I made it to shore

[sea storm]

Dear darling wise gentle smart and funny members of Voicelessness:

Last Christmas I was readiy to throw myself in the river.  This Chrismas I have learned what destruction can be casued by a Narcissist in my liife. Hour by hour I tried to struggle throuch the devastation.  I am writing for anyone who is new to this journey through self discovery and finding out that others do not always mean us well.  Some bent and broken people who uncousciously set out to destroy the peop;e who love them teh most. What a crazy phenominon.  These poor pathetic souls have no empathy and barely a conscouss  but appear charismatic and adventurous. 
Targts of these people will be programmed by their Narcissist to give away thier spirits and everything they own. They will be isolated from anyone and anything that could see through teh calculating rtiual of destoying another person.

I am still addicted to my x N but I stay away. Wise words from gentle advocates kept prompting me to have no congtact.  The conditioning was intense and I struggle for independence. but I am geetting there.

The longer I am aawy form the N teh stonger I get . For me, it has  been a struggle to stay away from the dazzling charisma of my S. All I have to do is be good. All I have to do is flatter him and build him up. All I have to do is wait on him. All I have to do is surrender. Then I could have that lving sun shone on me again.  But the price is too high.  I would be devalued again. Lies, fraud, slander, gaslighting and slavery. Who I am does not matter to him at all. I could be anybody.

Rebuilding is really hard and I have made a committment to doing what I have to do to make a life. Now I have a few friends and like my wok. Undersanding Narcissists helps me choosing friends who are reciprocal. My boss is still an N but I can see what is going on and stay under the radar.

I am so grateful for this warm place with all you good people. Every community needs a few odd birds to keep them on their toes and they show up hear and baffle and botrher us for awhile but the goodness her truumphs.

Blessing to you all and lots of love,

Sea Storm

[Hopalong]

Bless you back, Sea Storm!
It is very good to hear from you.
You have swum so hard and come so very far.
I feel very happy hearing about how you are appreciating your own growth...
The daily decision for NC, how it's changed your life...

You got it. By George, you got it.

And this is so simple, so true:

Undersanding Narcissists helps me choosing friends who are reciprocal

SUCH a big one!

Happily,
Hops

[Certain Hope]

((((((Seastorm))))) I am rejoicing with you in your freedom!  You are so very valuable and worthy of sincere love in relationship... please don't ever settle again for less.

Merry Christmas Blessings and a very glad New Year!

Carolyn

[CB123]

Merry Christmas, Sea!  Soooo good to hear from you. 

I remember that long swim to shore...

Love
CB

[teartracks]

seastorm,

Bountiful blessings to you and best wishes for great things for the New Year.

tt

[Ami]

Dear Seastorm
 Always one of my favorite board members---so nice to hear from you. You are doing so well, Seastorm. I miss your posts.Very Happy Holidays and a Blessed New Year.                  Love   Ami

(((((((((((Seastorm)))))))))))))

[sea storm]

Thanks for your kind words.

I have missed you.

Sea storm

[Gaining Strength]

I'm so glad you are safely to shore.  Reading your words are such solace to my soul and such good reminder.

It is helpful to hear how hard it is to tear away from a spouse N.  I still wonder why I have such sorrow still about N parents.  I still wonder why I haven't been able to completely let go.  I have made great progess but I look forward to the day when I can put up a barrier to protect myself from them both, when I can love the person and hate the disease, when I can forgive and move on.  That is my model of true growth and when I get to that shore I will be beyond the waters of resentment, self-loathing, shame and longing.  Thanks for your post.

[sea storm]

Gaining Strength:

I think we have loyalty when we love. This is not a bad thing but unfortunate for us. So the ties are not easily broken.

I struggle with that concept of forgiveness. I think of Budhist monks who have been tortured by Chinese captors and do not give in to hatred and resentment. They are not willing to accept the hatred directed at them, to be the vessels for hatred. To lose their connection with the infinite or God is too precious to let go of in favour of cruelty and anger.  Hmmmmmm   Wish I was there but am not.

Narcissist's have brains that are wired ineffectively. Big hypocanthus or something like that. So they do not read emotions in others or experience them in the way that other peole dol. So why not forgive them? Does one forgive the shark that bites off your leg?
I could never have sounded like this a year ago. It sounds like the rumblings of detachment.

I wish that I could forgive and move on too. Just blow it off and have better things to do. That is probably a milestone on the healing journey. Just having the intention to forgive.  I can see talking with him and being strong enough not to fall for the old baloney. I miss his good side. Hovever, it is just too  dangerous to trust a person who lies.

Good luch to you Gaining Strength.  I think we should save our forgiveness for ourselves. I feel like a real fool for being suckered in for so many years.  Something gave me the impulse to eject from the relationship by setting boundaries.  i must have an angel. I was still enthralled by him but it was literally killing me.

I hope someone out there is getting this message who needs it. It can all sound so melodramatic.  unless you have been through it.

Love to you

Sea storm

[Hopalong]

Well put, Sea.
Sure does sound like the rumblings of detachment.
What a fine way to move toward a new year.
And I think the intention to forgive (with NC) is the intention to complete your own healing. It's for you. He would not value it.

I don't think your story is melodramatic at all, nobody here would, I think.
There is a terrible drama in awakening to what an N is, then awakening to your own victimhood.
Awakening to your choice to forgive is a very quiet chapter. A blessing...that's when it starts to become about forward, rather than looking back.

You sound wonderful.

love
Hops