Author Topic: The concept of evil  (Read 4755 times)

mrt

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The concept of evil
« Reply #15 on: June 19, 2004, 01:23:13 AM »
Anastasia,

I get it.  It took me many years but I got there and I haven't had contact with my N family for almost 2 years.

I'm just pissed off big time!  I have none of my old friends/ church  'cause they are tied with them and to contact them would start a dialogue / discussion of how they are , & all the blah blah which I don't know what to hear or know.
 
I feel all alone now. I have nobody but my wife and kids. I guess I'm an emotional orphan now. If they were dead it wouldn't matter. I am learning to deal now with my wasted past (on them/ with them)  and trying to learn to move forward with out my past crutches of hanging on to "family"
mrt

Anastasia

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The concept of evil
« Reply #16 on: June 19, 2004, 06:54:53 AM »
You have to go thru this period of ANGER and pent-up hurt before you can start to heal, I think.  I would be curious as to what Dr. Grossman's opinion is on this, but this is what happened to me.  And that period of rage lasted too, too long.  It seems like such a waste of time, but it was necessary to separate myself from the narcissist and all the truly horrible things she has done (and still does) to me.
My mother is a CLASSIC narcissist.  Obviously, I have some fallout from it even tho I came out better than most.  My resiliance is due to good genetics from somewhere, I guess, and just the basic dna/personality I inherited.  
This does NOT mean I didn't receive some of the traits of an ACN:  food disorders, workaholism, problems "accepting" a long-term relationship with a man (no trust:  how could I?).
YOU are NOT now an "emotional orphan," Mr. Traced:  what about your wife and kids?  I had my son.  I invested alot of time, love and guidance in him.  Why?  Because I loved him so much.  I truly enjoyed my time with him ("most" of the time...haha...he's a normal smartass kid, after all).  Cornball as it sounds:  I wanted to be a parent, and love being a parent.
Mr. Traced, you are not alone....so stop it!  Invest all this emotion in what you do have which is your wife and kids.  If you and your wife aren't so hot, you will always have your children!  They can't divorce you.
This healing of such damage to us takes years--sometimes it feels you will never understand why, never trust again, never be close to healthy....but, if you keep at it, you will start to make progress.  
It is common knowledge that life is always a tad harder being a religious careerperson's child.  Just consider this an extra burden like coping with ADD or having an extra toe:  a handicap in life to some extent, sure, but you can learn to cope with it.  You can come out of this experience of childhood.  It takes time, and YOU have to do alot of work on yourself.  But I am convinced most of us can do it and succeed (or at least, cope better).
Go thru the rage about your childhood:  probably good for you in order to get to the next step which is acceptance.  After acceptance, you receive more inner peace.  
In the interim, get pissed off as you were jacked around like I was.  Rage.  Scream and hit a pillow.  Life is not always fair nor meant to be.  You were in an unfair situation.  You have every reason to be mad.   Go to it....until it is all out of you.
Stay on this Board.  Read.  Learn where to go for help in books.  Get therapy if you need someone to talk to.  Stick with it.  You can grow from this experience.  
Yeah, it sucks.  I wish I had a loving mother instead of the selfish, self-centered thing I got.  But that's life...who promised fairness?  
It is up to YOU to take care of YOUR emotional needs, and you can do it.
Good luck!

mighty mouse

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The concept of evil
« Reply #17 on: June 19, 2004, 12:38:44 PM »
I feel all alone now. I have nobody but my wife and kids. I guess I'm an emotional orphan now. If they were dead it wouldn't matter. I am learning to deal now with my wasted past (on them/ with them) and trying to learn to move forward with out my past crutches of hanging on to "family"
mrt


Mr.T,

I just wanted to point out that you have more than most in your wife and kids. I have my wonderful H and a couple of good friends. But IMO it's very important to take the energy spent on what you have lost and put it into your relationship with your family. They will lose if you spend too much energy on that other "fake" family. You have the opportunity to make a really great family of your own. And you can make new friends too.

I'm not saying you don't have to work through your anger. Just don't let this taint what you have or these "fakes" will have won. Don't let them win, man!

MM

Anonymous

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The concept of evil
« Reply #18 on: June 23, 2004, 08:37:13 AM »
Quote

 They will lose if you spend too much energy on that other "fake" family. You have the opportunity to make a really great family of your own. And you can make new friends too.

I'm not saying you don't have to work through your anger. Just don't let this taint what you have or these "fakes" will have won. Don't let them win, man!



Thanks for the encouragement! You are so right when you call them "Fake" - cause that is exactly what they are.
Yeah, I don't want the fakes to ever win again. If they knew how mad I was they would probably have a preverse grin/joy knowing that they affected me like they do.  N's are so annoying!

They ain't gonna win Mighty Mouse. They ain't gonna!!
Keepin' it real. Mad as hell but not as mad as I use to be.
 
MrT.

Anonymous

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The concept of evil
« Reply #19 on: June 23, 2004, 12:52:00 PM »
Hey, hey Mr. T,

Good to hear from you again.  Just wanted to share with you that I have/am going through a similar journey of removing the scales from my eyes about "people of the cloth" and their entourage.  

The hypocrisy is astounding.  But I know you are a spiritual person like myself so I'll share what I think about.  First, I try to remind myself that although I don't like what happened to me, or what these people stand for, that they are God's creation too.  I am learning to give up trying to understand why, why, why and focussing on moving on.  (this took a long time).  

And although I was advised to give up the resentment and hand it over to God, I really didn't know what this meant or how to do it or what it would feel like.  What really helped me was the "new" discussion about what forgiveness is led by a Stanford U. psychologist.  Once I figured out that forgiveness is NOT about letting people off the hook, NOT about condoning their behavior, NOT about obtaining an apology, but about sorting through my anger and fixing the damage myself, that I could move on.  Sort of like a hit-and-run accident.  I'm mad it happened and have no one to make it better.  Then I realized that I have to make it better myself.  

You ARE the one who is hurt and they ARE the ones who damaged you.  Why go to the disease for the cure?  Another analogy.  Acid.  Acid isn't good or bad for being acid and eating away at strong things like metal or stomach lining  :? .  It just does what it does.  

I had to revise my expectations and hopes.  Then I felt remarkably better.  The little hamster running on the wheel in my head finally gave it a rest.  (along with a little help of an antidepressant  :wink: ).  

I'm glad you are mad as hell.  You DID deserve better.  You DO deserve better now.  You are in the driver seat now.  Keep working on it.  It will get better.  

Peace, Seeker  

PS as far as the hypocrisy in the church, I find it really helpful to me to read about the early Church and its beginnings vs. the convoluted theology and bureaucracy (pharisee-like behavior) of today's church.  Good luck to you.  

Seeker