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How old we are perceived

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sjkravill as guest:
Another topic I can relate to.

I am living home with my parents this sumer. I haven't lived with on any kind of long term basis for several years.

My parents do tend to treat me like a child. It sort of drills the message into my head that I am uncapeable of doing anyting right on my own.  I have major issues with making mistakes! As I have been trying to reflect on my marriage, I have realized that my husband treats me like a child too.

I think with N's this behavior puts them in a "god-like" authority position.  Then they can use you to think about how benevolant they are, and how needed they are by you because you are incapeable of doing anyting by yourself.  

Living at home, I am trying to respond in a way that doesn't encourage or reward their behavior.  For the first time I am really noticing a major invasion of my boundaries, and lots of little put-downs, etc.  I also want to behave like an adult, as to keep the peace while I am here.  I hate the thought that when I am with my parents I revert to this pre-teen feeling of disgust.  If nothing else, something is coming to my consciousness that was not really there before. I understand myself a little more.  I always thought they were blamelsess.  Anyone have any ideas?

Peace, sjkravill

Patsy:
Hello Sy..

This is a great topic it has really got me thinking too.

I returned to the family house to help my father in 1990 for a year as he had a knee replacement and needed help. (major attack of compliance!!)
This was NOT a good decision.

His N behaviour was extreme and I ended up as a puppet in order to keep the peace. I had two small children who needed me and he wanted me to ignore them in favour of his needs.
One day I thought "what have I got to lose if I say no to his demands?".
So I did...!!! :lol: Well I did it very calmly and just said No..and that my children and my own life needed me. He nearly had a fit...but it was just that a temper tantrum. He never tried to kill me as I had always believed he would and it really helped me to know that all his bluff and blunder was just that...storms to frighten a child. And I was no longer a child but an accomplished adult. Well as these things go..of course he found ways to punish me. But  I gained strengh knowing that my worst fears were unrealised and set about creating some boundaries that worked for me.

I can tell you ..once you get the flavour of NO..in your mouth said to unreasonable demands..you want to taste it again and again.

woohoo..go me!!

Maybe that may help you Syk (sorry can't remember all your username)

Another interesting thing I still note though..is that I can be behaving totally adulty for years and then return home and within two days a black cloud descends on m head and I'm fighting again for tools to survive.

It would be nice to get to a place where my adult behaviour was consistant around my father. Too much to hope for? :? I wonder??

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