The Next Course of Action?

[reallyME]

Dawning,

You are a very pleasant soul, indeed!  Your honesty and candor is very impressive to me and it sounds like you are really making some positive steps in a good direction for sure.

To help you while you are seeking out a 12 step program (which I COMMEND YOU for), I'd like to suggest a book called "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie.  All of her books are really helpful, but that one I keep on  hand, 2nd to my Bible.

Again, thank you for letting me know where you are "at" and how this all came to be.  It is much clearer to me now.

Blessya,
~Laura

[Dawning]

Hi to you all,

Just wanted to say that he is gone and we worked things out the way I had intended with no outside force involved.

The next course of action is to build my *new internal house.*  As part of this process, I have decided to temporarily stop visiting this board for awhile starting right now.  I'm not sure what "awhile" means in terms of time but please know that I am wishing you all a safe and magnificent journey on your paths to the place(s) you aim to reach and beyond, to what lies ahead. 

With care and compassion,
Dawning

[Leah]

Dear Dawning,

Just wanted to say that I wish you every good thing along your new journey.

Take very good gentle care of yourself - because you are worth it.

Love, Leah

[betr4]

Dawning,
Someone told me once that it sounded like I was waiting for "him" to decide whether to come back or not.  "He" nh has left for 33 years off and on.  I could not enforce my boundaries with him.  And I was NOT a weak person.  Just couldn't handle the n behaviors that I denied. (Didn't know n existed).
The first time I told him to leave, he did. And I meant it.  He didn't. Then when he decided to, he came back.  Gradually the pattern began.  I am glad you have the wisdom and experience of this board.  I am also in a 12 step program, he joined that.  This disease (?) is cunning, baffling and powerful. I was raised by a n mother.  I got sucked in and had no clue. With support and sharing now I do. 
I think your courage accepting others' comments and suggestions is great.  Sometimes it is hard for me to hear certain things about myself.  I lived with it for so long, I was threatened when I heard something other than what I wanted to believe.  I am over that now, for the most part. (I think).


Really Me,
You are right on it.  However, I  think each person has to do what they are able to do.  My recovery helps me "see" others clearly.  It is different looking at myself and "doing".  I can only share my experience, strength and hope and listen as others grow and find the strength.
I am still working on being strong enough to get out of what I didn't even know I was in.
I really appreciate and really like your honesty and confidence in sharing what you hear. And being able to speak the truth as you see it.
I am a Christian and in 12 step recovery.  I am learning to accept myself and live in today.  Listening to others and sharing helps us grow stronger in our selves.
Hearing others' opinions here is somewhat different from our 12 step meetings where no advice is given.  I am still learning and I like the honest sharing here.
Hope this got across the way I mean it.
Thanks BR

[reallyME]

BR,

It got across the way you meant it I'm sure.  Just realize that I have not only gone through 12 step programs, but I have also taught a 12 step meeting, taught several groups online and offline.  In other words, I "get it" a lot quicker than a lot of people sometimes, which means I get exhuberant at wanting others to "get it" too.  Patience is not one of my virtues yet, admittedly...still working on that one.

I just get really irritated at the idea that ANY HUMAN BEING has that much control over another one, to a point that the victim continues to believe they are "stuck" and can't get out.  There ARE cases where that is PHYSICALLY true, but in cases where nobody is holding a gun to one's head, there is no marriage commitment, I admit that I can't see the logic of people thinking they are stuck and can't move on.  I just can't.

I think it's great that things worked out for this person, but I also pray that they will seek help to take care of themselves so that their past problems do not lead them into yet another situation that is similar.  that is very important.

~Laura