Our Thoughts

[Ami]

I am trying to work out s/thing in my own mind. I would be interested in people's ideas.
On one thread ,s/one was asking if there are normal people. I think that I know a few normal people. My Aunt would be normal.(IMO) I have a friend named Melanie, whom  I would call normal.
  What do they have that "abnormal" people don't?
  I would say that a big trait is the ability to let their thoughts go by without condemning themselves. I know that my Aunt does not condemn herself for her thoughts.
 My Aunt does not judge herself for her thoughts.
 I felt like I was a really bad person for "bad ' thoughts. A  "bad' thought could be many things. It could be a judgement such as that person is acting like a jerk.It could be jealousy, pettiness, selfishness, greed, pride etc
This is my next step toward health----to think what I think without my own condemnation. Anyone struggle with this?

[alone48]

I don't know so much about the bad thoughts, but I think just not letting people get to you and define who you are. There seems to be a peace some people have and I'm sure they have problems like everyone else, just don't take it so much to heart. Or don't feel the need to fix everyone and everything. That is the closest I have seen to normal. They are not N's but also not co's, just existing with what the world has to offer.

[Ami]

That makes sense, Alone. They are doing 'their own thing"--not in reaction to other people or things.Thanks ,Alone      Ami

[Overcomer]

I am realizing that there is healthy N and then the proverbial malignant N.  For instance, my mom does not care one ioda what anyone thinks of her-not because she cares-just because they do not matter to her.  Well I guess she cares what some think but she masterly arranges the circumstances so she comes off looking great.  Me?  I used to melt if I called to ask someone to babysit-What if they said no?  I DO NOT THINK I COULD TAKE THAT KIND OF REJECTION!  Boy times have changed-no longer care.

[Ami]

Thanks Kelly.
I guess that I could modify my question or start a new thread(which I will ) on WHAT is "normal"or emotionally healthy? That would be an interesting discussion--don't you think?                  Ami

[gratitude28]

I don't believe that there is any such thing as normal. BUT I think a wonderful and healthy trait in people is not judging others and being respectful (living by the golden rule). I think those people tend to be the most "centered" people, and that is what I aspire to be. We all have differences and quirks, but to me those are the two qualities that define a good person. I think when you are a well centered person, you analyze everything a bit less, because you are comfortable with your existence. When we are worried about our being, it is because we are somehow not comfortable.
Good topic!!! Thanks.
Love, Beth

[Overcomer]

I have seen people who I think are healthier than most-I envy those kinds of people.  But I often look at people and try to psychoanalyze them.  I always wonder what drives people to do what they do.

[alone48]

My girlfriend was telling me today that I attract weird people.....I said wellllll you and I are good friends, she replied "yes but I'm weird". I asked what she meant and she said people tell you things they don't tell others and then you need to get involved. I think she meant it as a compliment, not sure. Again though what is weird or normal. All appearances...don't you think?

[reallyME]

alone: she said people tell you things they don't tell others and then you need to get involved.

could she mean that you are a rescuer?  I am a fixer, rescuer by nature, and it's really hard to not want to help someone who is struggling.

My problem comes in, when I get so close to someone that I notice really annoying habits...everything from poor spelling, bad grammar, physical traits that aren't appealing to me, bad habits, tendencies of staying in defense mechansms that are childish...then, I want space from that person, rather than to fix/help/rescue them.

I believe, at this point, I begin to sense "enmeshment" starting to occur and feel trapped.  That is when I sense that boundaries are being violated and it is also when I put my foot down with the other person, before I repeat history in some way.

~L