it's my day off so i am popping back in- but I really am trying to keep a lid on my internet use, it's working so far I think!
Hops wrote about her brother
I feel instead that he's pleasing himself and buffering his image.and this resonates so much with me.
The scales fell from my eyes about my ex, and the guy at church I really liked- that was what I was reacting negatively to when he was persuing me, his controlling attitude.
Just being on the computer now- ex has removed my 'administrator privileges' on son's computer, which of course with the way the security works now means a lot of stuff doesn't work properly & I have to keep asking him.
That was the theme of our marriage- I always had to ask.
I remember my sister saying to me about our father the reason she always got so much more than me 'you won't ask for things'. But he always wanted us to be so humbly grateful and hero-reward him, it always felt so unhealthy the way everything came at a price.
Yet I did exactly the same in my marriage!
Ex uses his money to impress and control and reward- it's like a form of intimacy almost.
Yesterday he offered me $1000 from his tax return.
I said 'if you feel it is mine by rights ( there's some disparity in allowances since he claims for son ) or if you want to make a gift to me that's lovely, but financially I'm doing fine, you needn't worry about me'.
This because when I asked why he said because I am 'irresponsible and poor' or something- there was more but I tuned it out.
It's funny, I used to think he wanted to take care of me because he cared, I really never saw this deep controlling side to it all.
The guy I met at church was very insistent on seeing things his way. I'm so glad I backed off- he didn't move towards me or meet me half-way & that's a dealbreaker for me now.
I know I can't have perfection or all my own way but I only want to have close relationships with people who can let me be and will try to please me sometimes for no other reason than it feels good or they want to!
maybe I am totally naive of course....
