When you reach my age, there is far more history. I hired a girl to help me unpack and wash my good chinaware.
She is 19, her mother 40, her grandmother 60, her Great-grandmother 93. Her mother married a bad boy and divorced him in a year.
My granddaughter is 19, her mother is 44, her grandmother is 70 and has no great grandparents........
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As much as I did as told and ‘left at home, what happened at home’, my school mates did not know about the abuse. When I left home to work, I still never told anyone, but I carried pictures of the family and would show them, to show I had a family. I never invited a friend home.
Then I was in the accident and Ken when to see my parents and became embroiled with my family. It was a sister who told me my job was waiting for me whenever I was ready to return. I felt I ought to have received a letter from the Company stating the situation and asking me what to do with my cheques…. but no, Ken took it upon himself to hand deliver and ‘get to know the false side’ of everyone.
My first week at work, 1967, and he was my supervisor, I was called by my previous employer to please come and help with the payroll, as the new girl I trained just didn’t show. I went 3 evenings @ 4 hours and did the payroll and still did the payroll for my new job. I mentioned this to Ken and he lambasted me for it. It was none of hhis business what I did after my working day for him was through and I said nothing because I was new. With D being only 3 she didn’t know about this or how totally annoyed I was with ‘my boss’.
Then came his ‘attack’ when I was released from hospital and his hanging around, and my trying to learn things on my own. Daughter, at 6, just saw him as a friend and didn’t know any of his smarminess..
EDIT] Then he called me and said I must start work the next Monday or lose my job. i had nothing in writing!
He always bought her expensive gifts and even set up an RISP for granddaughter, for University.
I never asked her thoughts on whether this made her feel beholden to him, different ages, but it tagged onto all the ‘good and bad’ that had made me keep my mouth shut , because he never listened anyway.
When she and I were estranged, she would always go see him and then he would pass info to me, and I hated that, as he did it with superiority. I asked him to stop, when she and I had begun our email stretch., telling him that she told me all I needed to know. But when granddaughter did NOT go to University, he wondered to me if D had spent the money on something else. I said that was her business, that I didn’t know that part. I mentioned to her as she had talked about being ‘short’ and GrD is attending a Journalism college--University is more prestigious/expensive here than a College.
I mentioned to her that he was wondering about the money, then heard from him that she had not contacted him in a while. She knows my feelings, NOW, about many things about him, so I just told recently that I had had it with him, and had ‘outed’ him to his face, over the phone, just so she would know, if there were any contact between them.
She just thinks of him as a lonely old man…. and I doubt that she can see he has a ‘control’ streak in him, that came more to light, for me, when I learned more about Nism. She might have seen the Nism in her husband, but doesn't see 'controlling in Ken....that might mean the $$$$? (EDIT--There is Will in existence, eh what?)
Izzy
