upsetting situation

[reallyME]

I did something recently that I rarely do...I entered into a chat forum and actually attempted to get to know some people and be friendly with the lady who ran it.

There was a guy in the room who chimed in on a discussion the leader and I were having about personality types, and he seemed nice, yet I didn't know if he was a guy or woman, cause of the screenname.

Finally, I asked him to add me to his chat list and the leader became enraged and accused me privately of flirting with him and being spiritually "off" (in so many words).  When I assured her I was not fliriting, only having fun about the topic of temperaments and that I was an adult and i get along better with males than females anyway, she proceeded to tell me that she will not have such behavior in her room.

Then she asked me why I keep coming to her room if I'm not going to respect her authority.  I told her I do respect it and she said "you will constantly challenge anything I tell you"  I said "no I won't.  I wasn't even going to come to your room.  I rarely ever come in rooms, but I believed God sent me there for a time."  Then I said "I will not challenge you but I also will not say nothing when I'm falsely accused of such a thing.  I was not flirting with the man.  I simply was being friendly.  My husband is fine with me talking to other men and so am I.  I used to run a dating service and I'd meet with men to hook them up with women.

She said to me "look ________is an adult.  I'm not a controller and I don't tell him what to do."  (I'm thinking coulda fooled me, B!" (but I gave up cussing for the New Year and i'm trying to be Godly here)

I finally told her "look, ask God to show you my heart and spirit"

she said 'I shall certainly do that!"

She stood her ground, told me she would not play games and finally, i told the guy that she did not want me to detract from her room so I needed to stop talking with him.  HIs big thing was to tell me to give this lady a chance, as I'd been telling him I had red flags about her.  well, now I see WHY!

Feeling like a darn N magnet all over again.

~Laura

[Bella_French]

Laura, Is flirting banned from that chat room, as a rule? If so, how is it defined? Is it sharing a joke? Is it showing support? Or what?

I'm curious about that!

X bella

 

[reallyME]

Lupine,

Go back, read your post to me and think of how you'd be feeling right now, if you had shared things about your family with the board and you received a response such as that.  I have answered the questions about my family in other posts in some detail.  I have no need to be interrogated nor to placate your punishing curiousity.

Bella,

After I posted what happened in the chat room last night, I went to a friend of mine who knows the leader in the room.  I told him what happened and he assured me that he would let the lady know that he knows me and that my character was not that of a "flirt" with another man.

People apparently do not realize that I have NO SEXUAL DRIVE WHATSOEVER ANYMORE.  I am not attracted to men in that way.  I prefer male friends.  It goes no further than that.  My father did not molest me, I was not repeatedly raped by men so that I fear them.  It was and still IS WOMEN who mistreat me, NOT MEN.  Therefore, I enjoy talking to males as they are straightforward, to the point, and not a ball of hormones and nastiness, like most women tend to be.

~L

[Leah]

People apparently do not realize that I have NO SEXUAL DRIVE WHATSOEVER ANYMORE.  I am not attracted to men in that way.  I prefer male friends.  It goes no further than that.  My father did not molest me, I was not repeatedly raped by men so that I fear them.  It was and still IS WOMEN who mistreat me, NOT MEN.  Therefore, I enjoy talking to males as they are straightforward, to the point, and not a ball of hormones and nastiness, like most women tend to be.

Dear Laura,

Smiling to myself here, as I have been told, many times, that I am like a man!      Because, I speak straightforward, honest, no agenda or hidden message when written or spoken, and good company.

Sometimes, myself included, we don't like to hear truth, however, I would prefer anyone to speak truth to me, to assist me, than to be patronized and patted on the head, while remaining stuck in the mud.

Be honest now, your hubby is a man.

Anyway, maybe at this time with all you have on your plate at home, maybe God is saying something to you, like, give the chatrooms at break for now?  maybe? 

Just a thought that came to me.  Compost or not, as you feel led.

Love to you,

Leah


PS >>  Anyway, maybe at this time with all you have on your plate at home, maybe God is saying something to you, like, give the CHAT FORUMS .....a break for now?  maybe? 

...... In reference to your other posting, on another thread, a few days ago, where you had problems with with a Chat Forum, and, in reference to the suggestion that was wisely offered to you, that it may be best to keep away if you can, to help you, as a person, right now.

[reallyME]

there is nothing to give a "break" to, as I said, I am not a frequent chat room user.  I happened to go into this particular one because GOD sent me there.  That is all.

If I want to pop in now and again I do, but to be honest, the majority of my puter time is spent doing research, listening to worship songs, working on my eDiets plan and just chatting with my spiritual mom and lady I mentor.

I will repeat...I AM NOT A CHAT ROOM USER AS A HABIT, because of the very thing I explained that happened last night.

thanks,
Laura

[Ami]

Lupine,
  I do not like your  attitude, at ALL. Who died and made you God??????????                   Ami

[write]

Sounds like you stepped outside your comfort zone again Laura- that's a big thing!

I cannot believe my life now, I used to feel so little and useless, and now there's nothing I won't try.

I think it's G_d, I really do- not religion, not doctrine or scripture- letting G_d ( or however you perceive that spirit of good in our universe ) flow through my whole life, not just a bit of it.

If I make a mistake, or get hurt, or fail...nothing is such a big deal any more, and I don't react or overreact. I can apologise without worrying I lose face- I have no inflated sense of pride- just this quiet confidence that if I persist in kindness and the work and relationships which fulfill me....everything will be okay.

One thing is leading to another in a remarkable way, I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be this happy and healthy, never.

The little steps are so important I think.

If someone said I am 'spiritually off' I would examine it and if there's truth in it- okay, I need to give ground, if not, I am sorry they don't agree.

Chat rooms are places of potential connection like everything else we do. There will be misunderstandings and personality clashes.

Think I may have to sign off again soon though- I am on here more and more....very compulsive I am!

Love
~W

[reallyME]

Write:

If I make a mistake, or get hurt, or fail...nothing is such a big deal any more, and I don't react or overreact. I can apologise without worrying I lose face- I have no inflated sense of pride- just this quiet confidence that if I persist in kindness and the work and relationships which fulfill me....everything will be okay.

ok, everything I have told Lupine and all of you is the truth about me, my family, the issues with X, etc.  It IS a big deal and I do not feel I am overreacting to being accused falsely by Lupine.

That's great you can apologize and lose face.  I'm not losing face.  I'm not losing voice either.  When someone accuses me falsely, I WILL speak up about it at some point. 

I do not have an inflated sense of pride, but I do have self-esteem enough to say "HEY NO YOU GOT ME WRONG."

And "kindness" to someone hitting you with a text-sledgehammer, is grossly overrated!

[Ami]

And "kindness" to someone hitting you with a text-sledgehammer, is grossly overrated!




  I agree.                        Ami

[write]

And "kindness" to someone hitting you with a text-sledgehammer, is grossly overrated!

you can step away from the sledgehammers now Laura.

I can only speak my own experience of kindness and I keep my values on that whatever happens, it's part of being authentic and mature to me personally. I accept others may have different feelings.

Many times I have been criticised for continuing to be kind to my ex, I can say it's never done any harm whatsoever. I learned to protect my business life, my emotional life, my inner world & and most of all- what I feel is my integrity as a person; that for me is my life and my faith, the teachings of Jesus Christ, loving in the face of another person's anger or malice or miscommunication etc.

Others may feel differently- but if I'm going to champion anyone it will be with what I feel are good values, the top one for me is always going to be kindness. Unless people give each other the benefit of the doubt or speak with kindness- and sometimes that means rising above unfairness or confusion- one person's voice is always going to be at the expense of another's.

We put outside ourselves what is within us, Jesus said that, so did other great teachers and psychologists.

The NPD person is fighting for their life to maintain their fragile self-image at any cost; that's why they don't let go and it's so important to them to be right, to seem perfect, to have constant adulation and never anyone disagree with them or see things differently.

We don't have to be like that- we can reclaim ourselves from having been taken over and still go on and be our best selves- the damage may be great but it's not permanent?

~W

[Gabben]

After reading through this thread I appreciate Bean and Ami's comments and agree I with them.

Hi Lupine,

My take on your post to Laura is one of contempt and attack. You were not coming from a spirit of help but rather a spirit of judgement and criticism. I hope that you can see that and instead of pointing fingers at Laura, perhaps try keep the focus on yourself, your own faults and errors in life...we all have issues and problems here.

Perhaps beating someone else up helps you to feel better about yourself? Or, creates a needed feeling of superiority for you in order to level some low-self esteem? I have done this sort of behavior myself, in the past, I am not happy about it and it takes courage for me to admit it but I want to help people and work to grow be a more loving person, no matter what.  You are not alone and you are accepted here - so why not accept others too?


(((Laura)))
Lise

[reallyME]

Thanks, Lise.

God has been showing me that I tend to be TOO open and vulnerable with people.  Not only should I stop defending my self, but I also need to stop revealing so much of myself as well.  It makes me a very easy target to bullies.

TY Lord for that insight

~Laura

[Ami]

Laura,
  I think that God really showed you a HUGE insight.Do not cast your pearls before swine tells me to discern with  whom  I share deep "intimacies" of my life.
  S/times I chose to share on the board  b/c I need to and so accept the flak I may get.I try to chose wisely, but have made many mistakes(lol)
  Laura,I think that God showed you s/thing very important.
  IMO, your family life has aspects that many people do not have the WISDOM  to handle ,well. IMO, you should find a few good friends ,whom you respect ,to share things ,that others could use as a weapon to hurt you and  HAVE.
  I am really, really happy you saw this truth.I think that it is a lesson in growth. We all have to learn it at some point(IMO)    Love   Ami

(((((((((Laura)))))))))))))

[reallyME]

ty Ames