re: bean's story

[cats paw]

  I understand the difficulties of having intensely ambivalent feelings.

cats paw

[Ami]

Dear Bean,
  I have so many things to say about your story. I want to thank you for writing it.I was transfixed -reading it.I can relate to so many things.
  A "funny' thing was having conversations with your M that made NO SENSE. I wished and prayed for a 'normal' mother who could give me  sane advice.   My M loved to say outlandish things and  laugh at the "shocked" look on my face.
 OHHHH------I can so relate to that. Some do get funny . It reminds me of a definition of humor------Tragedy plus  time.
 I loved what you said at the end-----you have to stop hating her ----so you can stop loving her. That about sums it up.
 It is the connection that we want.
 I hate to think of this story. My F's mother was dying. She was calling out for her M who had died when she was young(16). my GM had always been so kind to me. I remember the poignancy of that moment.When it all came down to it---she wanted her mother.
It is so sad, Bean.
I am so glad to have read your story. Thanks you so much.
I want to comment more,later. I have to go,now.            Love   Ami



(((((((((((((Bean))))))))))))))))

[Ami]

Oh Bean,
  I know that feeling of vulnerability. It really  hurts. I am so glad that you did tell your story. .You have always been one of the people ,on the board, that I would most  like to meet, in real life. You seem like an "adorable" person.
 I think that you have climbed up from a pit in to the sunlight(not an easy task).
  You have left your family behind and made a new life. You have found your voice(in large part)
 . I think that you are honest and direct.If you say s/thing,it is your honest means of expression.
  I really like you ,Bean, and always have.                   Love   Ami


((((((((((((((((Bean)))))))))))))
 

[Ami]

Dear Bean,
 I have been thinking about your story. I had the same "dynamic". You had to be smart(effortlessly) and beautiful(effortlessly).
 I felt that same pressure to be all. I dieted and fasted ,but Thank God never did worse..
I had the same dynamic where the whole house revolved around ,"Make sure your M feels good about  herself."
 The whole focus of the  family was "keeping M buttressed up". I was the oldest and only girl.
  I was her" blank slate.", Although I was the 'golden child to her,also,in some ways.
   She wanted me to shine for her so she "cared " about my "needs"--in some ways.I guess that that was a blessing.
  Bean,  how do you feel after writing your story? Any different?   Love to You   Ami

((((((((((((Bean))))))))))
 
 

[Hopalong]

I didn't know what to "hate" to make her like me.  As a result, I hated everything.

Bean, your story is magnificently clear, well written, and perceptive.

I am so glad you can see it all so clearly.

I am so moved by who you are, because now I see who you were "programmed" to be.

No resemblance!!

lots of love,
Hops

[JanetLG]

Bean,

Thank you for having the courage to post your story. You've explained it all so well.

Especially the bit about the fact that you didn't understand how you could possibly get on with OTHER people outside your family, when at home it was always so dreadful. I can relate to that bit!

I hope it doesn't seem quite so scary now that you've posted this, because we all just think even better of you now than before. How you got through that, I just don't know.


Janet

[Leah]

(((((( Bean ))))))

Sincerely, my heart understands.

Love, Leah

[finding peace]

Bean,

I am so sorry for all you have endured.  Reading your story hurt - both for you and for me – so much of your story resonates with my life. 

While I was lurking, which I did for a loooong time before I found the courage to post, your posts really spoke to me.  I see why now.

I am so glad you were able to see it for what it is and break away; extremely hard and painful, but sometimes essential.

(((((((((((((((((Bean)))))))))))))))))

Peace

[Certain Hope]

Dear Bean,

Thank you so much for sharing your story.... and for touching my heart.
I wish that *they* could appreciate what they had right before their eyes... but there's none so blind as those who will not see.

With hugs and love to you,

Carolyn