The panic/stress has returned

[tayana]

I was doing so well for a while.  I'm not really sure what happened, actually.  I've just got that panicked out of control feeling going on again.   I do sort of know what's going on, but I don't know what to do about it.

* The creditor I thought I'd gotten rid of has hired a new lawyer and will be pursuing another attempt to collect the debt I thought was taken care of.  I can't afford to continue to retain an attorney, and I don't intend to pay for this.  I was looking into buying a home, thinking this matter was resolved, and then I started getting calls about it.
* I've discovered that I'm in no way ready for a relationship of any sort.  I feel terrible about telling the girl I was seeing that I can't be a couple right now.  She's content to be friends, but she still keeps pushing a bit.  I don't like it.  She keeps hoping that I'm going to have a change of heart, but I don't feel "that" way about her.
* I really hate my job, but I can't justify leaving right now.  I make good money and have good benefits.  It's just that I'd like for my co-worker to spend less time kissing the boss's butt and more time doing actual work.

I've talked to the attorney, who is supposed to call the creditor.  I will have to check back on that in a few days.  I have talked to the girl, but I still feel badly about that.  I can't do anything about work but wait until things calm down. 

Still, my stress response is in full gear.  I realized it last night and took the as needed medicine my doctor gave me, which helped. I think I'm also getting sick, so that's not helping at all.

[write]

Break it down:

*I think you are quite right about the relationship- unless a person will back off when we say 'enough!' they are not good long-term relationship material, their own needs will always take priority.

*lazy co-worker, she'll stitch her own self up in time, people can camaflouge-kiss-ass for a while but not forever!

*debt- you are going through the processes of sorting it out again.

All those things were not within your control.

What is within your control:

*The job you do - doing it well

* Future work: lots of us have had to do work we hate for some time, keep telling yourself when things have settled again you'll change jobs and do little things to build a bridge to another job. Even things like reading, meeting others, researching etc- I used to have a phrase 'set it up'. Most things happen in stages.

*active relaxation and stress management. Take your meds, exercise, eat well, get enough sleep, find anxiety management and self-help techniques.

Here's a hug ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

~Write

[teartracks]

Tay,

Hugs to you and the boy!

Love,

tt

[tayana]

Thanks.  I had to take M to the doctor earlier, and we played hooky for a bit, went out for lunch and walked outside because the weather was nice.  That helped a little.

Write: I really like your suggestions.  I feel very trapped in my job, and I've been working on trying to jumpstart my writing career.  I've had several sales.  Not enough to live on yet, but I keep telling myself that maybe I'll get there, or at least make enough writing, I could take a pay cut for a job I actually like. 

I dumped all of the crap back on my co-worker.

And in a little bit . . . I've got to . . put a deposit on the room for a birthday party and pick up invitations.  Then I can relax.