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social fatigue

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les:
Summer is here and I feel like I should invite the people who have had my husband and I to dinner - for a barbeque or drinks or something. I've always found "entertaining" very difficult. If people just drop by it's easier - if we only have crackers and cheese nobody minds. I feel very much like a recluse. I remember reading that children of alcoholics are just tired and find socializing to be a strain, in my case, child of two N's/alcoholics. It is the anticipating that I dread the most.
 
I feel like I "should" be more social. But I also feel like I could live a very quiet life and be quite content. I try to wiggle out of events.  I wonder why I think the quiet life is less valid - it is what I yearn for but right now am really beating myself up for it.  But still I avoid doing anything.  Stuck.

Does anybody relate to this?

Les - the closet monk

Anonymous:
I'm quite antisocial. The thought of entertaining is anathema to me. Once in a blue moon someone comes over: a neighbor, my cousin, or something. That's all we can deal with. Some people love having guests over but I'm not one of them. I'm sort of a hermit and that's how I like it. Sometimes I feel like a social misfit but then I get over it.

bunny

Anonymous:
Don't feel that way. I personally would rather just relax and read on my deck than throw parties. My Nmother was/is a big social entertainer and everything has to be an event. I was always her help when growing up and never seemed to do things well enough. My husband likes to have people over, his family and so on and that's fine. But I'm another one who just prefers peace and quiet.

mighty mouse:
Hi Les,

I've heard you "voice" this sentiment before. It's something I've given a lot of thought to because by nature, I'm not a social person. To be honest, I think our society is biased towards people who are extroverts. And it's something that's always chagrined me.

I've even heard it said that being shy or socially reclusive is a form of selfishness. I've never bought this for a second. Why do we have to be anything but what we are?

I'm not sure if it has anything to do with N or alcoholic parents. Sort of the nature vs. nurture question I guess. That then begs the question of what point in our lives the personality is formed. Is our personality there from day one or is it formed in early childhood? Being from a family with 8 kids, I can tell you we all have very different personalities.

People who are extroverts draw their energy from people. Intoverts do not draw their energy from people. In fact if you're like me, being around people too long wears you out. I can only take so much time with people before I have to retreat.

But I think we were made this way for a reason. Extroverts usually have gross motor skills (entertainers and operating large machinary) while introverts usually have fine motor skills (like sculpting or surgery, etc.). If everyone was meant to be the same, we wouldn't have people to do the necessary jobs in life.

But I think it's very difficult because our present day society has such a bias towards extroversion. This is not just my opinion, I've done reading on it. And if you go to Dictionary.com and use the thesauris with introvert it brings up nouns such as: autist, brooder, creep, drip, egotist, narcissist (yep), oddball, weirdo, wet blanket and wimp. How do you like that????LOL
It doesn't have such blantant bias towards extroversion. It's ridiculous.

I am all out of patience, personally ,with all these people who want to be pop or reality tv stars and all those wanting their 15 minutes of fame. Sheesh..enough. I myself would rather have a quiet, comtemplative life. I'm sick of this overdose of in your face, I need to be seen quality that seems to occupy so many in our culture. And I'm just generally disatisfied with society in general. It's so course so much of the time.

I'm sure that was way more than you bargained for, Les. You probably do have to reciprocate of course, but maybe you can do it with a minimum of a time committment (dinner is what I'm referring to here). And I just can't hardly be sandblasted out of my house for any social do-dad these days. Been there, done that. I'm through with trying to do the social thing...besides people couldn't care less about my big talk (I'm bad at small talk). Most people discuss stuff I have not one iota of interest in. So really what's the point except for a small, select few.

I have read also that introverts usually like talking on the phone and writing instead of in person contact as well. What I'm trying to say is be the best INFP you can and don't sweat the social stuff. I've stopped wiggling. I just don't committ to go in the first place because I know I will wiggle out of it. LOL.

Your fellow wiggler,

MM

Anonymous:
Hi everybody,

Random thoughts as a fellow shut-in:

1. teachers get very concerned about "social isolates" as they call them/us.  One of my children is just like me and it's kind of interesting to watch her go along with the crowd and then get turned off when they don't give her her "turn" to decide what game to play.  She then goes off to do something alone.

2. I like that someone pointed out that many very interesting occupations require a lot of alone time.  So true.

3. A suggestion for those who feel obligated to entertain: go to a restaurant or have a picnic.  Part of my reluctance is feeling evaluated when company comes over.  Not all of us are decorators either.  Can't stand the scrutiny.

4.  I am encouraged by an increase in books about introversion and its plus sides.  

Best, Seeker

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