Seeing Life through Your Own Eyes

[Ami]

On another thread Bean and Bill were talking about seeing life from your own eyes . This really hit me b/c I think that I "got it" this weekend.
  I can '"see" and  feel with my own gut and my own instincts. This JUST happened to me.
  Bean said that she was at peace(mostly) without having  family ties. She does not 'dream" of the "loving" family.
  I am excited to be taking the first steps to seeing with my own eyes.
  I thought that a thread just dedicated to this 'shift' would be wonderful.
 Amber talked about it when she said that she did not have to BE the '"ROLE" that she took on to survive her childhood.
 Everyone is saying the same thing.I think that it is 'shifting' to inhabit our own space.I think that it is being inside our own bodies, seeing with our own eyes and feeling with our own "instincts"..
I would love to hear anyone's experience with either achieving this or trying to.              Love   Ami
   

[Ami]

I just wanted to elaborate on what Bean said. She has been able to leave her family behind and not 'yearn"(very often) for a '"dream "family.I realize that I need to do this with my M and not yearn for a dream mother(which I always do.)
   I think that the fact that Bean can leave them behind,in her mind, and still feel complete inside is a huge step.
  I realize that I made a huge shift by being able to see with my own eyes. I don't know how exactly it happened.
 I have been trying to nurture myself as an act of my will(change my behavior).  .I have been trying to face the truth.
  Then,I had a "shift" which seemed like it changed my whole perspective.I don't know how these shifts happen.I guess that you prepare the ground and eventually, you have an "A--Ha' experience. What do you think?
 

[Ami]

Bean,I just talked to my M. Sometimes ,I need to touch the "snake". I just keep wanting to go back in to denial about HOW bad it REALLY was.
  When I hear her voice and her attitude,it is a reality check. I have a VERY,VERY hard head as far as accepting the reality of her.
  So,I got it smashed again.However, i just need to keep getting my toe caught in the same door until I freakin decide not to go in that door anymore like my friend ,Bean ,did.  BLEH                                Ami

[Hopalong]

Do you know what triggered the impulse, Ami?
Was it because it's a weekend?

Sometimes for me the weekends are like mini-holidays, in the bad sense.

This one's been okay though.

Hops

[Ami]

Dear Hops,
  I called her b/c I STILL do not want to come out of denial.Every time I hear her voice,i come out of denial a little more. That is what I mean about touching the 'snake"
  Thanks for caring,Hops.                     Love   Ami

[betr4]

I am going through this and I am going through many mixed emotions.
I wanted the ideal family and thought I had it.
I have grieved the loss for many years.
Now I am getting over the grieving of my marriage.
I thought I had one of those too.
N's all around and my role has changed with my recovery process.
Thinking for myself is so different than crises thinking or reactive thinking.  Making my own decisions seems to confuse me somewhat.  I was feeling very insecure for a while, but today is better.
Sharing and reading the posts here sure helps.
Thanks, BR

[Ami]

Dear BR,
  I am so happy that you are feeling better.                  Love   Ami

((((((((((((((((BR))))))))))))))))))0

[Ami]

Dear Bean
 You GOT it.I miss me . That is what I miss. Thank you,Bean                 Love    Ami