Look at me!

[Overcomer]

This is in reply to Are you a tourist or main attraction?  Being a D of a self absorbed N mom, I have had to live in her shadow all my life.  I have to admit that I want MY time in the sun!  I am always hoping to find a business that I can be successful at so I can feel good about myself.  I want to expose my mom as a poser and steal the limelight from her.  I feel it is about time that life starts smiling on me Do we all have a bit of N in us who crave the limelight?  Do the strokes nurture?

[Leah]

I want to expose my mom as a poser and steal the limelight from her.  I feel it is about time that life starts smiling on me

Do we all have a bit of N in us who crave the limelight?  Do the strokes nurture?


Dear Kelly,

Sincerely, respect your astute voice.

Love,

Leah 

(diligently working hard for answers, as a person)

[Ami]

You are so honest and real, Kelly. I don't know the answer to the question, so I am awaiting other people's responses. I just wanted to commend you on your honesty. How is your D,Kelly?                 Ami

[sunblue]

I really don't think it's a matter of trying to be like an N and be in the limelight like they are.  I think it's a matter of just once or maybe sometimes being a priority.

Those of us who grew up with N families understand that we were never, ever a priority with anyone.  And EVERYONE deserves to be a priority or the center of attention sometimes.  Otherwise, we're just ignored and dismissed, and that is both hurtful and damaging.  It's only fair.  We tend to be more givers than takers....but it's important to find some way to feel we have value and hold some importance because we never felt that with the Ns in our lives. 

Besides, in my view, when you get a chance to be in the limelight or to be a priority for someone, you get a boost in your self-esteem.  You get that encouragement and support that is so important to doing well and functioning healthily in this world.  It's like the difference between being forced to serve your time in solitary confinement and in the general population with other people. 

So I would agree that sometimes those of us who always had to support others in the limelight become determined to get just a little of it for ourselves at some point.

The way I see it, we deserve it.  It's way overdue.

[Overcomer]

Exactly!  And why wouldn't we continue to post with each affirmation?  We are just yearning to be heard and validated.  But I have seen and probably have been guilty of loving hearing ourselves speak.  I believe my moms N escalated with adulation.  I think she had this arrogance about her as a defense mechanism WAY BEFORE she got so self absorbed and off the edge.  Today I watched her totally blow off an employee whom she did not think deserved her attention.  Do we become like them in our quest

[Ami]

S/thing just hit me, Kelly. I think that we all have that N part of us. If we deny it, we are repressing a part of ourselves, so it will have to come  out "sideways"
 Maybe, we need to accept N traits. That does not mean that we ARE N's. Maybe N traits are human. I think so.     Love   Ami


PS I wanted to add that I think that *I *need to get more N and to feel comfortable with more N. Otherwise, we are
"voiceless"
  I guess the balance is between having enough N(confidence, strength, feeling like we can go "out there") and not too much(too  self centered, no empathy )   

[Overcomer]

Even my16 year old taked about being so above her dads family.  And I wanted to say What makes you above them?  You have their blood in your veins.  Is it because you have had a rich N grandmother in your life that you put yourself on a pedestal?  Or is it something your dad has instilled in you?  She has aspirations to be Homecoming Queen etc but does not play the game.  I think of my mom always wanting to be adored, served, respected.  I want some too.  I want to have that excitement!

[Ami]

(((((((((Kelly))))))))))))))

[Lupita]

Dear OC, I am going to dare to offer advise. What I did, I got away from my mother field of actions, magnetism. If I did not come to USA and be on my own I would have never discovered the truth.

So, my advise to you, can you get away from her? Can you start your own business? Can you be independent of her?

Move to another town? Find another job?

It has been very hard for me, I felt like a boat in the middle of the ocean with no lights, all dark, big waves, no radio, it feels so bad. But at the end, for me, it has been ten yeasr away from my family, not NC, just living in a far place, not being involved in her problems, just trying to solve mine, and I think I am improving. Very little, but I do not want to go back there.

So, that is my advise. Hard to do, but not impossible. As long as you are close to her mine field, you are going to step on mines and haev explossions. Like in those movies of second World War.

[Overcomer]

Well I was a part of a network marketing co. and they said I was on the ground floor.  I worked hard and had some success but I realized I was not on the ground floor.  So I ran into a man I met and he have me his card.  I ran across it in the move and realised it was a health (Vitamins-exotic juices) company.  I phoned the co. and asked if there was anyone doing it in Iowa and there are very few so I signed up.  My goal is to make so much one that I can walk away from my mom .

[Overcomer]

But I also want her to sign up.  If she starts having success she will run after that.  Meanwhile I can put people in place to run our store without her getting in the way of success.