Intimacy

[Ami]

I have a new lesson brewing to the "top".I never realized how beautiful life could be ,if you could be "real"within yourself and  with other people. Intimacy is "In to Me You See". I see that I have to have a strong core(or be in the process of getting one) in order to  let other people in--to let other people "see" me. I have to be able to stand it ,if they don't like me or reject me. I have to have enough core to know that I will not be destroyed (hurt ,yes, but not destroyed)
  I have to manage my own shame( a BIG job). I need to have the control button to shame on the inside,or have this as my ongoing goal. Otherwise, I will ,continually, be asking people IF I am OK, in a variety of ways. I will be trying to control situations  , so I don't feel shame.I will be in bondage.
 S/one very dear to me  gave me love and I saw and felt the power of love.Love can give you BACK  yourself . The Bible talks about the power of love.God's love can wash away fear.
  A person's  love is powerful and healing, too.
  I see life as opening up in a different way for me, after Scott's death.I see that happiness follows your ability to love. You can live in a different way, if you strive to live in love.
 I am just at the very beginning of seeing this road.
 One sympathy card touched me the most. It was from the receptionist at the children's dentist. She said that she appreciated my kindness  , when I would come in with the kids. This card touched me b/c it showed me that you can touch people in very simple ways and it DOES matter.
 If anyone can relate ,I would love to hear your opinions.        Love    Ami
 
 

[Gaining Strength]

I am relating in a way that is somewhat different from what you may expect.  When I was reading your post suddenly I saw that if people really saw into me I think they would LIKE who they saw.  So maybe I am not so concerned about being known as I am about being judged and that judgment is probably somewhat like the experience with N parents - never ending - based on the psychology of the judger rather than the judged.

I bet I have missed all the good stuff by focusing on the judgment and the judgers.

[Bella_French]

I only wonder about these things when I'm going through a lot of social changes, such as shifting my life around, having a job where I'm meeting different people all the time, or when I'm not settled in a relationship. Mostly, I don't worry about it because I don't need a lot of people. Having a partner, family, a few friends, is very nice!

I was on vacation recently, and I did feel socially anxious. I met some people I really liked, and I wondered if they liked me back?  I think they did, but they held back because I'm not very pretty and I am not wealthy. If I'd have been more socially acceptable, they might have liked me better and might have wanted to become friends. It makes me think that intimacy is kind of irrelevent. Noone wants to know someone who isn't powerful in some way. So what is thev value in it, when it is only given to the elite?



 

[Hermes]

"If I'd have been more socially acceptable, they might have liked me better and might have wanted to become friends" (Bella)

Dear Bella:

You do not, believe me, need the kind of "friends" who would only like you if you were pretty and/or wealthy.  Those kind of people are totally shallow.  I have to disagree that no one wants to know a person who is not powerful in some way.  I am not wealthy, by any means, indeed I just about cut even each month, and I work hard.  Well, I have some good friends, real friends, and every day I meet people who become quite good acquaintances, and with whom I would be on the same wavelength.  I am sure you are prettier than you think you are (people are their own worst critics LOL).

All the best
Hermes

[Leah]

I only wonder about these things when I'm going through a lot of social changes, such as shifting my life around, having a job where I'm meeting different people all the time, or when I'm not settled in a relationship. Mostly, I don't worry about it because I don't need a lot of people. Having a partner, family, a few friends, is very nice!

I was on vacation recently, and I did feel socially anxious. I met some people I really liked, and I wondered if they liked me back?  I think they did, but they held back because I'm not very pretty and I am not wealthy. If I'd have been more socially acceptable, they might have liked me better and might have wanted to become friends. It makes me think that intimacy is kind of irrelevent. Noone wants to know someone who isn't powerful in some way. So what is thev value in it, when it is only given to the elite?

(((( Bella ))))

Totally understand, resonate, and identify.   ~ ditto ~

Love,

Leah

[Ami]

I only wonder about these things when I'm going through a lot of social changes, such as shifting my life around, having a job where I'm meeting different people all the time, or when I'm not settled in a relationship. Mostly, I don't worry about it because I don't need a lot of people. Having a partner, family, a few friends, is very nice!

I was on vacation recently, and I did feel socially anxious. I met some people I really liked, and I wondered if they liked me back?  I think they did, but they held back because I'm not very pretty and I am not wealthy. If I'd have been more socially acceptable, they might have liked me better and might have wanted to become friends. It makes me think that intimacy is kind of irrelevent. Noone wants to know someone who isn't powerful in some way. So what is thev value in it, when it is only given to the elite?



 

Dear Bella,
  I feel so sad that you would view yourself that way. I KNOW that it is not true from 'knowing" you ,on the board. I must differ with your opinion of yourself.
  Bella, the way that I was meaning 'intimacy" was a sense of knowing who we are and then being able to share our true selves with another person.
 The first step would be to know, accept and love ourselves. Only then, could we share who we are with s/one else.
                                                                             Love You,  Ami

[Hermes]

Hello again to Bella:

Also, socializing does not mean one has to become fast friends with absolutely everyone one meets.  It can be fun and interesting to meet people, find out their viewpoints, see how they see things, all of which can be quite valuable too.  Very often it is the person who seems least interesting on first sight who turns out to have had quite extraordinary life experiences.

All the best
Hermes