You have to go thru this period of ANGER and pent-up hurt before you can start to heal, I think. I would be curious as to what Dr. Grossman's opinion is on this, but this is what happened to me. And that period of rage lasted too, too long. It seems like such a waste of time, but it was necessary to separate myself from the narcissist and all the truly horrible things she has done (and still does) to me.
My mother is a CLASSIC narcissist. Obviously, I have some fallout from it even tho I came out better than most. My resiliance is due to good genetics from somewhere, I guess, and just the basic dna/personality I inherited.
This does NOT mean I didn't receive some of the traits of an ACN: food disorders, workaholism, problems "accepting" a long-term relationship with a man (no trust: how could I?).
YOU are NOT now an "emotional orphan," Mr. Traced: what about your wife and kids? I had my son. I invested alot of time, love and guidance in him. Why? Because I loved him so much. I truly enjoyed my time with him ("most" of the time...haha...he's a normal smartass kid, after all). Cornball as it sounds: I wanted to be a parent, and love being a parent.
Mr. Traced, you are not alone....so stop it! Invest all this emotion in what you do have which is your wife and kids. If you and your wife aren't so hot, you will always have your children! They can't divorce you.
This healing of such damage to us takes years--sometimes it feels you will never understand why, never trust again, never be close to healthy....but, if you keep at it, you will start to make progress.
It is common knowledge that life is always a tad harder being a religious careerperson's child. Just consider this an extra burden like coping with ADD or having an extra toe: a handicap in life to some extent, sure, but you can learn to cope with it. You can come out of this experience of childhood. It takes time, and YOU have to do alot of work on yourself. But I am convinced most of us can do it and succeed (or at least, cope better).
Go thru the rage about your childhood: probably good for you in order to get to the next step which is acceptance. After acceptance, you receive more inner peace.
In the interim, get pissed off as you were jacked around like I was. Rage. Scream and hit a pillow. Life is not always fair nor meant to be. You were in an unfair situation. You have every reason to be mad. Go to it....until it is all out of you.
Stay on this Board. Read. Learn where to go for help in books. Get therapy if you need someone to talk to. Stick with it. You can grow from this experience.
Yeah, it sucks. I wish I had a loving mother instead of the selfish, self-centered thing I got. But that's life...who promised fairness?
It is up to YOU to take care of YOUR emotional needs, and you can do it.
Good luck!
