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NPD stalking
azgirl:
Thank you Flower, for your insight. I'm not quite sure where to take it from here. One of my major concerns in taking this a step further is I live in a small town and the man I'm speaking of is, in spite of his criminal history, loved by many locals. The father of the girl who filed the complaint was ostracized by our community during the man's incarceration. The father lost work, was shunned and so on. I suppose one way of handling this outside local law enforcement would be to contact the N's probation officer and simply request that the N stay away from my neighborhood.
shixie:
When I ended a 12 yr relationship with my N ex, he relentlessly called, emailed and had his friends and family call me. I had met someone else and moved 700 miles away. He threateded to come to where I moved to talk to me. It made me an emotional wreck. I eventually caved and said I would fly home to hear him out. He picked me up at the airport and took me to Canada. It was a yearly trip we always took and he had a deposit on the placed we stayed. He didn't care what I wanted or what I had to say. It was a nightmare. I shudder just thinking about it again. My future husband went through alot too. It was so awful I won't go into anymore detail. Now in retrospect, what was I thinking? I am lucky I made it back alive. He was a hunter and had a arsenal of guns and ammo. It's scary to think about it.
azgirl:
What is shocking, Write, is the N was not shunned by our community, rather he received an outpouring of support. There was a 13 year age difference between the N and the victim. She was 13 at the time and he was 26. He is now in his 30's. When the victim reported to her father what had happened when she was 13 and the father made the complaint last summer, to the dismay of many, the father of the girl and girl were shunned! Upon his release, the community welcomed him back with open arms. I agree with you that he is in effect having a "long distance" friendship with me and that the contact, even though it is limited, fulfills some fantasy on his part.
Learning:
Hi Azgirl,
I don't know what exactly you should do because every case is different, but I thought I would share my experience with a N stalker.
Several years ago I filed a restraining order against my ex-sociopath (my therapist's opinion) boyfriend. We had been broken up for about a year but were still in contact until one day he just showed up at my house. On that day he became very insulting to me and I told him to leave. I felt afraid of him. He would not leave so I called the police. He still wouldn't leave until he heard me report his name to the police. Then he ran out of the door. I tried my best to ignore him after that but the emails, phone calls, cards and gifts kept arriving. I knew he had been by my house because he would place things in my mailbox. Sometimes he would also show up at places (coffee house, bar) that I was at (and I don't live in a small town).
I became engaged to be married to my husband about a year and a half later and still the emails were coming. He would write things that were trying to make me doubt my choice in a mate. He had heard about my engagement and he knew people who knew my H. Sometime after that, I decided to file a police report.
The most important thing in filing a restraining order is to have a record of events. I had kept all of his emails and cards. And I sent his gifts back (including an engagement ring) with a record of the item with the post office (I can't remember what that is called right now...sorry its late :roll: ).
He tried to fight the restraining order and had his shifty lawyer draw up a document with tons of lies trying to discredit me and a hearing date was set. Since I had all my records, I drafted a 20 page reply to his lawyers bs. I had to see him again in front of a judge and I was a wreck (thankfully I had my H with me), but I am glad I did it. The judge did cancel the restraining order (because my ex convinced him that it would ruin his chance at volunteering at Big Brothers Big Sisters ...lie, lie, lie) but he did warn him that if he ever bothered me again, the order would immediately be reinstated. That was 7 years ago and he has never bothered me again.
Azgirl, again...I don't know what is best for you to do...you need to judge that...but in my case, standing up for my rights worked.
Take care and Good Luck!
write:
What is shocking, Write, is the N was not shunned by our community, rather he received an outpouring of support.
denial is so common, people want to believe what they want to believe...it's easier for people to believe what they want to be true, rather than looking at the facts.
How horrible for the young lady, and what a retrograde community; the days of women being blamed for assaults they suffer ought to be well gone.
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