I was going to write this on Iphis thread about self worth. However,it is a departure from the topic, so I started a new thread.I may be "reading'Iphi wrong,but it seems like she was saying that she does not feel "worthy" in intellectual areas or pursuits. That hit me b/c I feel worthy in the 'intellectual " pursuits,but not in the "character " ones or emotional ones.
I read that the D's of N mothers are allowed to thrive intellectually,but not emotionally. I know that Iphi's N was her F so it might be different .
For me, I could go as far as I wanted intellectually. I could also take care of my appearance and my body(exercise, nutrition etc)
However, I was very shamed for wanting to have "character" ,which was always very important to me. My GM taught me to be a "lady". I held myself together many times by trying to do what my GM would do in a given situation. My GM gave me a grounding that accounts for any sanity that I have . She made me feel like I could had an identity if I had good character..I kept my core as intact as it was(not totally destroyed) b/c I tried to do what my GM taught me
My M so tried to "rip" this from me by ridiculing me. She made me feel like I was a naive for for wanting to have a good reputation and to be respected. She thought that my wanting to have dignity and integrity was 'laughable"
So, I feel 'guilty" for wanting to have a good character. (Can you beat that?")I should not ask THAT on this board
So, I was ridiculed in the "moral" arena.
I ,also, could not take care of myself,emotionally. All my emotions and self care had to be "given over" to her. I feel very guilty and
wrong for standing up for my emotional needs . I feel very guilty for nurturing my emotional side. I feel very guilty for nurturing myself ---in most ways.