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why would Ns have 8 kids?

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mighty mouse:
Bunny,

I guess the babies are a blank slate with potential (and they're cute), so an N can project all over them. Sounds like upchucking on them....may be same pyschological result.
 
Surf,

It's interesting you say that about your sister. My Mom said the same thing about my youngest brother (didn't want to have him), but then she added something nice on the end to make it sound better. My Mom is a very covert N.

It seems she can only relate to people who have lots of kids. She overvalues them no matter what kind of people they are. Interesting.

MM

el123:
MM,

Just wanted to say that my N mother had 9 kids and I always felt that it was in order to 'prove' something to others (her fertility, womanhood, etc).  It was never about us.  I completely agree with bunny that it's the ability to control the totally helpless infant that attracts some N moms.  My N mother did the same thing, as soon as one would get into toddlerhood or beyond, she would get angry at them for becoming independent.  She used to say all the time how she loved it when we were little and wished we would never grow up.  -E

mighty mouse:
EL123,

My Mom likes to tell stories about her kids but I notice all the stories are about us as very young children. Nothing over 5 years old.

My NMom's main existence seems to be about HER being a Mom...not really about us at all like you said. And it's significant to note that she and my Dad were mostly gone during our upbringing (I was pretty much raised by older sibs and did my turn with my younger sibs). So how she gets so much pride is beyond me. She wasn't even there physically and most definately not emotionally.

And now when she has family get togethers, etc., she always make pains to tell everyone exactly how many people were there. I guess that validates her somehow. I've given up going to these soirees and have very little contact now. But if she were to send me an email today, she wouldn't even asked me how I am or anything about me. She would tell me about the last family gathering and how many people were there. This seems to be a running theme with lots of these types....counting cards, letter, people. But then I guess they don't exist without that outward validation.

Sick, man!

MM

el123:
MM,

I know what you mean!  It's always all about her, huh?  Same with my mom.  My Nmother makes up our history to suit her needs/ideas about how things were or should have been.  Outrageous tales that have maybe a hair of truth to them.  It makes me crazy!
-E

Patsy:
My parents had six children all under the age of ten. My mother fits both the narcistic qualities and was also suffering from undiagnosed munchhousens by proxy where you hurt others, dependants, for attention for yourself, we were constantly "injured" for attention form dentists and doctors.)
While struggling to understand why I had no concept of a mother (because I was not mothered at all) I asked her why she had children. She replyed that "What else was she to do" and "babies are so cute".
Her attitude was always and still is that we were born to be her slaves and do everything she said. (I am now 46). In 1999 my reply to this demand once again, was to state that I was my own person and had my own desires and future to fulfill and if she was unable or unwilling to accept this that it was best that we never saw each other again. That her abuse (verbal, physical) of myself and my children had to stop. She packed her bags and left and I haven't seen her since. I might add..this came after years of me trying to find a way to connect on a healthy basis with her, and finally realising the choice was hers and if I asked for it and she refused then I had done the best I was able.

This is a difficult and painful road to walk down.  :(

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