ok going to say something now...tired of inuendos, insinuations, and digs

[reallyME]

i could post a slew of threads where, when people dared to speak out or disagree with others, they were:

made the brunt of jokes
insinuated against
mocked
threatened covertly
labeled (which i would LOVE to do to some right about now but have held back)
covertly told to be silent
spoken bad of
belittled
projected on

Tis the season to be...um, I can Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel the LOVE! sigh

[Gabben]

Hi Laura,

I hear your frustration and angst - I have felt that way recently too. I want more that anything for a big happy healthy family -- even they fight - another wish to let go of - reality check for Lise 

Being new to this board, I had to learn that even this place is toxic...my wishful thinking was that I could just jump in here and I would be safe and people would accept me, flaws and all.. But NOT. Today, I shed those tears.

The growing part of this is that I move through the triggers that come up for me and process here and sometimes behind the scenes with the safe others that ARE here.

Thanks for being direct Laura - that is a sign of a genuine person.

Lise

[Ami]

Any group has a "group think". If you violate it, they will TRY to make you pay. If it gets too toxic, you just have to leave.
 I don't think that the "group think "will change ,though. You just have to learn to navigate your way OR leave..If there is enough good to out weigh the bad, you stay.If not, you leave, as I see it      Ami

[reallyME]

Ami: Any group has a "group think". If you violate it, they will TRY to make you pay.[/quote

I agree.  What do you feel are some of the typical "group thinks" of the Vboard, Ami?

There is definitely an "anything goes" type of underlying attitude, when it comes to religious beliefs...anything, other than something that incorporates a very real God into it and a relationship with Him.

What else?

[Gabben]

i could post a slew of threads where, when people dared to speak out or disagree with others, they were:

made the brunt of jokes
insinuated against
mocked
threatened covertly
labeled (which i would LOVE to do to some right about now but have held back)
covertly told to be silent
spoken bad of
belittled
projected on

Tis the season to be...um, I can Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel the LOVE! sigh

May I add to this?

Using the power of suggestion as a form aggression  (the oldest trick in the book.)

[Ami]

Laura, dear,
  CAN you give me a day or two before I step in it ,again(lol) ?                                Ami

[reallyME]

well said, Bean

[Gabben]

Thank's Bean - that rocks with me too.

[Overcomer]

My take on it is that it is not the whole group-it is certain factions.  I have seen it time and again.  With different players but the same dynamic.  The best way to avoid conflict is to avoid it.  Stop visiting the threads where a feud is playing out and you can have a wonderful experience most of the time.

[Gabben]

Bean,

You raised a good point, what does healthy look like?

I found this article:

http://www.psychologyhelp.com/emot91.htm


Lise

[Gabben]

thanks guys.  I feel like I was saying here ye here ye!  listen to me!   Sometimes I get passionate and then I feel a bit weird afterward.  I don't know why...

Lise, That is a good link.  I have to drill this one into my brain:

Emotionally healthy adults, with respect to anger, are comfortable with anger and hatred, their own and others.

Outrage at particular people or groups always stems from a thought pattern of "they should not be ....". (And in almost all cases those "villainous" people or groups being judged think they are doing the right thing!) Outrage is a judging pattern that fails to accept reality as it is. In truth, those outrageous folks are that way. They just do not live up to my expectations.


Anger Tip. There are few "always" in therapy. Here is one of them: anger (including irritation, rage, hatred, etc.) is always based upon unfulfilled expectations. If I can let go of my expectations, I will not feel angry

OUCH -- That is truth!  Gotta work on letting go of expectations and do some more digging in me to find those unfulfilled wishes .

Have you ever read Judith Viorst? Necessary-Losses-Dependencies-Impossible-Expectations

 http://www.amazon.com/Necessary-Losses-Dependencies-Impossible-Expectations/dp/0684844958/ref=pd_sim_b_img_1

This book opened my eyes. I read this about 10 years ago.

Lise