Author Topic: Emasculating insecure Dads  (Read 5948 times)

Anonymous

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Emasculating insecure Dads
« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2004, 09:33:26 PM »
Thanks again Spirit,
I'm at a place where I can feel sorry for him because a lot of my anger has gone. I no longer have anything to do with him and our children are responding to him with no more than what he gives them. One of them has even cut him off.

Yes, I know it's not my fault. You can take the horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Eventhough he was dying of thirst, he wouldn't take a sip.

You seem to be doing your own therapy pretty well Spirit. Recognising that you have a conflict within you is half the battle. Knowing how to resolve it may need someone elses guidance or maybe not. Depends on whether you're getting anywhere or not.

I was happy to do the day to day stuff because I knew that my ex wasn't too good at it anyway. (I was happy to accept that he was like that in other words, and he probably chose me because I was so practical). Problems arose though because he wouldn't accept that he wasn't that good. Pride, whatever, he got angry with me that I could, and he couldn't. He would try to 'take control' and he'd make mistakes. No big deal to me, but he'd get angry. (I make myself sound perfect, but I wasn't, I'd get sick of his futile attempts again and again and nothing changed so I got angry too). It was a power control thing, but not over me so much as over himself.
I guess what I wanted him to do was 'take control' over himself, and know that it was OK that he couldn't do some things, i.e. grow up and know your strengths AND your limitations.


Quote
And imagine when I take an initiative for myself ie. getting back to therapy.. my intellect says 'yes.. go on you need to break the chain' while the heart says 'no.. you are torturing yourself..what is the point of breaking the chain to take on a lifestyle that is contrary to your feelings'


That's the dilemma, isn't it?
Karin.

P.S. There's nothing wrong with your English, and there's no need to apologise around here!

Spirit

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Emasculating insecure Dads
« Reply #16 on: May 18, 2004, 08:22:03 PM »
Quote from: Anonymous
It was a power control thing, but not over me so much as over himself.
I guess what I wanted him to do was 'take control' over himself, and know that it was OK that he couldn't do some things, i.e. grow up and know your strengths AND your limitations.


Same here Karin. It is the same power thing that makes a male kid compete with his dad I suppose. well not all male kids.. but well some of them atleast I suppose :wink: and these kids try to hide behind and not take responsibility

Did I really say somewhere in this thread that men should perhaps concentrate more on showing introspection rather than competing and pushing each other up ??
:oops: Some thing that springs to mind when I go through this phase is comparison to the Greek tragedy Oedipus. I read it to give myself a kick in the ass.

but it doesn't have to be a tragedy always.. as you would have read in my other thread.. I made contact today. Will be in therapy soon ! It is always nice to be honest ( despite the fact that it might not go down well ).. this was something which I never got from my parents. They chose to lie.
Thank you vrey much for giving a perfectly honest yet understanding feedback about your ex ( without being critical ) which has been helpfull to me !

spirit

Anonymous

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Emasculating insecure Dads
« Reply #17 on: May 30, 2004, 01:01:02 PM »
For a girl child... she rejects whatever it consideres is menacing in her dad I suppose ( thankfully it doesnt invove her gender ).. but for a guy he even rejects being a man to win his mom's love.. he questions his masculinity cos he can't win a woman PLUS he is losing out to another man !!!!!( in a battle that was fought for the sake of that Bitch..whom he/she sadly never realises shall never be won ) ......


I guess y gender was threatening to my mom and my dad.                       I am a female to male transgender.
My mom was always wanting and trying to get  me to wear girly clothes and I felt like a clown when I did wear them, I hate bras but I wear them because I hate my  boobs and a bra that binds makes them smaller.But until I realized the right sort of bra  could do that,Mom forced me to wear the damn things and I didn't start wearing a bra until I noticed males oogling and understood that was threatening.When I faced attempted rapes because of these damn  ugly udders,overgrown sweat glands because of self absorbed stupid males who would not accept I didn't want sex I wore a frickin bra and I bound the stupid tumors down. I developed early,and It was traumatic.

By time I was in 6th grade I wore only boys clothes because I could not stand the changes in my body.and I would sneak off  to the boys dept and get clothes there as mom picked out her silly girl shit,and I woukld try on both her stuff and the stuff I liked and reject all the feminine clothes as "not fitting me".
My father always was calling me an oaf (I have big shoulders and I am tall and strong I look manly in my frame) and would tell me "be a girl",yet everyday after facing a horde of bullies at school,on the bus I came home after that beating and humiliation scene there I faced everyday to get  my father's daily drunken lecture on my weakness,supidity and failures to stand up to a horde of bullies both boys and girls that the teachers and bus drivers failed to control. I was different and I paid for it on both ends.
Just writing this brings tinges of suicidalness.

The saddest part is the hoops our ignorant control freak male dominated  culture forces transpeople  to go through to get transgender surgery that can bring peace by removing the wrong gender charactaristics so they can heal without being threatened by the body. Sometims you gotta do something others would not do to find who you are and to understand how to be safe enough to understand happiness. I want these boobs gone,I hate them they are not me,they are burdens everywhere I go. They are dangerous and horribly uncomfortable and they are ghastly to me.They are 2 prison bars, that I do not want,need or use.Just because my gender biologically forces me to have these boobs,does not mean I MUST accept them as parts of me. Genetics also can cause cancer and no one tells a  person with a tumor to get in touch with the cancer side of themselves and accept it as part of who they are  just because thier DNA has trouble telling cells to stop growing..
I was happy  when the uterus was removed from me,I know I will NEVER become a mother,and this brings me alot of happiness, I am thankful I do not bleed anymore and I never will again.

Men, you are not cursed with horrible boobs and nasty bloodbags and a vagina that can produce babies even when you don't want  one. You don't get oogled at like a slab of bacon,(however this is beginning to change) you don't get told to wear dresses that make you vunerable in a lot of ways if men take advantage.But you are told to stuff emotions and be strong..

Looks like I got the worst of both gender  worlds I have this hidious female body but I gotta be strong too. What a crock.
For me I say to hell with it all,
I'm a feline inside ,both and neither gender.I am  bi/asexual.Inside I say  to hell with liking one kind of person over another, sex,gender and humanity and all the stupid "roles" and games of make believe that people inflict upon one another that does nothing but make emotions into monsters that consume children and make them into copies of thier chickenshit parents and replicates our sick culture for another generation...

Anonymous

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Emasculating insecure Dads
« Reply #18 on: May 30, 2004, 01:57:47 PM »
Feline? Such despair in your post. I have some agreement with you about breasts. Have always felt that because of the way both men and women treat them, they’re some appendage to my real self. They hide me. I’m sorry about your childhood. I’m sorry you hurt, cut, yourself. I’m glad you had the cats in the woods. I’m sorry there was no-one there to be your friend and protect you, love you, take care of you as you deserved. I hope there is now.

You mention our sick culture. I wanted to give you something good. Have you seen this post from the other ‘what helps?’ board? It’s about an African tribe. Not so sick culture perhaps….

http://voicelessness.com/disc3/viewtopic.php?t=223&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0
See the post by New Guest, about 75% down the page which includes ‘THEY'RE SINGING YOUR SONG’. What do you think? Hopeful? Take care Feline, keep writing…  cat-lover.