I need serious help in dealing with "negative Nellies" of the world...anyone?

[reallyME]

There are a few online people and even some offline ones who really can get under my skin.

Does anyone else know someone of whom every convo goes this way:

me: hey.  how are you?  Anything good goin on in your life?
X: not really
me: so what's new?
X: nothin much.  I got to work today and some people were giving my co-worker a hard time and called me into the middle of it.  That really bummed me out for the week.  I had nothing to do with it so why did I have to be dragged in?
me: aw. that must have been rough
X: Then, I got home and my dog had pulled the toilet paper off the holder and dragged it through the house.
me: oh MY!
X:  I gained about 5 lbs in the past two days and i didn't have the courage to tell the doctor that I'm binging again.
me:  wow, sorry you are struggling so much
X:  I talked to my cousin about seeing that counselor she sees, but I just don't think I can get brave enough to do it.  i don't know anything about counseling.  Will they ask me about my drug problem?  I don't think I'm going to follow through anyway.
me:  sounds really difficult
X: anyway, I hate my job and i want to quit but i know my mother won't let me do that, cause then i won't be able to pay the rent.
me:  how old are you now?
X: 32, why?
me:  haven't you ever considered moving out into your own place, getting married or at least dating?
X: yeah I have, but I don't know anybody
me:  there are great dating services
X:  yes I know
me:  what about that friend of the friend you were going to double date with
X:  I never ended up going
me: oh I see.  I think you might really enjoy going out with friends to that picnic coming up.
X: maybe.  Anyway, I have a terrible headache.  I've had one for a long time I'm so stressed out from stuff.  i think I'll go lay down.
me: ok
X: I don't know what to do about things anymore.  I don't know why i even bother living.
.....................and ON IT GOES AD NAUSEUM EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION

Ok, now first of all, I am a choleric, as I've mentioned in other posts.  Cholerics do not have a lot of instant compassion on others by nature.  It is something I really have been working on.  I'm goal-driven.  My goal immediately feels like "I must FIX THE SITUATION FOR THIS PERSON OR HELP THEM FIX IT."

Now, I have found that:
1.) I can NOT fix this person, their situation
2.) This person has not done anything to fix their situation since 5 years ago
3.) This person does not go to the counseling appts even when they set them
4.)  I do much better not even attempting to talk to this person
5.)  As hopeful as i generally am for people, after 5 years of seeing them do this, I too, want to give up

Any help would be appreciated.  Have you dealt with this sort of thing?  No matter what you say, they tell you why they can't or won't do it.  By the way, this person has Avoidant personality disorder and Borderline Personality disorder too.

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP before I rip out the last grey hair I have left!

~RM

[changing]

Perhaps part of the problem could be that your view of yourself and your part in this could be less-than-realistic? Start there. If after reflection and getting a professional opinion, you indeed are all that you have said you are, and they are as well, then it seems like you have done all you could or should.

[reallyME]

Izzy, interesting that you mentioned the NC thing.

With this person, it eventually ends up with a long period of nc.  Then I run into them again and it's the same story.  See, i try to always keep hope alive that the person will eventually go get help and get away from the N situation they live in and finally start LIVING life rather than existing in it like a robot with the same depressive rote responses every time.  Alas, I think sometimes that this person will be an old person still lamenting the life they never lived.  I care, i really do, but i can NOT handle being around the dismality of it all for any real length of time.

~RM

[Leah]

Keep running into them? Try using your car next time.
but
repeat every time you see her
    =================
Ask the person what she has done sincce you last saw her.

"Nothing"

"Then there is nothing I can do to help you." and keep on going.

Dear Izzy,

Wise words indeed, may seem unkind to some, but, they may be the key to unlocking the person's inner door, of which only they own the handle.

Have taken your wise words into memory bank for future use as is appropriate.

Love, Leah