was 8.
I use to solve lots of stuff when my parents were alive now that they are gone I am of no use. I was the one who did the care taking, I wanted to and was glad they were not there 24/7.
I am pleasant, loving and kind and they get a kick out of seeing me squirm because I do get effected. Loss of words, embarrassed, sensitive. I feel like I must be a big joke to all of them because it seems I am less of a threat. I always felt picked on since I was a little girl.
I believe she knows actactly where she is my vulerablilties are. TARGET-ME.
She is a very fast talker, catches me off my feet and leaves me speachless.

Posted by: Ami 
Insert Quote
Dear Seasons,
  I am sorry. I am sure that this is just ONE of thousands of similar incidents.  Love  Ami

((((((((((((((((((((((Seasons))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Yes, Ami thousands. Thank you sharing that you understand it is a life time filled of toxicicity. You get it, and sadly I know you do. It means so much. ((hugs))


I really think during the holidays my defense system just drops and I feel so vulnerable. A feel like I am letting my three children down because I don't have a loving, close family to share with. My dh is a sweetie thank goodness, and feels what he has is more than a blessing. It's just me and my dreams of a loving extended family.

I appreciate this board for letting me come back and let it out. Work through my inner thoughts and get rid of this stuff I don't need.
Sometimes after writing about my n's I feel like I must be boring you to death is that nish of me? Hope not.

I deeply appreciate your time and thoughtful replies. ((((love and peace to you always, seasons))))

[Hopalong]

Hi ((((((((Seasons)))))))))))),

Sounds like there's some sort of shame-button Nsis is pushing with her bathroom remarks. Do you think?

Talk to Self:
Hello Self. I am Seasons. I had a difficult childhood and many Ns whom I survived. I have a perfectly acceptable grasp on personal hygiene and on how to maintain a bathroom that won't give anybody cholera. I do not scrub my toilet with my toothbrush. However, I would be happy to scrub my toilet with Nsister's toothbrush. Next time she asks about the sanitary conditions in my third-world bathroom, perhaps I should say, Oh it's just fine, but please bring your toothbrush so I can get under the rim. Among the many fine choices I have spread before me are: offering Nsis a measuring cup full of lime and a couple pages from last year's phone book and a small map to the nearest shrub. Of course it will only shield her from the waist down but I'll gather some neighbors together to wave and call out encouragement. Yes, this is going to work out just fine... Oh I DO hope that Nsis will call with another question about the accomodations! I am just positive I can manage it though it's really a tremendous challenge. I love stretching myself to meet a challenge! I know, maybe she'll call with a question about coffee? That does seem to be an obstacle to her comfort. Hmmm. Well, I can start by giving her hers in a sippy cup. There must be a clean towel somewhere (I'm sure I did laundry last year) that I could fashion into a bib. I'll be sure to put a fresh pair of rubber gloves on the table for her. And perhaps a dust mask. Oh, my, it must be so difficult being Nsis. Really tragic...

 

Hops

[lighter]

Heh, Hoppy..... "bring your toothbrush so I can get under the rim...."



I gotta tell ya seasons..... I'm more on the ball, alert and on guard bc my family enjoys what your sibs seem to enjoy doing to you.

I'm stronger because of it and now they can expect to be put on the spot, when they least expect it.... too.  Nothing like having that really sneaky sib look at you quickly, out the side of the corner of her eye.... to see what just happened.  They're not used to being attacked from your direction.  Maybe it'll add some interest to your holiday season?  In a  "welcome to the party, pal" sort'a way?


I do it just bc it's been done to me so often..... it's natural at this point. 

As far as your feeling guilty about not giving your children the loving extended family you/we all deserve...... you can choose and create another family around you.

God knows I try.   

The FOO you're'we're/general born with isn't the only family we can have..... we can invite better into our lives.  I know it's a harsh sucky reality but...... sometimes it's much better than what we have.

[seasons]

I gotta tell ya seasons..... I'm more on the ball, alert and on guard bc my family enjoys what your sibs seem to enjoy doing to you.

I'm stronger because of it and now they can expect to be put on the spot, when they least expect it.... too.  Nothing like having that really sneaky sib look at you quickly, out the side of the corner of her eye.... to see what just happened.  They're not used to being attacked from your direction.  Maybe it'll add some interest to your holiday season?  In a  "welcome to the party, pal" sort'a way?


I do it just bc it's been done to me so often..... it's natural at this point. 

As far as your feeling guilty about not giving your children the loving extended family you/we all deserve...... you can choose and create another family around you.

God knows I try.   


The FOO you're'we're/general born with isn't the only family we can have..... we can invite better into our lives.  I know it's a harsh sucky reality but...... sometimes it's much better than what we have.

Lighter,
How did you get there, give it back or not take it silently? Any tips when I've always just been silent, with a lump in my throat?
Yes, you are right I can choose our family and friends, freedom from n's sounds so blissful.
Thank you, Lighter for seeing another way. (seasons)

Oh Hops I've missed you! Giggling away, just imagining.lol
Kind thoughts of you always, sweet Hops! (seasons)

[lighter]

Seasons:

I don't know how I got there...... but apparently I did, lol.

I also want to say that.... just having other people to the Holiday celebrations makes things so much more comfortable for me.

I love to invite certain folks to mingle and mix in.... it's all the difference in comfort or distress through the holidays.

We were always inviting strays at Thanksgiving and we sometimes had whole other families so it was always acceptable to invite people. 

This Christmas.... things will be odd on a different level bc my brother and father aren't speaking.... and brother won't probably attend Christmas there at all..... or Thanksgiving.

Just one more lovely Holiday nightmare to add to the rest.  ::I still sound reasonable at this point, lol::

I also have my H's family to contend with.  He hasn't begun to do any of the work that would be required in order for healing to take place.  He destroyed the relationship, gave them information that caused them to war path on me and now he's not done anything about that... and expects me to just get over it, though the T told him to handle it. 

::thinking about running away to a dessert island again.... and looking for Pirates::

RANT WARNING: ::Beep Beep Beep Beep::  The following broadcast is full of toxic waste and may not be appropriate for some viewers. 

Viewer discretion advised. ::end of rational thought patterns (WHOOP out the window there they go), waving bye bye::

WHat the hell would happen if I started stomping around making as much trouble as I could muster TOO?!?!?

Hmmmmm.... now there's an idea   Hell... I should think I'd be danged spanky at it, if I tried

Now there's an idea! 

Just for shits and giggles.... see how the other half live.... take a walk on the wicked side... perhaps it'll suit me? 

What the hell!!!???!!! 

There might BE something to all this creation of chaos and mucking up other people's lives during times of great stress.

 Perhaps people will begin courting me and anticipating my needs..... attempting to anticipate my every whim so I won't take their little lives apart, just because I can?

It could be the great experiement. 

That's it.... one new experiement a year. 

I'll select something and just go for it, no matter the cost to others. 

BC I want to. 

Just to see. 

Just for the hell of it.

::nod::

Maybe I'd get a bit more cooperation next year out of the wild bunch? 

Or not....::shrug::

Hard to say, really. 

Maybe they'll go elsewhere for the holidays..... ::trying to decide if that would cause any sadness at all::

Eh.... next year...... I'll try going abroad for the holidays.

 Like I've been dreaming about for the past 25 years.  I could issue some feeble lamo invitation, no one could possibly swing.... then poke them for not being accomodating.  Caring.  Sensitive.  Whatever else has been thrown in my face all these years.... throw that in too.

I can announce it right after this holiday season's passing.  As though the family hasn't pleased me enough, the right way,  to  the right degree...... for the right reasons.  ::sigh::  They simply have it out for me, yes yes.  They don't WANT me to be happy.  That's it.  They don't care, they aren't at all decent people they want me to hurt go mad be unhappy denied... yes yes yes..... they just want me to suffer bc bc bc.  ::throwing hand over forehead::   

Treat them to some of their own arguments.  Let them taste the bitter dregs of irrational tail chasing logic. 

Hmmm... they've never seen me DO that, up to this holiday. 

By George.... I'm trying it!

Continuing practice..... "You displease me.... we'll be going abroad for next year's holdiday... end of discussion, ta."

::warming to the subject now::

Thinking about it actually keeps me from mumbling to myself under my breath in frustration for the past 10 minutes. 

Curiouse, that.

Is there enough room for more than a few chaotic disruptors in a FOO?

If I begin.... will they have to stop... or at least slow down?

Ok Ok... it's not a perfect plan but hey!  What is, in these circumstances?

If they're the cancer..... why can't I be the chemo?

I know chemos really poison.  I know it doesn't heal anything but maybe.... maybe.... it's one step to wherever it is I'm heading?

Hmmmm.... I may be on to something.

If my sister acts like a blaming shaming denied child..... I could act like a parent and attempt to stop her behavior. 

Or....

I could act like an N parent, scare the crap out of her and hope the shock buys some silence, at least through dinner?

The truth is..... I'm so UP TO HERE

::drawing index finger accross throat::

that I can't keep doing what I always do.... (let's face it, I can barely keep from puking on an hourly basis)  be the peacemaker, hope for the best, end up blowing up once or twice at sib and feeling terrible about it EVERY SINGLE F'N VISIT!

The Christmas visit lasts for weeks, btw. 

Can you say enmeshed?

I'm still self medicating with food from her Summer visit, which lasted for weeks as well. 

I'll be well out of my jeans, which were 2 sizes too large this time last year.  I looked like a scarecrow AND>..... why am I still so at the mercy of my emotions, at this point?

IT'S BECAUSE I FEEL TRAPPED!

Am..... I really..... trapped?

If so.... by what?  Whom and to what degree?

Can I discard what keeps me prisoner?

Maybe.  ::shrug::

I certainly want OUT of nauseating stifling places...... I don't think my health can take much more of these extended hits and why on God's green earth should IT HAVE TO!?!?!

Ahem.

Not that I need a health threat to get myself OUT of these situations. 

I could just pull up my big girl panties.....adjust me bra straps and make some changes.

Issue some ultimatums.... state the consequences of overstepping nad follow through, no matter.  ::nod::

F*CK getting dragged into EXPLANATIONS ......  the why's and how's..... just KNOW THAT THIS IS A BOUNDARY and IF YOU CROSS IT I WILL KNOW THAT YOU AREN"T INTERESTED IN HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME OR MY CHILDREN.... YOU WILL BE DISMISSED (bc YOU DISPLEASED ME yes) AND NOW YOU KNOW, SO CHOOSE YOUR WORDS AND ACTIONS MINDFULLY.... eh.... just go with fearfully. 

THERE WILL BE A TEST AT THE END OF THIS HOLIDAY SEASON and I know I'm not being reasonable so stop sniveling about it.  Just DO. 

Sound too lenient? 

[Hopalong]

Excellent rant, Lighter.
Good job.
Rum-pah-pum-pum...

Now.

Wouldn't this be a good year to just stop it?
One day.

You can collect strays and have two-week visitors whom you actually enjoy...some other year.

Don't you need to get all this divorcing stuff over with first?

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Why, thank you Hops: )

Hmmm... skipping the 3 ring circus (this year....) and concentrating on the balls that really matter.

Hmmmm......

It's an alien concept I've never really toyed with in any realistic fashion that presented as more than a passing fancy.

I'll consider your advice.

Duly noted.

Thanks for the response.

Well done.  ::nod::