I read this inquiry today...do N's ever think about us like we think about them...I might add, like we "long for, pine over, have to struggle without, learn to live without them and their phone calls, dinner dates, relationships, pseudo-love"
I also read your BRILLIANT answers that were sooooooo accurate and so familiar to me, that I just wanted to re-post the best of all of them in hopes that someone who reads this thread and is taking notes, will sincerely take them to heart and have a ready, at-hand list of these. Bravo, friends! GREAT RESPONSES! I'm adding my own toward the end and comments in between.SO...DO NARCISSISTS THINK ABOUT US LIKE WE DO ABOUT THEM?
Leah: While sadly, they remain empty vessels, drifting upon the waves, tossing to and fro.
Upon reflection, it is quite natural to be thinking the thoughts that you have, as back then, they were my thoughts also.
During this, your initial 'finding out' stage while in trauma/shock and grief, of the finality, of No Contact.
It's not possible to just cut off --- our Nsister can, because N's are empty vessels (poor souls).
We can't just cut-off --- because we are different.
In my experience, when I finally got to a point with Jodi where I wanted to cut her off, I kept trying to convince myself that there were reasons to keep hanging on and hoping that maybe what she was, was not really what I experienced. Even she herself asked me"if you say I'm such an evil, terrible person, a narcissist, WHY DO YOU KEEP WANTING TO HANG ON TO ME." honestly, I didn't know WHY...I just kept wanting her in my life.
alone48: They miss what we gave to them, until someone else comes along and provides it.
So true, alone. The key in my situation was that Jodi already replaced me ahead of time, by using me to tell her all about the next person...what her fave foods were, what she liked/disliked, etc...in that way, Jodi was able to be exactly what the next supply person wanted and thus, HOOK in. Soon enough, I was "out, old news, useless" and all I heard about was how RIGHT I was that this new person was sooooo much like her and wasn't I glad I found that out before it was too late and Jodi and I ended up in a relationship that just was not right. UGH...seems so NOBLE when it's told to you that way, doesn't it? How wonderful that I HELPED her ditch me and how THANKFUL I should be to have been dumped and replaced. INSANE
izzy "now": they were at fault because he couldn't hold a job and they were the ones who made him drink, but says in such a way that you feel so badly for him and fall for the fact that you are exactly what he is looking for in a woman, and he is so nice and you kow that you'll be so good to him and for him and you will be the woman behind his success and you're being trapped in the web, so when he spits you you out you just might me thought about again when you are added to all the ones from the beginning when he is snowing someone else.
Oh yes...we are going to RESCUE the poor, misunderstood narcissist, because WE will know how to treat him/her right. We will heal those awful wounds from the last person who just could not be there for N in the way he/she needed. PUUUUUUUKE!
gratitude: I thought she was angry. And then, when I did talk to her, it was as if she hardly remembered I existed.
Yeah. Isn't that freaky? ALthough I remembered X telling me "I can make it like we never took that trip together. I mean it. I can just totally wipe it all from my remembrance." I never actually EXPERIENCED what it was like to be totally wiped out of existence in someone's psyche. IT FEELS CREEPY, doesn't it! Like some sort of sci-fi movie.
janisty: as I got Hello out of my mouth she started screaming....." I hope your happy", I said "what are you talking about?:".... and she replied "You're getting everything you've ever wanted, and I hope you're happy.."..
Yep. Can relate here too. We're getting exactly what we wanted, right? We dared to contradict her most noble highness and made her feel GUILT, so now WE ARE THE BAD GUY and need to feel ASHAMED! PHOOEY ON THAT!
towrite: in my experience with my N mother, she does think of me but only when it will result in making her look good - or better. It's never for my sake.
Exactly. It is ALWAYS about them maintaining that false side they want the world to believe is the real them.
my response in specific: Do they think of us like we think of them? THey don't pine away for us, regretting what could have been, should have been. They have long since buried those feelings and never allowed them to surface enough to truly feel them. It's sad, disturbing, yet true. Jodi walked away from me and didn't come back, except when she sensed that her "image" was being tarnished on this board. Have I ever heard from her again? Nope. It was all about clearing her false facade to some people she never even got to know and thankfully did not get to know her up close and personal either. So, no, I don't believe they do think of us, struggle without us being around. They simply replace us with things, people, issues, anything, other than to realize and feel conviction that, that glob of flesh and blood back there that they just left behind without an identity or will to live, was actually HUMAN!
VERY VERY VERY WELL PUT!
~Laur
