Hello,
I am new here. I have spent hours over the past couple of days reading material and stories. I would very much like to thank the Doctor for the site and each member for sharing their stories and experiences. I could not have found a better word to describe my life than voiceless, unless it would be invisible, or the screen name I chose-emptied.
I would like in some way to express my feelings on finding this information, but over the past day or so my reactions have varied so much.... First I had to that ahaa moment of recognition, then the hitting myself in the head for not recognizing and understanding this on my own, then my questions about just how much of an N person I have been in my own life? Am I an N? Am I a Co-N?
My realization that without understanding all of this cognitively, I would have still been sitting here as a non-person in another twenty years. I am frightened that even with this new cognitive knowledge, that it can't be changed or fixed. Where do I go from here? I have spent years now in semi isolation, no real direction or motivation on my own, existing but not really living. I have found that the isolation has helped me a lot in dealing with my lifelong constant depression, but hasn't given me back a real life.
I will probably go write my story, because in writing it, maybe I can look at it all in the context of this new knowledge that I have. Thank you all again, for simply being here and helping me feel that maybe I am not quite so alone as I thought.
