depression and lying

[visitor]

I am confused about something.  I recently ended a relationship with someone who behaved very deceitfully - both in hiding things (not telling the complete truth) and in telling direct lies.  

Now this person claims that their behavior was due to the fact that they were clinically depressed.  Is lying considered a symptom of depression?  I find this confusing, since many people do suffer from depression but do not lie.   And the meds they are taking don't seem to be completely effective in restoring honesty.

Previously, this person was not honest in all things, although the lying and deceit definately worsened recently.  So if I person that is not really all that honest becomes depressed, do they begin to be even more dishonest?  Or does a depressed person not realize they are lying?

Perhaps depression enhances negative traits that are already present?  For example, this person always seemed not to fully take responsibility for unpleasant things that happened to them, even in cases where it was clearly at least in part to their own mistakes or shortcomings.  But this seemed to grow into intensive blaming and criticizing of other people for almost all the dissatisfaction they experienced in life - is that depression?  

I always thought depressed people tended to blame themselves, but perhaps that is only what I do when depressed...

Anyway, if any of you have any insight from your own experiences, I'd like to hear it.

[Anonymous]

I am confused about something.  I recently ended a relationship with someone who behaved very deceitfully - both in hiding things (not telling the complete truth) and in telling direct lies.  

Now this person claims that their behavior was due to the fact that they were clinically depressed.

I wouldn't buy this excuse. Depression doesn't cause lying. I've been depressed all my life and it hasn't turned me into liar. This person is manipulative. He or she is even lies about lying.

bunny

[Portia]

I agree with bunny.

this person always seemed not to fully take responsibility for unpleasant things that happened to them, even in cases where it was clearly at least in part to their own mistakes or shortcomings. But this seemed to grow into intensive blaming and criticizing of other people for almost all the dissatisfaction they experienced in life - is that depression?

 Blaming anyone except yourself is a sign of narcissism. And the increase in intensity in blaming seems to me like an N rage coming on, or old age approaching, or some ego set-back which they need to correct. It could look like depression - mine is medicated for depression (so she believes, so she tells others) - but it isn't.

It sounds like you ended a relationship with an N, visitor, not someone with depression. Does that help you? P

[Jaded911]

Visitor,

I have worked with many clinically depressed people and let me tell you!  Most of them do not have the energy nor the desire to brush their hair let alone the energy to muster up fantastic lies.  A clinically depressed person has a very flat affect and I have yet to see one who has the means to cognitively manipulate those who surround them.

Sounds to me like this person is a compulsive liar.  They get off pulling one over on everyone.  Hell, after awhile they truly begin to believe what they say.  They can con a con.

Liar Liar pants on fire.  Pants on fire usually creates a hot seat for ya to sit on.  I just figure that liars can burn their own ars's with their lies.  I have no time in my precious life to figure out their agendas nor would I ever reach for their hand if I were dangling from a cliff.  The way I look at liars is I believe that if someone doesnt have anything to hide, they hide nothing.  

Best of luck to you.  Until this person shows that they have a sincere bone in their body, I would take everything they said with a grain of salt.

[Anonymous]

Greetings everyone,

Hear, hear!  Nothing sets me off like a bald-faced lie followed up with a lame excuse.  It's not depression, it's manipulation.  "let me off the hook because I'm sick/can't help it/don't want consequences or responsibility".  BS!!!  

Just wanted to share what Gertrude Stein had to say about that:  
"Tell the truth, it's easier."  

I've read and feel it's true that the hardest thing in a relationship is to rebuild trust after it is gone (or at least damaged).  Once lied to, you're never sure if you are hearing the truth out of this particular set of lips.  

Take care, Seeker.

[Portia]

Hiya Seeker  just remembered I wanted to pop back for 10 seconds to say (((((((((bunny))))))))) that's a big hug. P

[visitor]

Thanks for the replies. I never did really buy this explanation, but the person offering it seems particularly good at getting under my skin.  But in the end it is just manipulation and more lying, and evading responsibility.  

I am taking all the steps I can to distance myself from this relationship - it is just as you said - once trust is destroyed, there is nothing to stand on.

Visitor