Divorce the truth

[Leah]

Shared today, from my heart, how, sadly, my H would not go to marriage counselling.  And he would not consider counselling for himself alone.  If he had then things may well have been different, however, he turned physical against me in the end and so after 29 years of marriage the heartbreaking decision to end the marriage was made despite my hearts desire of keeping my marriage vows as a loyal wife, a good thing, of "till death do us part"  Twice I stopped the divorce proceedings for fear of doing wrong, against God.  Mercifully, God used a pastor and his wife to show me the 3 areas in scripture regarding marriage vows and covenant; that my then H had broken his covenant vows of marriage and that God would not punish me for ending my marriage.  Though I had that knowledge and truth, it still remained a heart wrenching process to end the marriage.  He had no desire to seek counsel and it was not within my power to change his will.


My quest for truth and answers has encompassed so much during the last five years; the behaviour of my now exNH, my NM and my FOO and also, biblical truth, regarding in particular; the painful heartbreaking subject of divorce.

Divorce is allowed for the following grounds that are found in the Old Testament and affirmed in the New Testament:

·   Adultery (in Deuteronomy 24:1, affirmed by Jesus in Matthew 19)

·   Emotional and physical neglect (in Exodus 21:10-11, affirmed by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7)

·   Abandonment and abuse (included in neglect, as affirmed in 1 Corinthians 7)


When a marriage contract is made, vows are exchanged, whereby in effect a covenant is made between two people, with the visible sign of a ring.

Previously, with all my heart, I had freely given of my forgiveness many times during our 29 year marriage, but, sadly, the marriage covenant had been broken so many times, until finally - the marriage had to end. 

Hope this helps someone out there, as the angst and heartache regarding the issue of divorce was unbearable at times.

Love, Leah



Edit:  On the 'What Helps' board I have posted an article entitled:    Divorce  :  Valid Grounds  versus 'any cause'

http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=6089.0

[lighter]

Thanks for sharing that, Leah.

I know people interpret biblical scripture in countless ways.

I happen to agree that God doesn't expect us/general to remain faithfully entrenched in a marriage with a spouse, who isn't honoring their vowes.

Some people don't see it that way.  ::shrug::

[Leah]

Thanks Lighter,

This is the first time that I have had a voice regarding my divorce.

Truly feel it so important for me at this stage.

Love, Leah

[lighter]

YVW, Leah.

You've always been entitled to your voice.

I'm glad you feel safe and secure enough to use it, at this point.

It is important.... and not so easy to do.

I'm curiouse.... when you twice stopped the divorce proceedings.... what exactly brought you to that stopping point?

[Leah]

Lighter,

I went back!  Twice!! 

He said he would 'change' + he had 'changed' and that he had seen 'the light'

But alas, the only light that he saw was the lightbulb!

Love, Leah

[lighter]

Heh... the lightbulb is the only light he saw.....


I'm afraid that if you don't laugh.... you'll cry.

Keep using your voice.....: )

[Ami]

Dear Leah,
  Do you still feel "guilty" ,inside for the divorce.? I can see that it was not your fault. If my H does not want to "dwell " with me,I will let him go.
  I sense that you still feel guilty,but I could be wrong.              Love   Ami

((((((((((((Leah)))))))))))))))
 

[Leah]

Dear Ami,

No, I don't feel guilty.

My concern was my relationship with God and the issue of divorce, my decision to end my marriage.

But once I found the truth of what scripture actually says then I felt free of any concerns.

My exNH had repeatedly broken covenant in our marriage on all three valid grounds.

Sad, yes, because I worked very hard at my marriage, giving unconditional love, support, friendship and loyalty.

Sometimes still, I feel a failure.  But, then I remind myself that there were two people in the marriage, not just me.

Much love,

Leah

[Ami]

I am happy that you have peace on it, Leah. I know that you'bent over backwards" to try to make the "unworkable "work.I am so glad that you are on the board,Leah. I very much appreciate your contributions.             Love   Ami

(((((((((((Leah)))))))))))))))))))

[Leah]

Thank you ((((( Ami )))))

[Leah]

Abuse In Marriage - Divorce Grounds

When there is abuse going on in a relationship, it's time to separate. Abuse in its different manifestations is the most destructive tool that can be used by anyone against another person. It is designed to distort a person’s view of reality and of God, thus keeping that person from having a fruitful life.

A person can be so verbally abused that they don’t know what’s true anymore. This abuse is designed to put a person in a numb state so they are unable to make clear, concise decisions. The path of verbal abuse leads a person from what they know as truth into a confused state. This confused state arises because the abuser consistently interjects lies as truth until the abused no longer knows what to believe. For example, we can see this happen when the abuser uses truths from the Bible to justify a lie, or the abuser twists the Bible’s true intent to satisfy his own selfish motive. The sad part comes when the abused embraces the lies from the abuser as truth, thereby disregarding the real truth. At this point the abused feels like they are in chains of bondage with no way out. A trusted godly person is like a life preserver to the abused at this point.



This was an immense help to me after the period in which my exNH had worked his lies and distortions.

For me, back then, in my state of numbness, the above words were like a shining light of truth.

My quest for the truth has been worth every step of the way along my journey.

Love, Leah